[GG 25] Bockarna måste brinna!

[MadMario]

[Gävle Goat 2025] Introduction:

In the town of Gävle, Sweden, each year since 1966 a giant straw goat is erected to attract tourists and have them spend their money in local shops. But it´s a goat made of straw, and - well - right away in the first year and nearly ever since it got burnt down. The whole story is too funny and totally brikwars-worthy, and so my hyperfixation of the last weeks went into
1) learning ANYTHING about the goat and 2) making a brikwars battle out of this. So here we are!



The Gävlebocken stands once again in the castle square, in graceful silence.



Also Lillbocken (yes, there's two of them - read the fuckin story already!) is standing, accompanied by some proud members of the Natural Science School.



All is well at the start of december, but a suspicious amount of foreign tourists have gathered in the streets around the festive display... What are they up to? Are they finally here to... BURN THE GOATS?

[MadMario]

The Purple Pimp collects an empty cup and 5$ from the park.



He then asks the Captain nearby:
"Excuse me, do you happen to have any booze?"



"Oh, my good stuff is still on the boat, but if you fancy a REALLY good grappa, ask Giovanni in the restaurant for his 'Gran Riserva'!"
"Kthxbye!"




The Raincoat Guy walks over to the nearest shop.



At the doorstep he finds 5$ and picks them up, then enters the shop.



"Welcome to Peterssons Pets. What can I do for you?"
"Um, What do I get for 5$?"



Yule-ius ('tis the Caesar) had a rough day. He goes to the hot chocolate stand right away.



"Gimme the strongest you have!"
"Sure, how you wanna pay for it?"
"Erm... just... take the money that already lies on the counter?"
"Sure, okay. And here´s your change."
"Thanks. That was easy."



"Rough day, too, huh?"
"Yeah, very sad. Anyways, do you know where to get power tools here? You know... those damn goat pens always fall apart so quickly..."




Mr. Crocodile would like to move around town a little faster.
"Excuse me, local person. Where are those fancy electric citibikes that all tourist towns have nowadays?"



"Bwahaha. The city treasury is empty. Those goats are expensive, y'know? But there´s some old rusty bicycles in the side alleys if you really badly don´t want to walk..."



"Pah, I guess this'll have to do for now..." *skreeech!*




The Orange Punk walks to the nearby toy stand of the small Manly Santa Day market in search for useful things.
"Yo, saleslady, do ya have anything with batteries?"



"Hmm, let`s see... A giant nutcracker-shaped lighter... big explosive firework rocket... ah, here. This RC train has batteries!"



"Thanks!"
Orange Punk immediately cracks it open and 2 large type "A" batteries fall out.
"Yeah, now I have batteries. What next?"





Green Hair Lady activates her translator app and asks a nearby lady where she can get gasoline.
"Ahem... HVOR KAN FÄ SAAN TAK BENSIINIÄ?"



" 'ae, maika'i maoli ke aniau!"



*sigh* "That thing's not helping. Well, at least I found some money. Now I just need to find a gas station nearby..."




Maria immediately grabs the nearest passerby at the shoulder.
"My man, you look like you know this fine town. I´m sure you wanna show me around and help me with everything I do. Sure thing?"
The local introvert is overburdened with words and physical contact and asks the most obvious question.
"Varför har du inte byxor på dig? Det är vinter..."



"Exactly my new best friend. Come on buddy, let´s have some fun in this town!"
"Vad i helvete håller du på med?"




The Tron Cultist climbs on the nearby lamppost...



*CLANK* *PLONK* *THUD*



"Long live the light! Everyone must see the light!"



Overwatch.



The police patrol is getting a little suspicious of the strange behaving tourists, and informs the HQ to keep reinforcements ready. Just in case.



The 'Alert Levels' of the NPC factions are still low, for not much dangerous or illegal has happened by now.

[MadMario]

Raincoat Guy


"Congrats, Sir! You are the ten thousandth customer of PET OUTLET, and this means you get ALL the pets we have in stock right now for the price of 5$!"
"Umm... yay?"



And so, a very baffled Raincoat Guy leaves the shop with a bunch of new "friends".
"Hm, I don´t really know how that will help, but we'll see how it turns out."



Mr. Crocodile

Mr. Crocodile suddenly notices something on the jacket of the guy that helped him moments ago.



"Wait a minute... You, too are a fan of "Vrål" the swedish dubstep jazz metal project?"
"Um, yes indeed. How'd you know? They have like 10 fans or something"
"I'M ONE OF THEM! I always carry a signed copy of their first album around with me, just In case I need to show it to a random guy in a swedish town!"



"It´s such a great album, right? Especially "The Goats Must Burn" and "Inflamed Straw" are real bangers!"
"Yeah, I always wondered if there are any sublimial messages in their music. But I guess it´s just those great melodies. My favourite track is still "Now Go And Set Fire To Those Damn Goats Already You Dim-Witted Crocodile!"



