A Certain Gaussian Surface

[Theblackdog]

Damn, that was badass.

[cleanupcrew]

Annie: For a supposed Tek Level 7 civilization, those Trattorians are really weak. How did they beat Valoros in seven hours anyway?
"BBB Trattorian Recovery Force 00411 en route to Planet VAL-156-beta."


"Due to the proximity to populated areas with witnesses, you will be discreetly inserted via parachute from a starfighter...are you even listening to us? Hello? Hello?"




General Axelrod: Team "Magical Girl Killers" here to fuck up your day, hope you don't mind!
Annie gurgles the blood in her mouth in response.


General Axelrod: Argh, these damn magical girls never know when to call it a game. Ah fuck it, Sports Fan, do the honors!


Major Sports Fan: Yes, sir! One strikeout coming right up!


Major Sports Fan: And Major Sports Fan hits it right out of the fucking park! I didn't even need that steel cricket bat this time! Sweet fucking dreams, magical bitch!


General Axelrod: Now she cheated us out of a good fight, this 'bout as close as we get to real entertainment. I'm almost tempted to just let her witch out here and give us a better rematch, but Command wanted this operation "clean".




General Axelrod: It's a pity Command doesn't let us keep these things, they look real damn nice as trophies. Something or other about "safety" or some bullshit like that. Since when did those whitecoat types care about safety?


General Axelrod: So we'll take the next best thing—their scalp. Hey Sports Fan, try to hit their torso next time, this one's got blood matted all over it. Wouldn't want it staining the rest of my collection.

[Silverdream]

Would you look at that soul gem, it's as dirty as your mother's asshole.

That's the best thing I've read on these forums.

[The Shadowscythe]

Would you look at that soul gem, it's as dirty as your mother's asshole.

That's the best thing I've read on these forums.

And it came out of colette.

[Silverdream]

And it came out of colette.

Not really surprising. He's the only competent brikfic writer, aside from maybe Dilanski.

[cleanupcrew]

And it came out of colette.

Not really surprising. He's the only competent brikfic writer, aside from maybe Dilanski.

Seems like you forgot about Scythe...oh wait...

[Duerer]

Axelrod and Sports Fan are officially my favorite Trattorian characters! Great job!

[cleanupcrew]

General Axelrod: Hey look, a message from our sponsors.
Dr. Liang: I could just teleport over here, but I don't feel well about my safety in proximity to you yahoos. I hope the hologram doesn't excessively bother you two.
General Axelrod: Do whatever, queen whitecoat.


Dr. Liang: So this is TRF-00411, the legendary Trattorian Recovery Force that has terminated hundreds of anomalies for the Black Box Bureau.
General Axelrod: Damn right, although we prefer to go by our nickname, "The Magical Girl Killers".
Dr. Liang: This TRF also happens to specializes in close combat and sentient anomalies. You forgo the use of the sophisticated technology available to TRFs and yet still manage a nonpareil termination success rate...I suppose there are some things even beyond my understanding.


Dr. Liang: General Shuvam Axelrod, you have displayed an efficacious record of service in eliminating anomalies, starting with the engagement with Princess Killestia during Operation Regenbogen that cost you your legs.
General Axelrod: Damn right I have! I still have that horn, use it as a latrine plunger.
Dr. Liang: And Major Tyler Fenway, alias "Sports Fan", you lost nervous control of your upper body during an engagement with a RARCom electromaster esper. To compensate, you've mounted a powered exosuit and taken to using sports equipment as your primary armament.
Major Sports Fan: That electric psycho couldn't do jack shit against my trusty wooden baseball bat!


Dr. Liang: If I may inquire as to what happened to the rest of TRF-00411? The last time I checked there were—
General Axelrod: We lost over half the team in the last mission fighting that Haruhi—whatever the fuck her weeaboo name was. She wasn't a magical girl, she was a fucking god in little girl form. Always the worst fucking kind.
Dr. Liang: Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask of you a favor.
General Axelrod: Shoot, queen whitecoat.


Dr. Liang: I'm sending you on a mission to kill a god in little girl form.
Dr. Liang: If I could ask you to restrain yourself, please, Mr. Axelrod.
General Axelrod: Suppose you're right, sounds like a good fight at least. Maybe I'll meet my match, haven't had as much fun since that Killestia fight.


Dr. Liang: Your target is Quantumsurfer Colette. Quantumsurfers are extraordinarily powerful beings who can induce changes in reality according to their whims—reminiscent of the Bavarian alchemists you've killed in the past, only several orders of magnitude stronger. Think less reality-bender and more reality-writer. Quantumsurfer Colette possesses a prodigious amount of raw strength as a Quantumsurfer, defeating several others of her power tier in the past. However, she also has the unusual quirk of attempting to follow a certain set of physical laws and impelling others to do the same. Further information on the nature of those physical laws is classified.
General Axelrod: She also wears a ridiculous-as-fuck magical girl costume.
Dr. Liang: That is correct.
General Axelrod: In other words, another magical girl to get rid of. We got this, whitecoat, this is TRF-00411's specialty.


