[RK23] BRIKWARS 1988!

[MadMario]

I found a strange, old storage device, and after figuring out how to recover the data, I found what is propably the first brikwars battle ever recorded, way back in 1988!




So I restored the photos and text files from the data cassette, brought everything in the right order
and now you, too can experience...





***Start of recovered data***




I´m listening to the brand new tape of Guns'n'Roses while looking into this new game book I got recently. Time to give this 'brikwars' a try! I don´t know if ever someone took pictures of this, for cameras are very expensive, not to speak of turning them into digital computer files!




So we have a battlefield. And 4 factions...




The busy townspeople...




...the merry forestmen...




...the daring pirates...




...and the venturous spacemen!




To make sure that everyone can see when this battle was made, even in 35 years or so, I built this sign.
And now we´re ready to go!

[MadMario]

Pirates


The pirates start with looting a treasure...




A chest full of gold! How... unforeseeable! Pirates get a morality boost, +1 on all die rolls for two turns.




The pirate captain Bushwackle says: "There must be a real, real treasure out there. Let´s find it with this map!"




No sooner said than done. A mysterious big cross appears on the battlefield! (feat. success)




The pirates then set sails to reach the mainland. To seize the treasure and to slay some people.



Forestmen


The forestmen and their leader, One-eyed MacGreed, looked jealously on the townsfolk's wealth for a long while now.




They decide that it´s time to take from the rich and keep it for themselves.



Townspeople


The policemen get on their bikes, preparing for the upcoming conflicts they sense...




The mailman searches his cargo for something that´s suitable in a fight...




...and finds a mailbomb package among the regular letters! (feat. success)




The chef of the snack bar remembers a recipe for homemade rocket cupcakes...




...but obviously he got some ingredients wrong! A giant pile of dough runs out of the snackbar... (feat. fail)



Spacemen


The spacemen prepare to take the primitive villagers out of their misery, and colonize the town with their own hightech civilization.




So they board their vehicles and head right to the town center.




End of turn one

Kills / Losses

Pirates 0 / 0
Forestmen 0 / 0
Spacemen 0 / 0
Townspeople 0 / 0

[MadMario]

Pirates


The pirates get to the coast and prepare to engage the other factions.




Pirate: "Yarrr! This looks like a good weapon to me!"




Lefty, the left-behind pirate wants to contribute, too. Even if he`s far away.




He grabs the monkey and goes to the front end of the cannon. What is he up to? No one can say...




*Fump!* The monkey is gone. Lefty instructs him with orders and gives him a saber.




*PAPEW* And off he goes straight up to the town!




He crashes into a tree. Unharmed but disrupted.




Lefty has another idea. Maybe the parrot can bring him to his friends for a little... transporting fee?




But the bird is deeply offended by the pirates offer. Instead the pirate gets picked on the head.




The huffy bird then grabs the rest of the gold and flies away! (feat. critfail)



Spacemen


The spacemen still head to town. The policemen try to stop them at the town´s borders...





...but the red spacemen decide to go right through the blockade. One red spacemen falls of the vehicle and stays on the ground disrupted. The policeman is knocked away from his motorcycle and also disrupted.




Captain Nova takes out his portable communication device, and asks the orbit station for more weapons. He is the only one with a gun, which is impractical when trying to conquer a town.




The orbit station reacts promptly and sends a propelled delivery box! (feat. success)




Soon the spacemen are equipped with...




...the most devastating infantry weapon ever designed! (Wow, that meme will be famous in 35 years. Wait... what´s a meme?)




The spacemen get armed and are now ready to fight!



Townspeople


sweatsuit lady is the first to defend her town. She throws her sandwich at the nearest forestman with all her might!




*bonk*




Spearman: "Mylady, with due respect, but that was a mistake. I´m afraid I have to kill you now."




The chef tries to make the best out of the dough fiasco. At least he won the town`s baking contest of 1985! There must be something he can do with this clump.




Voila! With a little flour and kneading the clump becomes two doughfigs, ready to defend the town! (feat. success)




Meanwhile the mailman cautiously walks to the enemies, careful not to drop his explosive package!



Forestmen


One-eyed MacGreed leaps to the air, longing to behead a spaceman...




...but he overestimates the distance and ends up bonking against the space vehicle. He´s now disrupted, too.




The noble spearman keeps his promise and finishes off sweatsuit lady with a stab in the guts.
Sweatsuit lady: "URK!"




The other forestmen move up and take on the townsfolk less successfully. One misses, one does not enough damage and the last one even forgets how to use a bow!




