They're all the rage
The Metal Warriors have been rocking out for several turns now. Suddenly, rock star B. Fenix remembers: "Oh shit! The Beer!"
He attempts a Heroic Feat, grinding into a speedmetal rendition of "Mach Schnell" to superaccelerate the Metal Warriors and let them spend all of their missed turns at once. "Was it over when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor? Let's go! Hooooooooooo!"
Too late! No one follows him. The Warriors are still lost in a euphoric headbanging trance. Feat Failed!
Seeing the Beer land nearby, the Shitgoats abandon their beloved wall to make a mad dash for it. The first falls straight into the lava, along with his shitstick. The second makes it a little further, but lava breaking underneath him slows him down too much to reach the Beer. The third and final Shitgoat rolls an amazing 14" Sprint, following it up with an even more amazing 16" Don't Break the Crust roll. He runs all the way around the crust to grab the Beer, and makes it to within an inch of escaping.
SHITGOATS HAVE THE BEER
The Mandalork reinforcements spring into action! The nearest two are able to run up and attempt to Shove the Shitgoat into lava. I was hoping this would succeed and then send the Beer flying off the field from flame-retardant foam again, but no luck - both Shoves fail.
The further two Mandalorks have to Charge to reach the Shitgoat, and this requires them to run across the lava. One falls in and dies, the other crit-fails his Shove roll and keeps on Charging right past the Shitgoat by accident.
The Pyramidhead finally comes down from his epic 30" Launch - it'll take a roll of 10 on 1d6 to land him on the "x" instead of straight into the lava. The six comes when he needs it; he rolls an 11 with the Bonus Die and hits his mark exactly. He rolls a low 2 Damage for the landing, and feels just fine.
The Akkadian has been waiting for just such a moment as this. He rolls an 11 also and chucks his spike into the Pyramidhead's gut. Throwing Out of Range decreases the Damage though, and the Pyramidhead survives again.
The Disrupted Necromancer jumps up and is just barely able to reach the Shitgoat with his Angry Inch. In the usual Necromancer fashion, he misses with one weapon and annihilates the Shitgoat with the other. But he's out of Move - he can't take the Beer off the field.
SHITGOATS NO LONGER HAVE THE BEER
Luckily there's another Necromancer who wasn't Disrupted and still has full Move. He tosses his weapons aside and makes a run for it.
NECROMANCERS HAVE THE BEER
NECROMANCERS ESCAPE WITH THE BEER
The Big-Boob Girls tear off their clothes and start dancing around naked.
BIG-BOOB GIRLS ARE NAKED
Normally I don't worry too much about minifig motivations, but in this case I had to ask booty bothered why they'd be doing the nunga bhangra after someone else got the beer. She says "because now we can use the table again!" and also "who needs beer when you have boobs?"
With the Beer gone, the remaining combatants have nothing to do but take out their grudges. (A lot of folks gave orders for what to do if the Beer escaped.) The FELC slay a couple more Ewoks; the remaining Ewoks shove one of them onto the crust, but he doesn't break through.
The Crazy Horses go crazy. Two start humping each other, one runs over and surprise-sexes an Ewok's head (probably copying something he saw in one of Warhead's gifs). The last hops towards the last Bluran still lying Disrupted on the lava crust and takes a giant dump on his face.
The Old Dudes start spraying bullets at the Yodas standing inches away, slaying the ones on the left and right but somehow missing the one right in between them.
Old Engineer: "Hey! The Beer's gone!"
Old Paper Salesman: "Well that was disappointing!"
Old Engineer: ":twss:"
The Ninjas steal the Space Commie's hats, but it's too late for their Ninja plan to use them to get to the Beer faster. The third Ninja grabs the unmanned gun and looks for targets. He can't quite point it at the Commies, so instead he executes the final Yoda with a single well-aimed shot.
The Disrupted Viking picks up the Necromancer's dropped battleaxe and puts an end to the flying Pyramidhead.
There are piles of fallen weapons among the Necromancer's heap of beheaded victims, so the final cross-dressing Sir Pablo's Man grabs a few and takes out a Peach Raider with a huge Damage roll.
But there are too many of them. Even ganging up three-on-one, they're only barely able to kill him thanks to a lucky roll on the final dismembered-head attack.
SIR PABLO'S MEN ELIMINATED YET AGAIN
With their Launcher successfully tested, the Gamma Corps tries to shove all of the Pyramidheads into the lava. They mostly fail, but manage to kill one of them.
The last Matey lost his wig somewhere, but manages to get the busted machine gun back from the now dead HDISW Man. The FALX swordsman tries to cut him down as well, but fails - the Matey survives the battle with his questionable loot.
In the background, the Cosplayer finally cuts down that other FALX who's been such a pain in her ass.
Losing the Beer and humiliating himself on Faux News is too much for the KKK Blue DSM. He commits seppuku.
The final Overwatch shot, as the Beer-hauling Necromancer escapes into the sunset!
Congratulations, Warhead. And thank you for winning so I can use the dinner table again! Seriously, we've had to do some ghetto ass shit. We made a table out of cardboard boxes, but somehow it was not quite the same.
@ <3Arkbrik wrote:My personal opinion is that both Xbox and PS suck, and you should get a life or download Nethack.
- A 701 error is fine too.
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