Yule-ius

"You need to repair a goat pen? You're lucky, I have my toolbox with me and just wanted to give someone who could use it, for I am retiring."
"From your job?"
"No, from this map. This was my whole plot, and now I can go to the edge of the field and cease to exist."
"Umm... thanks and... farewell, then?"



"Ahem. So, now I have some power tools. But THE BATTERIES seem to be EMPTY. Also it's getting DARK and I can hardly see what else is in the toolbox. If only I had some SOURCE OF LIGHT here...!"



Orange Punk and Tron Cultist

"Well, have we got news for you..."
"Yeah, man. We get it. You want a Team-up. Had the same idea, actually. The light shines for EVERYONE."



"OMG did we just form a team? We need matching shirts and a secret handshake and..."
"Easy, lad. Or we start by putting our stuff together..."
"...and spread the light!"


Purple Pimp

Purple Pimp goes straight up to the restaurant, passing by Raincoat Guy, who just looks at him a bit quizzical.



"Hello good sir, someone told me you have the finest Grappa in town?"



"I'd say even the best in the whole country! Would you like a glass?"
"I'll take the whole bottle, please."



"Excellent choice, it´s the last full bottle I have. Pleasure doing business with you."
"Yeah, while we're at it - do you have any lighters, matches or similar igniter devices for sale?"
"Oh, I have like one lighter, but I need that for the candles..."
"I´d just need to borrow it for... as long as the way to that goat over there is..."


Raincoat Guy

"Or even better: you give ME the lighter, or else..."



Marie and the Swede

Marie and the Swede are heading to the fence that surrounds the Gavle Goat. Marie immediately starts to dismantle it.
"Come on, sweetie, help me here!"
"Är det verkligen nödvändigt? Jag tror att det är förbjudet..."
"Yeah, darling, I know..."



"...and now be a good boy and take this spear. And then you just kill everyone that tries to get near us or that Goat, okay? And loot any items from the bodies that could be used to set fire to straw. Get that?"
"Åh herregud, varför gillar jag det här?"




The policecar stops, as the officer sees some tourists doing some really unusual things. Did they just break that fence? Before he can even further evaluate on this...



Green Hair Lady

...the Green Hair Lady approaches the police car.
"Hey Mister Officer, can you give me a ride to the nearest gas station. I need gasoline urgently!"
"Why..What? You don`t even have a car? What do you want with gasoline? Also, I'm not a taxi!"
"Come on, I can pay you for the ride! I really badly need that gasoline!"




"For. What. Purpose. Exactly?"
"Um - It's just cheaper than at home?"
"Yeah, sure. Okay, I've had enough of this bullshit. Hello, HQ? There's some really fishy things going on in the town center. I think it's better to send some more officers for patrolling here!"
"Copy that. They'll be there shortly."




Overwatch.



The Alert levels have risen. Police reinforcements and security guards for the goat will arrive shortly.

[MadMario]

Mr. Crocodile

The two hardcore music fans still talk shop about their favourite band's album.
"Too bad we never got a music video for the hit single 'Bockarna måste brinna'. That song was a banger, too."
"Well, why don't we just catch up on that RIGHT NOW!?!"

Out of nowhere, flashing lights and music appear, quick cutscenes through the whole city, and don't ask where the dancing girls came from. It's just music video logic. At the end, our music enthusiasts stand each on their own goat, accompanied by dancers and each with a lighter in their hand.


♬♬♬♬
My mind slowly kills me,
keeps dragging me to hell,
endlessly it's screaming:
"Jag vill se en eld!"
♬♬♬♬



♬♬♬♬
I can´t even tell
if that makes me a sinner,
All I really know is
"BOCKARNA MÅSTE BRINNA!"
♬♬♬♬



Marie and the Swede

Meanwhile, Marie sets up a french style picnic with good baguette, good cheese and - of course - good wine.
"There ya go buddy. skål!"
"Du vet att det är olagligt här? Men jag tror att du bara gillar att vara dålig."
"I know. And I do. That's the whole fun!"



She suddenly gets aware that someone is standing above them.
"What the... How'd you get up there?"
"We were just shooting a video clip for..."
"GET THE FUCK OFF THAT GOAT RIGHT NOW!"
"Well, make me."



"As you wish!"
Maria swiftly grabs one of the spears and swings it...



*THWOK!* *splurch*
Vrål-fan is skewered and thrown off the goat. But he doesn't even feel the impact on the ground anymore.




The members of the Naturvetenskapliga Föreningen (Natural Science Club) also notice the imminent threat!
"Guys, there's a crocodile with a lighter on top of Lillbocken!"
"Stop daydrinking already."
"NO, LOOK!"
"Is that a Crocodile or an Alligator?"
"WHO CARES ABOUT THAT NOW???"



"We need help"
The upset scientists makes a quick call.
"Yo, Agent D. - Remember that favor you owe us? Now is the time."



The answer comes promptly:
"I'll be there in no time. Por la ciencia y la cabra!"