End of turn two

Kills / Losses

Pirates 0 / 0
Forestmen 1 / 0
Spacemen 0 / 0
Townspeople 0 / 1

[MadMario]

Spacemen


The red space rover continues his speedrun, building up more momentum. It tries to hit the mailman, but he´s able to bail out of the way...




...and lands in front of some forestmen. From the package in his hand can be heard a click...
Mailman: "Oh, Sh*t..."




*BOOOM*
The mailbomb goes off, and the mailman with it. Also two unlucky forestmen, another one just gets knocked back.




Captain Nova tries to kill the disrupted cop, but fais blatantly to do so.




With no one in shooting range, the other spacemen get back into their 6927 and prepare to hit the road.



Forestmen


One-eyed MacGreed tries to shoot a pirate with his newly acquired gun, but does no harm at all.




The two remaining bowmen go for the doughfigs once more. And once more, their attack rolls are just crappy.



Townspeople


The doughfigs in return attack the bowmen, one is slightly out of reach, the other just successfully smashes on a bowman and crushes him instantly. Meanwhile the chef fails to remember his recipe for poisonous soup.




The policeman stops the Space vehicle.
Policeman: "Hey, do you have a license to drive a six-wheeled truck of this size? Also I´d like to know where the license plate is!"
Spaceman: "Uh, It´s a... space vehicle. We are spacemen. Since when does one need a license to..."
Policeman: "Well, well, that´s an indictable offense here. And what about those weapons? Got a license for those? No? Just like I thought!"
Spacemen: "..."




The policeman issues some tickets, confiscates the weapons and fixes a wheel clamp on the space rover. He then leaves behind some very, very confused spacemen. (feat. crit success)



Pirates


The pirates leave their raft and attack the nearest minifigs. Their stabs are not very harmful, though.




Even the pirate with the newly acquired weapon has no idea yet how to use it properly.




The monkey in the meantime leaps off the tree and lands on the surprised spaceman, who decides to be dead shortly after.




Captain Bushwackle reaches the big cross where the real treasure is supposed to be.




He immediately starts digging a big hole, like all pirates learn it in pirate school.




After a short while he finds a note saying:
"The real treasure is the enemies we kill on our ways. Better luck next time!"
Captain Bushwackle: "Yarr, nonsense! That can´t be it. There must be something else there!"




So he starts digging even deeper...




...until he finds some... goblets?




...which actually are the tailpipes of a brand new 4x4 vehicle, complete with pirate driver! (feat. crit success)
Captain Bushwackle: "AYE, Now we' talkin'!"



End of turn three

Kills / Losses

Pirates 1 / 0
Forestmen 1 / 3
Spacemen 0 / 1
Townspeople 3 / 2

[MadMario]

Pirates


Monkey is on a killing spree. He successfully attacks the next red spaceman and chops his head off while the rover is still speeding up...




...and now heads guideless towards the mailvan!




*BLAAAMM*
The obligatory explosion is spectacular, but with no further casualties.




Captain Bushwackle boards his new Landship and lets set course to "Wherever, main thing is we go over these space chums!"




No sooner said than done, the 4x4 truck mows over the Space rover´s cockpit, crushing anything and anyone in its way.
The two spacemen who were still very, very confused are now also very, very dead.




Yet the pirate driver looses control and crashes into the space crater at full speed, leaving him dead by glass window, and Captain Bushwackle thrown off the bed.



Spacemenman


Captain Nova first wants to finish what he started. This time he´s able to finish off the disrupted policeman.




He then once again puts out his handheld device to call in reinforcements from orbit...




The response comes immediately...




*SPLURCH*
...but the orbit command understood 'Space sh*t' instead of 'Spaceship'... (feat. critfail)
Capain Nova is now not only the last of the spacemen, he´s also stuck in a giant turd...




Forestmen


The remaining forestmen decide to try a totally different strategy now. They board the abandoned pirate raft and set sails for the small island.




Lefty, the left-behind pirate: "Oh blimey!"




Townspeople


The pirates have a hard time with the doughfigs. One´s narrowly out of range, the other one gets to engage a pirate in close combat.




The policeman decides to show the pirate how big weapons are used. Too bad the pirate now won´t be able to make use of this lesson anymore...




Meanwhile the chef remembers the recipe for poisonous soup. But he forgets that tasting is not a good idea in this case...




At least we now know that the recipe worked. (feat. critfail)




End of turn four

Kills / Losses

Pirates 2 / 2
Forestmen 1 / 3
Spacemen 1 / 4
Townspeople 4 / 3

[MadMario]

Forestmen


One-eyed MacGreed senses there's not much left to do.
MacGreed: "We're in the endgame now!"
Bowman: "Huh, nice slogan. Someone should use that in a movie someday!"
MacGreed knocks off the lids of the rearward powder kegs that make up part of the raft, and tries to ignite the powder with a shot from the gun...




