Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by Screech » Sun Aug 09, 2020 8:53 am

Skip him

It's been 2 days
REEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by RedRover » Sun Aug 09, 2020 9:47 am

Gorvoslov wrote:
Wed Aug 05, 2020 3:23 pm
Everyone knows that biome intersections are straight lines and instant changes. If you're not careful when walking through a nice warm desert, suddenly you find yourself in freezing cold snow.
If Minecraft has taught me anything, it is this.

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by Gorvoslov » Sun Aug 09, 2020 2:21 pm

Turn 1


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Super funky dice are used to determine turn order:
Copyright Empire
Kobolds
Kilts
Karen
Redcoats


Copyright Empire


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The squad leader for the Copyright Empire pulls out a quill and paper. You know it's serious when they use a quill.


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He hands it off to a convenient Law Ninja.


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The Law Ninja heads off towards the desert.


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"Karen?"
"IT VIOLATES MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS TO USE MY NAME WITHOUT MY PERMISSION! WHERE IS YOUR MANAGER?? KIDS THESE DAYS SHOW NO RESPECT!"


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"You've been served"
The Copyright Ninja vanishes in a puff of smoke as Karen is knocked back by the sudden realization that the law is not whatever she screams it is and her pumpkin bombs are seized. She needs to spend this turn consulting with the other Karens on Fecesbook to convince herself that she is still in the right and will be able to act again next turn. A faint sound of joy is heard from the minimum wage retail workers.


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The Copyright Empire Generic Troopers all move towards Karen and her poor minions, setting response fire.


Kobolds

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"KILL KILL KILL BURN BURN BURN! FIRE BURN! USE FIRE WEAPONS! screams the chief as he tries to light the tips of the weapons of his troops on fire...


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Unfortunately, he gets a little more than just the tip and lights the entirety of one bow and one spear. Thankfully Kobolds are a little oblivious and won't actually start burning until next turn when they notice that they are in fact, on fire.


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The melee Kobolds decide that they can't effectively stab anyone from the top of their mountain and head down in the only way they know how to: Falling off it flat on their faces.


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Luckily for them, they're Kobolds and have practiced this maneuver a bunch and continue on towards Karen, accompanied by their chief.


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Archer Kobolds move towards the edge of their mountain and fire at the Troopers, killing one.
FIRST BLOOD
Kobolds gain the First Blood Benny.


Kilts


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"It should be in here somewhere... Nope, not that... Wait, this feels like one of those 'ranged weapons' I've heard about!" says Bruce Wallace in a terrible, gravelly Scottish accent as he pulls a ridiculous looking gun out of his Utility Sporran.


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All Kilt forces move towards the center.


Karen


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Karen reorganizes her minions to form a defensive ring around her while she gets in Fecesbook arguments with the reasonable people on her friends list. Three minions are sent to retrieve the Artefakt of Signifikanke.


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Fortunately for these minions, they walk within range of the rifle troopers and are given the sweet, sweet release of death. Their employer's dead peasants insurance pays out handsomely as this is considered a "Workplace accident". The troopers did so much overkill damage that the squad plate becomes completely blood soaked... and corporeal.


Redcoats


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"'Ello ya kilted lads, you seem like decent chaps, let us decree to work together for at least the next six seconds.". The Redcoats and the Kilts are now allied, we all know what happens when bad British stereotypes and bad Scottish stereotypes ally with each other. Inevitable Betrayal pile is at 1.
Somewhere, a drum and fife band starts playing as the Redcoats begin advancing towards the Copyright Empire. The hero sees a chest high wall ahead...


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"Right-o lads. Just like against ole' bonny, form the line and give 'im 'ell." their leader says in what must be a Cardiff accent because it doesn't actually sound like a British accent that anyone has ever heard before. The line fires.


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Exterminating a squad of troopers, and showing that they are in fact, just faceless corporate drones.


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A squeal of a pig is heard as the dice determine that Greased Up Pig With a Gun excitedly runs onto the battlefield, pursued by some frantic Hog Warriors. They are all excited to discover that they've found a battle, but are alarmed to discover that due to where the dice put them, they must be the Welsh.


