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SUMMONING THE 13TH QUEEN

After the fall of King Michael Mascot, the Licensium Council has gathered to discuss the situation at hand.



Loud arguments are thrown around the room by various high-ranking individuals of the Licensium Empire...



"Now 'old on, erryone!" 'Arry Pottah says in his nauseatingly British accent. "We need ta hurry this tea party before those CLOans try another bloody coup! We already lost our king, we can't afford another blow to our morale!"
A couple of the council's members try to voice their disagreement, but they're quickly interrupted.



"Without a leader, we're bloody doomed! Those sods from the Negabloktrix' Court will 'ave our heads on a cheap lead-painted platter! If we don't summon her, our power over the Brikverse will crumble to nothin'!"
Everyone slowly comes to an agreement.
"Alright then, chaps! Let's begin the ritua-"



The meeting is interrupted by a loud commotion outside and a voice yells out to the council members.
"GOOD EVENING, BUTTMAN AND FRIENDS!"
The caped crusader groans. "Not this douchecanoe..."



"Riddle me this, BUTTMAN...When is a CLOan not a CLOan?"



"I don't care about your stupid puzzles, Puzzler! Can't you see I'm busy?!"
"Who's that, Buttman? Your ex-boyfriend?"
"Don't you have a dead reboot to star in?"
"Low blow, man."



And so begins a 13 vs 13 Hero battle, which will surely be thrilling and totally not a series of constantly failed heroic feats.

TURN 1



"Tell me, Buttman...What rhymes with Tinder?"



"That's not even a puzzle!"
"Maybe he wants to know your Tinder acc-"
"OH SHUT UP!"



[HEROIC FEAT: SUCCESS]
Puzzler's question answers itself, as giant Kinder eggs crash into the Licensium army!



The scent of chocolate lures in a wild Figgsworth!



It begins devouring the egg and the unfortunate Buttman along with it...



While Figgsworth munches away at the cheap cocoa product the Licensium army prepares itself...Except for the frog who runs away, as frogs tend to do in war scenarios.



The Minekraft player tries to warn the others!



Unfortunately, he's too late.



"What're you looking at me for? I didn't intend to summon that...thing!"



"Ha ha! Oh wow, Shorty! Looks like *urrrp* things are finally getting interesting!"
"Cheese an' rice, Brick! If that thing notices us we're toast!"



"CHO-CO-LAAAAAAATE!" Figgsworth roars as he messily devours Steve in front of the others.



"QUICK! OPEN BOX THIRTEEEN!"



"...What the hell is this."





More and more minifigs are slaughtered by a hangry Figgsworth...
"OMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOMNOM!"



"So, should we like...Attack it?"
"Are you kidding me? I'd rather get a Buttarang through my skull than face...that."



"WHAT'RE WE GOING TO DO, BRICK?!"
"Eh, the fun part's over. Let's ditch this burning trash heap of a battle."



"HEY! AND WHERE THE **** DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!"
"Hey, Mistah P? Something's happenin' ovah there..."









Vile Kinder beasts emerge from their eggs, presented with the dead Licensium units as their very first meal.



"Ahhhh ****."

TURN 1.3



Before the CLOans get the chance to attack the foul beasts, the sound of a roaring engine grows louder...
"What in the dickens-"



[HEROIC FEAT: SUCCESS!]
"MOVIN' RIGHT ALONG~"



"GET OFF THE ROAD, YOU MORONS!"



"Are you sure we're going the right way?"
"Absolutely! I think."



BEEP BEEEEEEEEEEEEP!



[UNHEROIC FEAT: SUCCESS!]



"Cheese an' rice, Brick! We're getting slaughtered out here!"
"I know, and it's *URRRRP* amazing!"



"AMAZING?! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!"
"Everyone dies, Shorty. Some just faster than others."



"Are you sure we're going the right way?"
"Hai! I think."



"Looks we're going to be the Usain Bolt of dying, Shorty."
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH!"



"Ummm, Nia? Aren't those guys on our side?"
"Hai."





And so the Licensium Empire won by the power of friendship, vehicular manslaughter and a complete disregard for faction loyalties!



Meanwhile, at the Licensium base...



Blood begins to gather in the ritual circle as a crown floats up in the liquid...





...



"WAHOO!"

BATTLE RESULTS
WINNER: NO ONE, WE'RE ALL DOOMED NOW.

Holy carp, the forums are working! Must judge quickly while I still can!!!

...also, this battle was seriously weird.

Gameplay: 5 Lots of interesting shots, some weird vibes, and interesting stuff happening.

Photos: 4 Lots of them, would have been slightly better with some kind of background, but that is the ONLY reason you missed that last point.

Violence: 5 ...that is a lot of dead minifigures, and so many different ways to go! Love the use of random vehicles in this.

Writing: 5: It was kind of weird, kind of confusing, but inspired, and I like that you added the link to the Muppet Movie clip for effect.

Overall Appeal: 5 The weirdness was kind of striking and I have no idea where some of those minifigures came from, but this was Hilarious. And Violent. Violently Hilarious.

WHAT IN THE FUCK.
THIS IS MANY LEVELS OF CURSED BUT I LIKE WHERE IT'S GOING.

GAMEPLAY: 4. Total carnage, all-hero mayhem. Would have liked to seen more feats, but that is not how the dice rolled out.

PHOTOGRAPHY: 3. Photography was good with the focus of each picture pretty well-defined along the text. Nothing incredible but its FUCKING BRIKWARS.

Violence: 3. SO. MUCH. VEHICULAR MANSLAUGHTER. In itself, it's great but there needed to be MORE.

Overall Appeal: 3. Solid overall. Though there's some missed opportunities, The idea of a heroic brawl is fun when everyone involved gets a little limelight, at least before getting run over by a random giant white and gold limo.

Gameplay: 4
Photography: 3.5
Violence: 5
Writing: 3
Overthirteen Appeal: 3.5

I'm Canadian, so the Kinder Egg is considered good and not illegal. Beyond that, I have absolutely no idea what actually happened which means this was successful.

However, unexpected Fozzie just stirs up bad memories of going through the Muppets Collectible Minifigs and making my first mistake in thirteen years when packet feeling. This massively hurt you, but not as much as it hurt me. But you pay the price for it all the same because I am a corrupt and fickle judge..