*FWOOOSH!* The powder ignites and the raft goes from zero to hyperspeed in 0.1 seconds!




While MacGreed managed to hold onto the main pylon, the bowman gets blown off the raft, where he drowns instantly.




With maximum speed and momentum the raft rushes to Lefty's Island...




...where it goes off into a giant fireball instantly, killing both Lefty the left-behind pirate and One-eyed MacGreed.

*Forestmen eliminated*


Townspeople


The doughfigs continue their rampage on the intruders. One more effective than the other.
One pirate dies, the other can hold up to the attack.




The policeman keeps on testing his new weapon. This time on an even easier target.
Captain Nova loses his head about the situation.


*Spacemen eliminated*



Pirates


The remaining pirates decide to not give a damn on this battle anymore. They plan to collect all valuable stuff and hit the road.
Captain Bushwackle: "Take what you can, give nothing back!"
Pirate: "Easy, Cap. That movie won´t be out sooner than 15 years from now..."




They toss out the dead pilots remains, and put all kinds of valuables in the truck. Weapons, tools, gear, space computers...
When everything is tucked up securely, they drive into the sunset singing pirate songs.
"yo ho, yo ho, a pirate's life for me..."



*Pirates left the battle*


Winners (Last men standing) - The Townspeople!



Policeman, to the doughfigs: "Well, I hope we're not supposed to clean this mess up!"
[Canned_sitcom_laughter.SID]




THE END



Thanks for watching, and mainly

Thanks for participating (in order of appearance):

-bertinator as 'The Pirates'

-Sir Vegece, The Pilot as 'The Forestmen'

-BoultonPaulDefiant as 'The Spacemen'

-MrPresident as 'The Townspeople'




*This battle report will be out on VHS and 3,5" Floppy Disc in early `89*

[Scribonius]

Well, this was.. retro... a little odd... kind of silly... yeah, pretty decent as a Brikwar.

Fun: I'm going for a 19 on this. It was silly, very nostalgic, weird, but enjoyable to watch.

Violence: 8. There was some, but the quality felt a little off. Don't get me wrong, it was quite appropriate. Monster truck rolling over stuff, hitting people with a big brick-built #1, rocket raft, all in good messy fun, but it felt like it lacked something.

Photography: ......... uhhhhhhhhh man, this is actually hard. I'm going to have to go with a 7. The action was a little hard to follow at times. Lots of photos, and I get that the pic quality was bad ON PURPOSE to represent the kind of recording devices we had back in the late 80's, but no backgrounds, shots were a little clunky at times, just... I dunno...

Writing: 6. i'm sorry, it was just lacking something. I liked the concept behind it, with the theme and all, but it really just felt like "hey, we're catalog pages that someone dumped next to each other, let's fight."

Story: 6 again. See above. I suppose one could argue that this is rekonquoring the past or something, but there really wasn't much of a story at all, other than "hey, old lego sets fighting for supremacy." Didn't really fit the vibe of the Rekon. Wasn't bad, just felt like it was lacking a more coherent plot other than "we are supreme."

[Gorvoslov]

Fun: 18
Violence: 8
Photography: 10
Writing: 9
Story: 7

To show the whippersnappers how far technology has come, "potato" was state of the art for photo quality back in the ancient times of 1988, so I scored accordingly. Edit: I mean what magnificent tapestries from 988. Edit the more: Impressive to have known how to use the ability to write to document stuff other than the German people in 98. Edit the most I hope: WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT? YOU ARE ONLY SUPPOSED TO POETICALLY CURSE IN THE YEAR 9!

I am, however, surprised you didn't try to make either your Spacemen into some of that "Star Wars" stuff or the Castle into some of that "HE-MAN!" stuff. I've heard the kids are big into that stuff now that mullets are starting to fall out of fashion.

[Quantumsurfer]

Lunchbox has been locked out of their account. They've sent their scores to me directly, so I will copypost them here on their behalf.

Fun: 19/20. Such a great idea, such a great mixing of genres, lots of fun moments.
Violence: 7/10. I think the middle turns are a bit light on violence but it ramps up later.
Photography: 6/10. Tracks the battle adequately. Does exactly what it needs to.
Writing: 8/10. Great concept, good dialogue, sometimes a little clunky, but humorous and I liked it.
Story: 6/10. There's some great moments but it loses steam at the end.

[ninja_bait]

This battle slaps