A mysterious rumble is heard... Definitely can't be coming from Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano.

Turn 1 Overwatch:

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Kills:
Copyright Empire: 3
Redcoats: 3
Kobolds: 1 (1 Benny)
Kilts: 0
Hog Knights: 0
Karen: 0 (Your manager is going to hear about this)

Kilts-Redcoats inevitable betrayal pile is at 1 Benny.

Turn 2: https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 46#p363846
Last edited by Gorvoslov on Sun Aug 16, 2020 12:21 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by ninja_bait » Sun Aug 09, 2020 6:26 pm

lmao
I make apocalypses and apocalypse accessories.
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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by sahasrahla » Fri Aug 14, 2020 9:26 am

rooting for greased up pig with a gun

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by Gorvoslov » Sun Aug 16, 2020 12:18 pm

Previous Turn: https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 83#p363783

Turn 2

Initiative Order as decreed by almighty dice:
Kilts
Redcoats
Kobolds
Copyright Empire
Karen
Hogs


Kilts

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"Oy laddy, ye look like ye cud use one of these gun things."
"Sure, dae yi'll waant th' shield tae?" the kilted regular replies in an actual Scottish accent.
"Nah. I doubt I'll need one. Shoot one of those wee scaly things up yonder.". It's becoming more and more apparent that maybe Bruce isn't actually Scottish and maybe is just trying to pretend.


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The poor guy with a real accent tries to shoot this newfangled "gun" thing and it goes poorly. The gun still works, it's just lost one of it''s three shooty boom things, and the would be gunkilt is disrupted.


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Bruce decides to take action himself and flies using his cape towards the melee Kobolds.


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And performs a sweet spin kick killing two and disrupting two! Feat success! When the blood hits the mountainside, a happy booming voice is heard saying "Hmm... what's this... oh, tasty. Got any more?"


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One squad moves out to support Bruce. On the way, one guy walks into the bagpipes, adding it to his inventory. He starts playing a sweet warsong, granting the Kilts an instant benny every turn (Must be used that turn or is lost)


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The other squad moves to start climbing the mountain



Redcoats


The Admiral surveys his firing line (Not pictured. Whoops.) before announcing "Blimey chaps, a sorry display this is. Now I want this line as straight as the Queen's teeth! Make this the wall the blighters crash against!"


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Unfortunately for him, he told them to be as straight as... British teeth. His good soldiers oblige, his other ones, well...


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"Check it out! I can balance a whiskey bottle on top of my head, then my hat on that, AND THEN MY RIFLE ON THAT!"
"Oooh, I wonder what's down the barrel of my pistol"
*drunken gurgling*


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"Blokes, I found mushrooms! They probably taste really good!"


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"Betcha I can run around the mountain without my pants faster than you!"
"Bet you can't!"
"You're on!"

Suffice to say, that feat did NOT succeed. In the distance, the bagpipes are somehow playing the Benny Hill theme.


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The good troops keep a stiff upper lip and fire at the Kobold archers.


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Killing three, including the flaming one. As the blood spills, a booming voice is heard "Oooh, more of it. Much more of it. Delightful. And what's this warm stuff? I wonder if I can make this warm stuff..."


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There's a definite rumble and steam coming from the mountain now.



Kobolds

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"THEYSHOOTUS?NOWESHOOTTHEM!" yells the scaly rats as they kill two redcoat competents.


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The Chief turns towards Karen and yells in his normal voice "HEYCRAZYHAIRHUMAN!THOSEBUSHESAREACTUALLYEXPLOSIONSFROZENBYTHEHEATANDGUESSWHAT?YOU'RESTANDINGONSOME!". Several explosions erupt from the ground around Karen and her poor enslaved minimum wage workers.


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Karen lives, but an entire squad is given the sweet, sweet release of death (And another generous dead peasant's insurance payout for Megacorp, your every day source of low-cost merchandise to feed the capitalist machine!). 4 kills and a Feat Success!


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The chief and two Kobolds still standing gang up on Bruce who decides now would be a good time to use a shield, to bad it's attached to someone. The last thing heard from the redshirting Kilt is some unintelligible screaming with the word "SHIELD" in there somewhere. The two that were disrupted got up at some point later in the battle and didn't do anything when I remembered they existed.



