Invasion of the BFFs

[Food_Truk]

"The Conventu Scolastici Aeternitatis is a collective of the Brikverse's most brilliant scientists who conduct research and experiments in order to unveil the secrets of the 'Verse...But even in a perfect organization such as the CSA, there are...'variables'."



Meet the Maniac Beer Research Team located on the far-off abandoned industrial planet of Amptirodes. Dr. Gus, Dr. Angus, Professor Pawpaw and Dr. Chuck.



From extracting the blue stuff out of magik users...



To figuring out how to befriend the natives...
"I'm gonna sing ya meh favorite song..."
"Please just go back to stabbing me with needles."



And other sciencey stuff.
"Stop lookin' outside and help me measure this dagnabbin' dose o' blue, Chuck!"

IN THE DISTANCE...



"HI KIDS! ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FUN?"
"I'M READY! I'M READY!"



"MISS ROSE HAS PREPARED A SPECIAL SURPRISE FOR ALL OF YOU!"
"OOOOH CAN WE SHOW IT YET CAN WE PLEASE OH PLEASEEEEE!!!"



"ALRIGHT EVERYONE! LET'S COUNT TO THREE!"
"ONE..."
"TWO..."
"TWO AND A HALF..."
"TWO AND 7/13TH..."
"THREEEEE!"



[LEGENDARY DIEMON ARTIFAKT: DHORWEY] HAS BEEN SUMMONED.



As it opens its giant maw, hordes of Bald Furious Fiends (BFFs) appear at the entrance one by one...The remnants of Fiends who were scalped by M.o.M.'s hair hunters for selfish (but fashionable!) purposes.
"Hair...Hair..." they groan as they eagerly seek out anything that can replace their once luscious locks.



"Trouble's brewin', Pawpaw..."

[Food_Truk]

>| TURN 1 |<



"You unaliving gits need t'get outta here before we's get nasteh!"
"You tell 'em, Chuck!"



"HAIR..."



Angus tries to inspire his fellow scientists into action with a good ol' fashioned banjo war song, but all he ends up doing is annoying them.



Chuck moves forward, wishing he could get away from Angus' ruckus faster. He'd rather get killed by a Fiend now.



Gus charges forward, enraged by the foul sounds emitting from Angus' instrument. He needs to kill something to vent his frustrations.



"AWW DANG IT, SCREW THIS! I NEED ME SOMETHING BIGGER!" shouts Pawpaw as he throws his rifle to the ground and fetches...



"Uh, Pawpaw? What's that?"
"None'a yer business, sonny!"



Pawpaw pulls the trigger on the definitely-not-an-illegal-weapon-obtained-from-a-shady-weapons-dealer, the resulting blast providing enough recoil to push both scientists backwards.



As it hits one of the Fiends, it disintegrates into a pile of blue liquid!



The rest of them charge forwards towards Gus, as fast as the undead abominations' legs can drag them.



The Diemon grabs a dotted cube...





...And summons 3 more Fiends!
"HAIR..."

[Food_Truk]

>| TURN 2 |<



Angus replaces the merry banjo plucking for music befitting an actual battle, and begins to rock out on his guitar! His ossum rock anthem inspires his fellow scientists into DOUBLE ACTION! (That's like, two whole actions, yo.)



The fury of Gus is like a red martini, and the rock music is its olive. He furiously stabs around him, at some point actually hitting a target! His rake shreds a Fiend to pieces as the rest slowly shambles towards him.



"GIT BACK, YA FILTHY HIPSTER SCUM!"
Chuck sprays one of the Fiends with a transparent blue liquid...



-Turning it into a fish.



"BAH! I NEEDS ME SOMETHIN' BIGGER!"



"BEHOLD!"



"ROCK, ON!"
Pawpaw activates the Ridiculously Oversized Color Kannon, blasting a rainbow of transparent energy onto the battlefield!



The resulting explosion kills three Fiends, a fish and sends Gus flying on his ass.



Gus gets up, rattled from the blast...



And immediately decapitates the closest Fiend with a furious roar!



Chuck tries to spray another Fiend, but he's suffering from projectile dysfunction. Embarrassing.



"Nah, that ain't it either!" Pawpaw tosses the ROCK aside.



"Lessee if THIS will do the trick!"



"OI, DIEMON! F*CK YOU!"



One of the Fiends rushes into Chuck, but their scissors get parried!



"Thanks for making mah job easier, ya hairless schmuck." A simple shot from the liquid...



-And the Fiend is now a Flower. Chuck is collecting some interesting data here, if only he could write.



A dual-wielding Fiend furiously flashes towards Gus! One attack misses...



The second attack cleanly cuts Gus' hair off! While he can actually go outside in public without looking like a homeless meth head now, his masculine features have been heavily reduced!



The other Fiends slowly begin to close in on the scientists.



Dhorwey returns the professor's gestures...





And two more Fiends are summoned onto the battlefield!

+++ OVERWATCH +++

[Food_Truk]

>| TURN 3 |<



Angus has discovered his true talent: Being metal af.





He successfully starts an experimental trance punk metal band! Two new units enter the group! (Josh the Martian and Hank the Wereshark)



Gus takes his revenge on the Fiend who took away his precious manliness with furious rake stabbing.



