Good news, lots of bloodshed this turn!
Despicable Crownies
The knight charges the line taking fire from three bandelorians and the walker.
And clears through! Plus a new addition to his lance as well as disrupting the rocket launcher.
The rest of the Despicable Crownies continue to file toward the battle.
King Dalkan: "To me peasant swine! Die for your lord!"
Critical success! Two armored dwarves answer the call!
Dwarf: "I dinnae what be goin' on, but we're goin to crush some skulls!"
Meanwhile at the castle...
Archer 2: "... *hic* D'you feel funny?"
Archer 3: "Now that you mention it...."
Random Buff Unlocked: Deflection Bonus!
As long as the inebriated scoundrels keep their heads on (and cups ready) they have a deflection dice!
They follow their king while the last three archers prepare fire.
Animal Catcher (name recommendations?) and Civilians
Animal Cather: "Alroight, nows it's toime to catch an' release!"
-Insert rad throwing noise-
SPLORCH!!!!
The blood begins to trickle through unseen troughs in the ground....
FWOOOSH! A fiery tear in reality forms
And the blood finishes flowing in the sigils.
OBJECTIVE COMPLETED!
The children have gotten random items from the chest which they both use to varying effectiveness. The monkey in the tree is turned into a fountain of blood while the little girl struggles to find the trigger. Meanwhile grandma slowly bends down to pick up a questionably shaped hardened sand piece.
SPLAT!
Oh good! It was only for the spider... this time
The Animal Catcher then hops back in his hoverboat and motors toward the castle walls
Doog and Crew
Seeing the pile of fecal matter, Doog's eyes become glassy as a flash of memories hit him.
Doog: "I can't go back to jail again!"
Cam: "Doog! Where are you going?! What about the 'goat?"
Doog: "NOOOOOoooooooo!"
Cam: "Well, shit."
Meanwhile, Ben levelly eyes the shark.
Ben: "..."
Ben: "..."
Bandelorians
The Bandelorians begin to advance.
Kim begins to sprint toward the north end of the field...
-Insert Dragon Ball Z teleport sound-
BOOOM!!!
Satchsgoat and Doog are disrupted but the damage rolls weren't fatal.
Kim then relieves grandma of the questionable sand "sword" and helps the kid with his migraine. Yup! A successful surgery!
One of the Bandelorian skirmishers rushes the defenders, bolts skittering around his feet as he pops one of the defenders only to feel a sharp pain and a tug in his abdomen...
The rest of the Bandelorians use the time honored practice of hurling lead everywhere. The spearman is cut in half by sustained machine gun fire and his body falls into the webwork of blood.
"GAAAAH! bURn aND periSh!"
Satchsgoat and forces of Nature
The scorpion lunges at one of the skirmishers.
And due to a massive overskill and damage roll manages to bring him down. I'm sure his victory will be short lived.
Animal Catcher: "Aw, look at that beautiful creatcha there! Let's give 'im a snack."
Unfortunately the meal delivery didn't make contact.
Huh... I wonder what that was for.
OBJECTIVE COMPLETED: DEEP ONES SUMMONED!
Meanwhile the Satchsgoat lets out a cry of distress.
Critical Success! A spider herder hears her call!
Meanwhile around the battlefield
A great unease builds.
DSM Brownhand arrives eager to spill the blood of the Bandelorians
BROOOOTALZ! KRUMP 'IM LADZ!!!
Sergeant Reynolds: "Dispatch I'm picking up some dimensional- HOLY SHIT! GET OUT HERE!"
A peacekeeping squad of Mechanis troops arrive.
Reynolds: "ARIGHT! LET'S GOOO!"
Send in orders for turn 3!
There are also still openings if anyone wants to play the civilians (and whatever the portal entails), the brootalz, and the forces of nature (with the deep ones).
What the hell is going on?! 