Copyright Empire

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The Law Ninja returns. This time his target is the Kilts.
"Sir, this is the script for Braveheart with post-it notes highlighting everywhere the English are jerks to the Scottish."
"Yes. They must be educated about their new allies."


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"Unbelievable. Four years of Undergrad studying how to wear out your liver before thirty, three years of law school, six years of ninja school, two replacement livers, and here I am being sent through a battlefield to deliver a script to a movie that came out TWENTY FIVE YEARS AGO. Just send them a Betamax copy next time...". Apparently Law Ninja is having a bit of a mid-life crisis while carrying out the mundane duties of his job.


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"Yo, skirtboy, this is for you."
"IT'S NOT A SKIRT! I KILT THE LAST GUY WHO CALLED IT A SKIRT! AND WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST SEND A BLU-RAY OR YOUR NETFLIX PASSWORD??? I'M NOT READING ANYTHING! THE BRITISH AND THE SCOTTISH HAVE ALWAYS BEEN GOOD FRIENDS!"
Suffice to say, feat failed. During the vulgar tirade that follows this insult, the Kilts find they have two bennies they can use solely against the Copyright Empire as if they had betrayed an alliance. They will gain a third benny if they successfully moon the Copyright Empire's hero with at least three butts.


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The Copyright Empire forces move out together, rifles taking a shot at one of the Kobolds. But of course, the Kobold is using the most primitive of technology in a chunk of wood, so blasters are completely useless against them.



Karen

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Karen sits up from her daze, noting that the injunction beside her is burning.


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She gets to her feet, not even noticing the pathetic minimum wage workers who were to rude to not even help her up. She takes a deep breathe.


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"HOW DARE YOU DO ANYTHING TO ME! THIS VIOLATES MY CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHTS! I DEMAND TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!"
"Ma'am, trust me, you really don't want to speak to my manager."
"MANAGER! NOW!"


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In the distance, a dark figure emerges on the snow-covered plains.


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It's... him. Dark Lawyer himself! Karen has summoned Dark Lawyer in her arrogance!


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He walks silently with rage in his step across the cold, snowy plains. Ready to snuff out any who dare disobey the law as he interprets it to the courts.


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But then... he steps on sand. His most hated foe.


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His ancient foe rises up against him. It's coarse. It's rough. It's irritating. It gets everywhere.


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By the time the sand subsides, Dark Lawyer has been changed. Now under the control of Karen, he will discipline his unruly subservients in the Copyright Empire.


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He proceeds to uselessly bonk one of the rifles on their head. Of course the introduction of an elite unit using that many pictures leads to being useless on it's first action.



Hog Knights


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The knights right a cannon that was just left lying around loaded and fire at the Redcoats. Good news Redcoats, the shot flew over the drunk guy on the ground.


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Bad news Redcoats. The cannon shot killed the officer who wanted to see the bullet in the chamber, balancing guy, a bush, and most devastatingly of all, the bottle of balancing guy shatters when it hits the ground.


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Rest in peace sweet prince, you still had half a beer in you before your cruel, untimely death.


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The dwarves move out towards the Redcoats.
"Hey, that guy with the triangle hat is clearly more important than the guys with round hats. Let's shoot him!"
Both the competent officer and a competent soldier are killed thanks to some nice overskill rolls.


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Greased up pig with a gun takes up a defensive position, ready to serve up greasy bacony justice to anyone who tries anything against his humans that feed him their delicious tablescraps.


Overviews
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Redcoat-Kilts inevitable betrayal pile is at 2.

Kills:
Copyright Empire: 3
Redcoats: 6
Kobolds: 5 (1 Benny)
Kilts: 2 (2 anti-Copyright Empire bennies.)
Hog Knights: 4
Karen: 1

Turn 3: https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 74#p363974
Last edited by Gorvoslov on Wed Sep 09, 2020 3:12 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by sahasrahla » Mon Aug 17, 2020 8:53 am

god DAMN this is so good

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by Gorvoslov » Wed Sep 09, 2020 3:10 pm

Previous Turn: https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 46#p363846

Turn 3

Apologies for the delay, that boring real life thing got a bit hectic for awhile.