Orange Punk, Yule-ius and Tron Cultist

The newly-formed team starts putting together their resources to build a device that fits their needs...



...and successfully build the MIGHTY LIGHTBRINGER



Purple Pimp / Raincoat Guy

"Ha, You ain't got shit! If you excuse me now, I have a goat to burn!"
Purple Pimp shoves Raincoat Guy out of the entrance and starts running across the street...
"Oh, we'll see about that. GET HIM, GUYS!"



The small animal army immediately goes for Purple Pimp, bringing him down.
"Toucan, grab that grappa! You know what to do!"



the colourful birb snatches the bottle and flies straight to Gävlebocken, where the ignited lighter of Vrål-fan is still sitting...




AND THEN, THINGS ESCALATE QUICKLY





"Time to shine, little guy!"


"Let everyone see the light! BE the light!"


*Caaw! Caaw!*






*FWOOSH!*


*FWOOSH!*


*sizzle*






Both goats are now on fire!



Overwatch.



The Alert Levels have reached peak levels immediately, no wonder with the chaos going on around!
Police, Security, Firemen and a Secret Agent will arrive at the beginning of turn four!

[MadMario]

The beginning of the last turn sees the arrival of many, many police forces. Also, the private security services sent troops to protect the goats, and the fire department spreads out in hope of saving the flammable landmarks from the worst.



Mr. Crocodile

"Hmm, truly not the best idea I had. How do I get off here now?"
"No need to worry 'bout that anymore, gringo!"
"What? Who said that?"



"¡Hola, Soy Dora."
Super-Dora The Explorien makes a superhero-landing and gets straight to work.



*SCHPRONK!*
"¡Qué desastre más sangriento! That will teach you bad guy not to burn goats!"
Not only is Mr. Crocodile suddenly ended, but the wind of Dora's cape also extinguishes the fire on Lillbocken!



Orange Punk, Yule-ius and Tron Cultist

"We need more light!"
"Got ya. Hold on a minute..."



The team brings down another lamppost and upgrades the MIGHTY LIGHTBRINGER to the EVEN MORE MIGHTIESTEST LIGHTERBRINGERERER!!!


And they immediately try out the improved device.



*FWOOSH!*
The patrol car goes up in flames and melts to the ground. The cop is instantly roasted far beyond 'well done'.



Green Hair Lady (who just bought the binoculars from the captain):
"Hm, I wonder if I can use my gadgets to call in an airstrike. That would..."



*FWOOSH!*
Well, obviously that's not gonna happen.



Unfortunately, the long use of the Lighterbringererer made it overheat, and now it spreads the light once more in every direction, killing Orange Punk and making the other teammates fleeing the scene!


Purple Pimp

Regarding fleeing: Purple Pimp sees his chance to escape the animals' grasp and makes a run for it.



"My job here's done. The goat burns. I'm outta here!"



On his way off the map's edge, he finds some money.
"Now that's a good sign. You can call me Rich Purple Pimp now!"


Raincoat Guy

Raincoat guy stands baffled as his animals could only watch Purple Pimp escape.
"Well, dammit. At least the goat burns. That's what counts. Time to go home, I guess."



Yet as the police cars pass by, the feline gets very nervous.



She suddenly turns around and says:
"Damn, the cops are here! I'm not going to prison! Not again!"
"Da fuck?"



The furious furball unpacks a bunch of weapons.
"Here, assemble this! I'll equip the others!"
"What the heck is happening here?"



"I tell ya what's happening here! THEY'RE NOT GETTING US ALIVE!!!"
"Uh. Yeah. I guess."



"DEATH TO THE SUPPRESSORS!!!"
*Dakka* Dakka* *Splurch* *Dakka* *Dakka*




Meanwhile, Super-Dora sees how the security guards beat up the remains of Mr. Crocodile for no reason.



She's not amused.



"Muerte a los supresores, indeed!"
*Blam* *Blam*



Marie and the Swede

Marie sees herself surrounded by policemen and security guards, but she won't give up that easy.
She pulls out her machinegun and yells at her companion.
"C'mon, man! We won't make it easy for them, will we?"
"Jag är för full för att slåss..."
"Yeah, dammit. Me too..."



And so, due to alcoholic induced slowness, both Marie and the Swede get shot in the back by some overzealous security guards.




The goat meanwhile is fully ablaze, and the firemen can only watch it burn down, for they can never reach it in time...



Only Super-Dora and the scientists are happy, because Lillbocken is still standing!





THE END

[MadMario]

Mayor: "And, what's the statistics this year?"
Police Chief: "Well, the goat burned down, we lost a dozen policemen and those 'tourists' had half the town center reduced to rubble. Also, most of the perpetrators are on the loose. And the costs for cleanup and reinforcements are skyrocketing."



Mayor: "Well, that sounds like a full success, doesn't it? We should definitely do this again! Next year, same place. After all, it's the goat's 60th anniversary then!"
Police Chief:*sigh* "Yeah. Great idea..."