Chuck's attempt at an attack only ends up watering the flowers. He should really look at the pressure in his tank.



The flowers react to the TB liquid, growing into a 6creant!



Pawpaw launches a round of explosives at the diemon artifakt, taking out one of its eyes!



The 6creant, grateful for Chuck helping it grow decides to help out! Two Fiends try to charge from behind...



...And proceed to get absolutely WRECKED by the floral diemon.



Bald faces bald as a Fiend attempts to stab Gus, who manages to parry the scissors with his rake.



The magik-wielding Fiends cast a spell, and Chuck's pet plant is set ablaze! Poor Chuck, nothing he cares for survives.



Dhorwey lets out a pitiful wailing sound, summoning five armored Fiends to the battlefield!

[Food_Truk]

>| TURN 4 |<



Gus makes quick work of his assailant, piercing the Fiend with his mighty rake!



"They took everything away from me..." Gus whispers dramatically, swearing to build a throne out of the enemies' scissors like it's some kind of game.



Chuck either has a brilliant idea, or he's just tired of carrying a heavy canister filled with dangerous liquids around. He drops the thing on the ground...



"HEY PAWPAW! GONNA NEED SOME PRESSURE OVAH HERE!"



"COMIN' RIGHT UP, SONNY!"



Pawpaw jumps on top of the tank with the mech's foot...



Which just causes the entire thing to shatter into pieces, drenching Chuck in most of it. "Aww dagnabbit!"



Chuck feels the transparent blue energy taking over him...



Chuck turns into a Werescientist! "AW00000!"



Angus decides there needs to be more violence, and smacks his bandmate in the face to incite a moshpit!



Inspired by the obscene music and wanton display of fighting, the Fiends start attacking each other! Two go down, and Dhorwey's confusion prevents it from summoning more this turn!

[Food_Truk]

>| TURN 5 |<



"Aww gee, Chuck! Din'a mean ta getcha all furfig'd up! Here, lemme help ya!"



"ALLEE-OOP!"



Pawpaw chucks his werewolf co-worker Chuck into the maw of Dhorwey, sending him to who-knows-what kind of place.



After getting a taste of unwashed scientist robes mixed with the texture of wolf fur, Dhorwey begins to throw up NGT all over the Fiends!



Gus takes the opportunity to wade through the NGT vomit, collecting scissors and wands...



He is now a king. A king who probably has picked up some weird kind of NGT poisoning.



"Alla this violence is makin' me THIRSTAY! Lessgo grab some BOOZE!"
The alien agrees with Angus. The shark appears to be dead.



They are joined by the (former) captive and (formerly) dead wizard.



"CHEERS!" they yell, clinking their fancy TB drinks together after trying to make moonshine and accidentally ending up with something that would make bartenders envious. (Wizard's wand garnishing optional but recommended.)

||| OVERWATCH |||

[Food_Truk]

>| TURN 6 |<



Drunk on power and NGT Diemon vomit, Gus decides to drop the whole scientist schtick and switch to practicing CHAOS MAGIC to create his well-deserved throne of scissors and heads!



Gus dies as a Diemon made out of scissors and Fiend heads crushes him under its weight. Chaos magic, amirite?



Pawpaw studies the Diemon vomit, and detects high amounts of NGT energy in it! (Gross.)



Since merely investigating things is a boring non-action, Pawpaw also decides to assault the things standing in the way of SCIENCE!!! Dhorwey shields itself from the assault, but the scissorhead Diemon is hit!



"Alright fella, I'mma teassch you how a...a Hadron Gli...Kollishun doesh shtuff and...shtuff." Angus mumbles shitfacedly, as the four of them rip the roof off the car and decide to go for a joyride.



Oh boy, here we go.

--- OVERWATCH ---



MEANWHILE, SOMEWHERE ELSE...



Chuck has a lot of things to think about.



Luckily, Chuck is a feral manbeast floating through an endless void, so there isn't much thinking going on. He wishes he had something to bite though.



Will you look at that, wishes DO come true! A friendly star greets him! "Hello! You must be lost! I'm-"



Chuck bites it in the face.

[Food_Truk]

>| TURN 7 |<



Pawpaw magically SCIENTIFICALLY summons more firearms on his mech and launches a barricade of all his weapons on Dhorwey and the scissorhead Diemon,!



Dhorwey is critically damaged, and the scissorhead Diemon slumps to the ground as it dies from its wounds.



"You guysh wanna shee shomethin' osshum?"
"Brick yeah, bro!"



Angus rams his feet on the pedal and the car goes up into a wheelie!



Unfortunately, Angus' intended NGT puke-spreading wheelie turns into vehicular Diemonslaughter as he accidentally runs over the damaged Dhorwey, instantly killing it.



The car flips over and crashes, killing all passengers except for Angus who is flung 'safely' out of the vehicle.



"Oh man, that wash wild! Right, guysh!?...Guysh?"



"Fine, I'm taking mah banjo. Shcrew you guysh."



Pawpaw checks in on Angus. "You alright, sonny?"
"Yep! Got mah banjo."



WINNER: CSA

MEANWHILE...



"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!"