Planet Candia, Kretan System, Police State of Venice
A Trattorian expeditionary force encroaches upon Venetian territory on a strange restaurant table.
Space Deputy: Who gave you Twatts permission to tread upon our homeland? This means war!
Strange dice materialize as the Venetian space deputy scores first kill.
A Venetian grunt crit-fails and blows his own arm off instead.
The remaining units combine fire and bring down another drone.
The Trattorian scientist Dr. Smiley tries to use his engineering skills to rig up the fallen drone to explode and shove it towards the Venetians. He only succeeds in the first task, however, causing it to blow up in his face into sugar packets. While he survives his incompetence, another drone bites the dust.
The remaining Tratt drones fail to kill anyone.
Their Venetian counterparts are much luckier, except for the grunt, who blows his other arm off with another crit fail.
The Space Deputy shoves his shotgun into the Trattorian scientist’s mouth, attempting to get him to willingly submit to arrest.
His feat fails, however, and Dr. Smiley gains the upper hand and steals his axe. However, he fails to kill his enemy.
Desperate and outnumbered, Dr. Smiley picks up a fallen drone’s rifle despite the uncouthness of the action. His lack of training shows when he misses by a mile, however. In his frustration, he chucks it at the soldier, decapitating the armless Venetian (first kill for Trattorians).
The Venetians combine fire on him, but Dr. Smiley crit succeeds several times with an amazing armor roll.
The Space Deputy picks him up, intending to suplex him.
*crunch*
Down but not out, Dr. Smiley somehow survives despite his weak Trattorian physiology.
In response, he dissects out the Space Deputy’s liver (for science! Otherwise it would be barbaric and thus out of his heroic cliche as Trattorian scientist).
The Space Deputy somehow survives and attempts to handcuff his body and innards together.
He crit-fails, instead handcuffing his body to the Trattorian drone chassis and falling off his legs.
Everyone else kills Dr. Smiley, and his luck finally runs out.
Overview.
Suddenly, Mobfather Scratch descends on the hand of god.
Everyone stands at attention for the revered Mobfather, even the legless and liverless Space Deputy.
Mobfather Scratch: At ease gentlemen, I'll take it from here.
Mobfather Scratch: Well well well, Dr. Smiley. In life you served Trattoria, in death you will have a new master. Clean up the rest of this and return to the fort.
Mobfather Scratch bikes off into the sunset, the corpse of Dr. Smiley in tow.