Initiative Order:
Kobolds
Hogs
Karen
Redcoats
Copyright Empire
Kilts


Kobolds

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"HEYMOUNTAINSTOPBEINGATEASEANDBLOWYOURLOADALREADYOKAY?"
The Kobold chieftain raises his stick up.

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And smacks the side of Mount Definitely-Not-Secretly-A-Volcano!

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Oh no! He broke his stick!

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And the archers are bailing out! Riding their squad plate down the mountainside because squad plates are totally physical objects, right?

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Everyone knows that Kobold necks have no issues absorbing an impact like this.

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Barely even looks like the mountain is reacting... what did he roll for that feat anyways?

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...oh... in favour of fire is of course the fiery orange device. But wait, that means...

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KABOOM!

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Let's get that from another angle!
KABOOM!

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Another!
KABOOM!

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HOW MANY CAMERAS WERE TRAINED ON THIS THING??
KABOOM!

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Okay, this has to be the last...
KABOOM!
ANYWAYS, mushroom redcoat, the hog gunner, one of the pantsless racers, and a kiltguy are all squished by flaming rocks. Lots of stuff catches fire, smoke, ash, and most importantly, flaming rocks are all flung into the sky. Fiery death will be falling from the sky for the rest of the battle after this turn. This one heroic feat crit success took over an hour to resolve. Oh right, literally everything else this turn still needs to happen. Who could have seen the twist coming that Mount Definitely-Not-Secretly-A-Volcano was in fact... secretly a volcano!

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"THATSMUCHBETTER!"
The Kobold Chief doesn't even notice that he has a new weapon, and therefore, you dear reader, also do not.

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The spear Kobolds that have actual spears and not just a handful of fire gang up on Bruce Wallace, including using the first blood Benny.

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"Say laddy, do ye think ye could do me a favour and jump in the way of these pointy sticks?"
"Seriously? Ye aye dinnae hae a shield? Ye kin fill a coward's grave."
*Redshirt rolled a 1, I like making them straight up fail on 1s*

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Welcome to your gory bed, nay tae victory Bruce.
Bruce Wallace has fallen in battle.

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The Kobolds are so happy they care even less than they normally would that the one who was on fire burned to death behind them.

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Archers get back up, kipping as one to control their squad plate.


Hogs

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One Hog Knight replaces the squished gunner, taking aim...

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And then deciding it would be way cooler to use the cannon as a shoulder mounted RPG.

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The squad of kilts trying to climb the mountain is obliterated by the explosion.

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The Dwarves fire at the remaining redcoats, killing the last two competent ones.

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Greasy Pig with a gun continues his cautious advance, this time walking right over the drunk redcoat.


Karen

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"Listen up everyone, team meeting. Now, I know you all love working for Megacorp, but I'm going to need you all to show that Megacorp love by suicidally charging the Copyright Empire for offending me or you're all fired."

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"For Megacorp... I guess..."
"I need this job to pay for school if I survive this job!"
"Why did they let me take on so much debt at ten years old??"
"Life is pain anyways, might as well get it over with."
"FIRED??? NOOO!!!!"
Feat successful, the poor minimum wage retail workers leave a fiery trail as the charge the Copyright Empire.

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The Copyright Empire Troopers try to fire at the closing suicidal minimum wage retail workers, but being Copyright Empire Troopers they naturally fail to accomplish anything with their guns before being utterly shredded by primitive weapons.

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Karen follows behind her minions, feeling smug about herself.

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Dark Lawyer once again fails to do anything useful. He turns off his sword in his confusion.


Redcoats

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"Oh man, I have got a splitting headache... how much did I drink last turn??"
Greasy Pig's gun swivels around.

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"Oh bother..."
*BANG*

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Drunk guy has an even worse splitting headache now.

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The last pantsless racer drops his pants, and picks up both his and his fallen brethren in pantslessness' rifle.
"If I can't beat you fairly in a race, I CAN AVENGE YOUR DEATH GUY I LITERALLY MET TWO MINUTES AGO!"

