"Forgive me for summoning you here from your retirement villages so suddenly," growls Sir Pacifus Von Sporktimus. Once a man of galactic influence and adventure, his old age has compelled him to join a new enterprise. The Esoteric Society of Elders' labyrinthine objectives include filing complaints about the youth, fighting dark forces beyond minifig comprehension, and searching for ways to keep their wrinkles from wrinkling even further.
"I was getting my weekly arthritis massage," says Madam Vedalia, Artifakt Collector of the society. "So this had better be good, Sporktimus."
"Even as we speak, our darkest enemy - the entity known only as Eldritch Hipster - is encroaching on a gathering of peaceful civilians," continues Sir Sporktimus. "They have infiltrated the event down to its core, and plan to summon... something. Something terrible. I fear what they are planning will destroy this entire world."
"We must make our way at once to the Snowville Town Square. We ride with every Society member we can muster! Gather your liver medications and ice packs and make for the carriage!"
The Esoteric Society's coach races into the early dawn, an early snow flying in the wind! It's a bumpy, grumpy, hours-long journey to Snowville.
Meanwhile, it's a clear morning in Snowville...
The Snowville Ice Festival has ice skaters racing around the town square!
But hidden within the concessions trucks is something... diabolical. What appears to be a donut truck is in fact a cronut truck! Haven't heard of cronuts? That's the point! They're too hip! These croissant-donut hybrids are unnatural food from an unnatural source. The cheerful townsfolk barely notice the tentacles of the serving staff.
Nor the oddly compelling beats of the tentacled DJ Baphet. No one recognizes the songs he's playing for the Ice Festival - it's too new, too underground. Too hip.
Blending in perfectly with the crowd, EldritchHipster sips her oatmilk latte.
"This seems like a great place for a farmer's market," says Alison, one of EldritchHipster's acolytes.
"You think every place is a great place for a farmer's market," says EldritchHipster. "But we didn't come here for free-range vegetables. We're here for far more. I think it's time."
"Pardon me! Coming through."
"Just got to put this down right here..."
"Come to me, big guy!"
As EldritchHipster's briefcase pops open, a tear in space is ripped open in the center of the ice rink! A ritual of cosmic proportions has begun!
Meanwhile, a black carriage rolls into the town square...
And screeches to a stop.
Shaken, achin', and all out of prune juice, Sir Sporktimus disembarks the carriage.
Followed by ten of the best Esoteric Elders the society can spare!
"You're too late, you old Spork! The portal is already open! Change is coming to this world! We will all be cooler and more unknown than your hardened walnut brain can possibly comprehend!"
Overwatch.
Eldritch Hipsters (EldritchHipster): Complete three rounds of the Ritual.
Esoteric Society of Elders (SirSporktimus): Purge the ice rink of Eldritch Hipsters.
EldritchHipster Turn 1
Alison devotes one of her two Supernatural Dice to further the ritual! Each round that the Ritual has a Supernatural dice devoted to it, it will summon an entity from a thousand past Rekonstruktions into the Brikverse!
DJ Baphet pumps the tunes, using his Eldritch Turntables Artifakt to influence 1d8 Civilians and take an immediate turn with them. He rolls a 3!
He chooses the police officer and the hockey playing civilians, who pick up their sticks and make for the Elders!
Throwing their hockey sticks at SirSporktimus does nothing except further his hatred for the next generation.
Officer Bailey radios for backup with her walkie-talkie!
"We have a geriatric situation here. Roger!"
Officer Roger was... uh... getting some cronuts behind the cronut van.
Two more Civilians enter the battlefield.
EldritchHipster attempts a Heroic Feat, and reaches out with her telekinesis to the Society's Horse!
*Horse concern*
The horse lifts into the air!
And sails towards the portal...
Feeding it to the void as a sacrifice!
Feat Success.
The cronut truck's Hipster drives it onto the rink, causing Officer Laura and Ice Skater Billy to bail out of the way.
Chainsaw Hipster follows suit, rolling over some trees!
Esoteric Society Turn 1:
The Esoteric Society advances from the pedestrian walkway.
Vedalia crossbows down Officer Laura to free her of the wretched music of DJ Baphet... forever. Winston's pistol explodes in his hand and sets his lantern on fire, although he survives the explosion.
Albrecht swings at EldritchHipster, but his back gets stuck halfway through, causing him to accidentally behead 'Big Hat' Archibald!
"Sorry about that, old friend. I suppose this means your wife is single now, eh?"
The Esoteric Society's master of magical studies, Akhazar, has an idea, and spends his Supernatural D12...
Reviving Big Hat Archibald as a ghost!
Sir Sporktimus attempts a Heroic Feat, leaping into the air with a swing of his cane and cape...
Swinging into the Cronut Truck, and kicking the Hipster in there out!
"An automatic? How dare these heathens."
Civilian Round:
The snowplow rolls forward, intent on clearing all the snow from the road! It runs straight into Big Hat Archibald's ghost, killing him again.
The Zamboni Driver is listening to some great tunes!
"Man, I love this job."
"This ice is messy! Gotta clean it!"
The Ice Festival mascot leaps from her job managing the ice skate rental booth to the top of the coffee van.
Billy sits down to take off his ice skates. It's bad for the skates to walk with them on normal ground!
Some other skating civilians flee down the crosswalk, hobbling slowly on their skates.
"Hey, uh, is this all part of the Ice Festival?"
"So, uh. How long have you been making Cronuts?"
It's the end of the round, and Alison watches as the portal surges with energy!
A prehistoric roar tears through time and space...
And comes roaring to life in Snowville!
Eldritch Hipsters gain a T-Rex.
Overwatch.
Eldritch Hipsters, Turn 2.