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He scissors the head off of a Kobold Archer, and breaks the squad plate!

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"Alright chaps, poor showing all round to be honnest with all the dying. Time to show you how to do a right proppa' firin' line."

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Unfortunately for him, the Redcoat Commander has no idea how to operate the weapons of a mere private and only succeeds in disrupting himself.
"Bollocks."
Feat failed.


Copyright Empire

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The Copyright Empire Hero pulls out his cellular telephone and conference calls the entire legal team:
"We have an unlicensed crossover episode in progress! We need the entire legal team to respond!"
"Do you have managerial approval for this conference call?"
"What? No. Of course not, my manager is actively trying to kill me right now!"
"Oh. Why didn't you say so sooner? Clearly if your manager is trying to kill you, it's because you're an illegal spy..

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"...that needs to be eliminated by our moon laser."

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"Oh, yep, good job. You really killed me there. Definitely didn't have the moon laser miscalibrated to be survivable."
"Great, we hope you had a pleasant experience being exterminated by the Copyright Empire, for all your predatory lawsuit needs."
Feat failure, but hero made his armour roll.

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All Copyright Empire forces open fire on Dark Lawyer, destroying him until reviews are terrible and the writers are boxed into a corner without a cloning ressurection of a previously established villain.


Kilts

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"FOR BRUCE!"
The Kilts launch a brutal counterattack to avenge Bruce who died a martyr trying to stop the Kobold menace.

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The three spear Kobolds are killed in the attack.

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The gunkilt gets back up and this time figures out how to shoot the crazy gun.

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BOOM! HEADSHOT!


Overviews
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Redcoat-Kilts inevitable betrayal pile is at 3.

Kills:
Copyright Empire: 4
Redcoats: 7
Kobolds: 10
Kilts: 6 (2 anti-Copyright Empire bennies.)
Hog Knights: 11
Karen: 5


For the rest of the battle, fiery boulders will fall after each player's turn. The effects of the eruption are as follows:
Any unit on the mountain itself's baseplate will take immense fire damage.
Any unit within a couple inches (Roughly where the fire pieces are) will take modest fire damage.
At the end of your turn, I will roll 1d8 to determine which baseplate a fiery boulder will land on. The impact site is determined as follows:
Hit one of your own units if available.
Hit an enemy unit, please give the order of which factions you want blown up the most with your orders.
Blow up SOMETHING to make something change.

Next turn: https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 25#p364125
Last edited by Gorvoslov on Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:55 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by Gorvoslov » Wed Sep 30, 2020 5:54 pm

Previous Turn: https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 74#p363974

Turn 4


Initiative Order:
Kobolds
Hogs
Kilts
Copyright Empire
Redcoats
Karen


Kobolds

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"DESTINYISCALLINGME!"


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The Chief walks between the lava falls, of course one can stand as close to lava as they'd like, as long as they don't touch it.


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Wait... did he just yeet himself into the lava?


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Somehow, the exploding volcano explodes again, and out emerges the FINAL FORM of the Kobold Chief. He has truly merged with the volcano lava powers now. With this newfound volcano control powers, the volcano will no longer harm Kobold forces.


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Due to the orders specifying "Stab" instead of "Attack", the archers stab the last pantless racer with their bows.


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Alas, his lack of pants meant he was vulnerable to arrow stabbings. A true tragedy has occured this day as neither streaker was able to race around the exploding volcano.


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The archers then move up the volcano.


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The first victims of the volcano is the squad of four kilts. None survive.


Hogs

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Unfortunately, the Rocketeer did not roll a one, so the order of "Fire at the largest group in range" is able to imply "That isn't my own troops".


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The Kobold Archers are knocked down by the explosion. We've already determined that they have jumped off this mountain enough that they don't take fall damage when falling off it.


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Hog forces begin withdrawing like the cowards they are. COWARDS.


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The Greasy Pig With a Gun oinks a bunch at the Kobolds. Apparently it means "This has totally been a shotgun all along."


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Pew pew no more Kobold Archers.