The single-tentacle hipsters attempt to yank Sir Sporktimus out of the cronut van. It works, sending him flying...
Right into EldritchHipster. But she has other plans!
She uses her psychic powers to toss him right up into the maw of the T-Rex, which chomps down!
Sir Sporktimus redshirts Branston Bindlemeyer to the T-rex's jaws.
"Thanks, old boy!"
DJ Baphet contributes one of his Supernatural Dice to the Ritual, ensuring that it will stay active this round!
Alison throws her Farmer's Market sign straight for SirSporktimus, who redshirts the wizard Ahkazar!
Chainsaw Hipster hops up out of the coffee shop and climbs onto the T-Rex, and then uses his Supernatural Dice to fling SirSporktimus...
Straight into the saltbox of the snowplow! SirSporktimus fights the grinding machinery and isn't killed but his fancy cape is stuck!
Esoteric Society of Elders, Turn 2.
Granny Grunhilde takes a potshot across the map!
And blasts Chainsaw Hipster to pieces!
Several crossbow and pistol shots riddle the corpse of one of the tentacle-armed Hipsters.
Dunwick and Meredith, married for sixty years, beat the other tentacle-armed hipster to death.
Albrecht duels with the T-rex but his lack of elbow mobility stops him from hurting it.
Sir Henry Thoroughgood goes in for a duel with EldritchHipster with his psychic sword and shield! He misses, but she critically fails her counterattack, causing him to lop off one of her snake tentacles!
Sir Balthazar, Society carriage driver, attempts to snowplowjack a much heftier carriage...
But critically fails and goes under the wheel!
SirSporktimus is forced to spend his whole turn pulling himself out of the snowplow's salt machine gears, but finds himself some new weapons.
"A broom and shovel? Hah. Just like it was on Azure!"
Civilian Round.
The unattended Cronut truck rolls forward, crashing into the Society's carriage and exploding! Madam Vedalia and Winston bail out of the way.
The giant cronut on top rolls off, crushing a civilian.
The T-rex remembers that it was supposed to have a turn. It had Summoning Sickness. It charges forward and chomps on Albrecht...
And then is rammed by the snowplow as it continues on its snow-clearing path!
The Zamboni keeps rolling, grinding civilians and Society corpses alike into the ice.
Civilians gather by the ice skate rentals.
"Sure is a weird festival this year!"
It's the end of round again! The portal screams with energy from across the universe...
"Huh? What is that music? Have I heard it before?"
Time and space bring forth fire and war!
Warhead, Whose Head Burns With War, joins the EldritchHipsters.
"Are there moms here?"
"Excuse me?"
"I SAID ARE THERE MOMS HERE? Nevermind, this is still gonna rock."
Overwatch.
Eldritch Hipsters, Turn 3.
The Warhead fragment attempts a Heroic Feat! He leaps to the top of the DJ tower and begins to pump some thrashing death metal!
"Now THIS is music!"
"You feel me?!"
The raging guitar takes hold of every unoccupied Civilian...
Turning them into a Raging Mosh Pit of Death!
Feat Success.
The T-rex surges up towards Sir Sporktimus, and deals massive damage! He attempts to Redshirt once again...
And rolls an inch short. He's swallowed whole by the beast!
The T-rex roars triumphant!
EldritchHipster goes up against Sir Henry Thoroughgood again, this time just shoving him back...
Into the incredible paving power of the Zamboni!
DJ Baphet uses his Supernatural Dice to collapse some lampposts, setting fire to Granny Grunhilde's coffee shop perch!
Alison contributes another die to the Ritual, keeping it alive for this round!
Esoteric Society of Elders, Turn 3.
Madam Vedalia misses her crossbow shot.
Sir Pendleton Peltemeyer leaps up to strike at DJ Baphet!
But he could never have anticipated the DJ's counterstrike!
Dunwick goes to pour wine on the fires of the Ritual but it doesn't help. In fact it only burns brighter.
Meredith goes in for a swing at EldritchHipster!
But she misses, and gets counterstruck by a tentacle and slapped to death!
"Can these fogeys get any more delicate?"
Civilian Round.
Billy watches the flames grow higher.
Billy leaves.
The one remaining ice skater pops the top off the postbox...
And hides herself safely inside.
The Raging Moshpit of Death that Warhead unleashed surges towards Madam Vedalia...
Tearing her apart!
The moshers take all her stuff!
The fire spreads across Granny Grunhilde's perch, burning her alive.
The portal has all three Supernatural Dice that it needs! It surges with light and glory!
TO PURSUE WHAT IS UNKNOWN... THIS IS THE MISSION OF THE HIPSTER. TO DIVE INTO WHAT IS FORGOTTEN, TO WANDER IN UNDISCOVERED COUNTRY AEONS BEFORE IT BECOMES COOL. AND BEFORE ANYTHING WAS COOL, THERE WAS ONLY ONE...
WHOSE NAME IS FOREVER...
BRIKTHULU! 
Brikthulu turns to the last remaining Society member. It's Dunwick, the butler... and Dunwick is faced with dice that no Minifig can comprehend.
Brikthulu rolls the Supernatural D20.
Dunwick is transformed by Brikthulu's touch into an eldritch abomination!
The Eldritch Hipsters have won, and as they raise their hands and tentacles to praise Brikthulu, Warhead spins a thrashing beat as every remaining Civilian is rounded up and sacrificed to the Stud God! As the flaming festival rages on, the last remaining seconds to the Rekonstruktion tick down. When it hits, will any of this be the same? Will Brikthulu still be unleashed on Planet Zeltar? Will the Esoteric Society of Elders still have their pensions? Only the new Rekonstruktion will tell!
Overwatch.