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Another volcano explosion lands, this time on Copyright Empire forces.


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There are no survivors. I fought the Law, and the Law... lost? Farewell to Copyright laws. There shall now be numerous terrible knockoffs of that one mouse, and the Space Opera, and all the princesses. It is now ALL public domain. Most terrible of a result.
COPYRIGHT EMPIRE ELIMINATED


Kilts

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The Kilt gunman sizes up his target.


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The pipes, the pipes are calling.


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"Fur Bruce."


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When all the bennies and overskill dice are settled... the damage is immense.


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"THISCANTBEHAPPENINGIAMTHEBLOODOFADRAGONANDTHEWARRIOROFDESTINYANDTOCOOLFORDYINGOWIEIHURTANDFEELSLIGHTLYCOLD"
The Kobold chief has fallen in battle, and with him, his tribe.
KOBOLDS ELIMINATED


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The Volcano does not take kindly to the retreating Hogs and wipes out the knights. About time their insanely good luck turned a little.


Red(Blue?)coat
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The redcoat commander stands alone.
"Right. New lands. Only one thing to do. For Queen and Country!"


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A flag is produced out of... somewhere as God Save the Queen is heard faintly on the breeze.


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Never underestimate the determination of the British to plant their flag on new lands to colonize them.


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Even lands that are still in gaseous explosion form and won't solidify for months.


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With a salute to the flag, these lands have been claimed for the British Empire. GOD SAVE THE QUEEN!


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Because these lands have been claimed by the British, it naturally connects to the rail network automatically.


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The latest site of a volcanic impact is Karen's minimum wage minions. Unfortunately for them, even volcanic impact won't release them from their bondage. A defeated sigh is heard from them at still bearing the burden of existence.


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Over the communicator device of the dead Copyright Empire a voice is heard "You are late for your semi-hourly performance review, with one strike against you for failing to follow procedure. Prepare for planetary annihilation by moon laser, and do not be late for a meeting again."


Karen - UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT

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A strange sensation flows through Karen and her forces, and it's not Taco Bell. As if a new force, some sort of trap for ninjas or something has taken control. The minimum wage workers use this chance to scatter.


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Karen pulls out her phone again and starts scrolling through Fecesbook...


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She Likes and Shares a Faux Nooz video of some millionaire screaming at the camera about volcano vaccines giving you the 5Gs. Her echo chamber validates her self-esteem, and the world becomes that much more vulnerable to volcanoes (1d4 size explosion instead of 1d3). Alas, it turns out that everyone with even half a brain cell has either blocked or unfriended Karen.


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The piper switches to playing Flower of Scotland as volcanic rock rains down from the sky on the last two kilts.


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They do not survive.
KILTS ELIMINATED

Overviews:
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Kills:
Copyright Empire: 4
Redcoats: 7
Kobolds: 15
Kilts: 11
Hog Knights: 18
Karen: 7

Final Turn:
https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 27#p364227
Last edited by Gorvoslov on Sat Oct 10, 2020 7:59 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by ninja_bait » Wed Sep 30, 2020 7:13 pm

I hate falk the most, of course.

Ummmmmm kill baddies
And uhhhh Karen will ummmmm call someone's mom to get them in lots of trouble
I make apocalypses and apocalypse accessories.
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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by Dienekes22 » Thu Oct 01, 2020 7:16 pm

Gg everyone. Fun battle for my Kilts.
stubby wrote:Oh man, look at these guys. Beautiful units, photos in focus, appropriately cropped, white background... what if I remove all the current photos from the rulebook and just replace everything with these
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Medivo factions - Medivo Forum Battles
Sci-Fi Factions -

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Re: Battle of Mount Definitely-not-secretly-a-volcano

Post by Gorvoslov » Sat Oct 10, 2020 7:58 pm

Previous Turn: https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 25#p364125

Turn 5 - The End (SPOILERS!)

Initiative Order:
Hogs
Redcoats
Karen


Hogs

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"OINK! OINK! BURN EVERYTHING! OINK!" the greasy pig with a gun yells as he loads fire into his shotgun.


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Oh no! To much pig grease! The gun explodes!


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Leaving nothing more than a pile of sausages.
Greased up pig with a gun has been cooked.


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One dwarf grabs the rocket launcher.


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And upon realising that the Redcoat Commander is out of range, he tries to do what he calls a "Rocket Jump" to get closer. It goes so poorly I didn't even bother taking a picture of his being deadness afterwards apparently. There's the explosive critfail I wanted last turn.


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The remaining dwarves have a quick huddle.
"Is our insanely good luck all battle finally turning?"
"No! We just need to do something truly desperate!"
"Aren't we supposed to have Scottish accents?"
"That would be confusing, there was already a bad Scottish accent faction this battle."
"Alright, so we've agreed. We're doing the thing."


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The dwarves remove their mohawks, and put their right foot on the head of the dwarf below them, making a Tower of Power.


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The Tower of Power moves to almost within range of the Redcoat Commander, who sheds a single tear at seeing the majesty of what he had wanted to do back on like turn 2 three months ago.


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Feeling that his time is up, the Redcoat Commander simply salutes saying "I did my duty. For Queen and Country."


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Despite a good armour roll, and out of range penalties to the damage, there's just to many bullets. The Redcoat Commanders blue blood spills out over the volcanic eruption because that makes sense, okay?
The Redcoat Commander has made The Empire proud with his service.
Redcoats Eliminated.


Karen


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The minimum wage workers realise that they can escape, and don't even bother giving their two week notice as they flee. Cowards. YOU SHOULD GIVE YOUR LIVES FOR MEGACORP! More education is required: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iN9eAI46bu0


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Karen decides to try her luck with her cellphone and call up the mom of her last remaining enemies. Wait... mom. Oh no. No. There's...


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"Yes, this is Warhead shard whatever ID I feel like having today. No, I'm not someone's mom, but I've probably been with them. Wait, if I've been with every mom... No. That's a thought I refuse to finish."


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"Know what? I'm to busy right now with very important business to attend to for you to try to give me thoughts like that. I'm just going to orbital snipe you now."


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The Immortal Empire, of course, keeps several ships everywhere in all brikverses just for this exact situation.
Karen has finally met a manager she couldn't deal with.
Karen Eliminated.


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Having no more enemies present, the mohawkless Dwarves die of shame. This causes the one who got to keep his hair to fall, also dying from fall damage.
Hogs Eliminated.


ALL COMBATANTS HAVE BEEN ELIMINATED! EVERYONE LOSES!


Final Kills:
Hog Knights: 19
Kobolds: 15
Kilts: 11
Redcoats: 7
Karen: 7
Copyright Empire: 4


Epilogue


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Two cloaked figures walk onto the battlefield.


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"I don't understand. You've re-wound and re-run this world so many times, always making small tweaks to it to change the outline. What could you have possibly gained by suddenly making it a highly erratic volcano infested warzone?"


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"Every time this world is reversed, it's completely reset. After the last time, it's become clear that one iteration will never be enough to stop the inevitable destruction."


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"What I needed, and what you may even begin to understand, is that we need multiple iterations of this world worth of resources."


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"We're on a knife edge, as a Castle World, we stand no chance against the external forces moving in. At least, not normally."


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"But, as a Castle World, we've got the best melee warriors, they just usually don't do well against space lasers. And a detonating world combined with lots of combat blood, particularly from heros and such, when combined with certain other powers, can create a weapon."


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"Specifically, a weapon that will survive the rewind and rerun of this world. We can do this a few times over even, to keep producing these if we decide we need more."


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"Just promise me one thing for future iterations."
"What's that?"
"That you will never spend an entire loop sober again. You get all wordsy and philosiphical and make no sense. Go back to that 'god of freedom, time, and crippling alcoholism' thing you usually do. I'm supposed to be the serious character here, not you. And please, let's get back to melodramatic fantasy world."
"Deal. Knowing I'm a Quantumsurfer is way to much pressure. Much easier to be an aloof god that mostly just hands out beer."


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Final Overwatch


Thanks for playing everyone, hope you all enjoyed it. I still had a handful of fire pieces left not on the battlefield by the end of this believe it or not.

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