Dr. Liang: Excellent. Since TRF-00411 forgoes the use of teleportation, a military shuttle will pick you up shortly. You will convene with two operatives from TRF-14542 ("Ragtag Band of Misfits") and then continue to planet NEU-6435-Beta in neutral space bordering the Order of the Equinox, the last place our surveillance detected Quantumsurfer Colette.
General Axelrod: Probably classified, but why is that planet so banged up?
Dr. Liang: We deployed a planet-busting negative strangelet bomb, but it failed to terminate the anomaly. We voted to attempt deployment of TRF-00411 before trying a system-wide neutrina purge.


Dr. Liang: Any questions?

[The Shadowscythe]

Dr. Liang: If I may inquire as to what happened to the rest of TRF-00411? The last time I checked there were—
General Axelrod: We lost over half the team in the last mission fighting that Haruhi—whatever the fuck her weeaboo name was. She wasn't a magical girl, she was a fucking god in little girl form. Always the worst fucking kind.
Dr. Liang: Well, I'm afraid I'm going to have to ask of you a favor.
General Axelrod: Shoot, queen whitecoat.
Dr. Liang: I'm sending you on a mission to kill a god in little girl form.
General Axelrod: FUCKING COCKWOMBLE SHITHEAD LOAD OF YOUR MOTHER'S SHITTY ballerina.

FUKKEN LULLED.

[Zupponn]

So, you're attempting to banhammer yourself off Colette?

[loafofcheese]

So, you're attempting to banhammer yourself off Colette?

He might be setting up a good way to take a break from the forums for a couple of years, like he said he would because of school or something.

[cleanupcrew]

Location: Soledad
Time: 01/05/G.R. 2015, 7:29 pm
Description: Operation Nietzsche


Dr. Miyako: Chief Scientist, it is an unexpected pleasure receiving you today.
Dr. Liang: Thank you, Dr. Miyako. I wanted to personally supervise the disposal of another so-called "god". This one's been giving us quite a few problems, you see.


Dr. Miyako: Our surveillance equipment detected a significant burst of Liang radiation groundside on planet NEU-6435-Beta in neutral space. We suspect this to be the last-known location of Quantumsurfer Colette.


Dr. Miyako: Conventional armaments failed against the anomaly, up to and including a negatively-charged strangelet planet-buster. The conversion to strange matter actually halted halfway through the explosion.
Dr. Liang: We truly are dealing with an anomaly here. How close is TRF-00411?


Dr. Miyako: TRF-00411 and TRF-14542 are 15,000 kilometers from the surface of NEU-6435-Beta and closing.


Dr. Liang: Excellent, deploy a camera drone and get a visual on the situation.

Location: NEU-6435 Star System, Neutral Space, Nehellenium Galaxy

General Axelrod: Man, I can't wait to fuck up more magical hoe ass. Sports Fan, you ready for some home runs today?
TRF-14542-1: Could you please keep it down, General Axelrod.


Shuttle Pilot: We are sighting several anomalous objects, command, do you read me?
Dr. Miyako: Command has detected a spike in Liang radiation in your immediate vicinity. Please be aware of imminent contact with anomalous threats—


Colette: Did somebody wish to see me? I think you'll relish my new toys.


Dr. Liang: There's our QED! TRFs, deploy! Don't lose visual feed of the target!


General Axelrod: Oh yeah, fucking payday. Queen whitecoat told us this one's a special magical girl, so let's do a real bang-up job fucking this ass up.
Major Sports Fan: General, shouldn't you wear a helmet or something out in space?
General Axelrod: Helmets are for pussies, real men hold their breath. No offense, Sports Fan.


Dr. Miyako: This is command, TRF-14542-2 charge up your Quantum-Tunnel Cannon. TRF-14542-1 hold back and prepare to engage the anomaly at a distance. General Axelrod,—
General Axelrod: I know what the fuck I'm doing, I've been at this shit for longer than you have.


Colette: I somehow get the feeling that you did not arrive for tea and cake. 'Tis a pity—conflict is so distasteful, but I suppose I have no choice here.


General Axelrod: Argh, the fuck, my OTC won't cut through this testicle freakshow!
TRF-14542-1: I'm pinned! 00411-2 please neutralize the target on me!
Major Sports Fan: I'm on it.


Colette: Hmmm, maybe a little chemistry lesson will make this whole ordeal somewhat educational.


Dr. Liang: Oh for Euler's sake, did you cannon fodder really fail chemistry that badly? She's combusting the methane!


Colette: Spot on, Dr. Liang! I could have sworn I made you smarter than that, though, I was expecting a quantum lecture on bond formation.
Dr. Liang: Did that bitch just question my intelligence? I'm the smartest minifig in the BrikVerse, nobody dares such a feat of impudence and lives.
Dr. Miyako: Dr. Liang, please adhere to common terminology, such as "anomaly"—
Dr. Liang: I am the one in charge here!


TRF-14542-2: We have sustained a casualty, unit TRF-14542-1 was lost in the explosion.


TRF-14542-2: The Quantum-Tunnel Cannon is charged up and ready to go. This bad boy's taken care of every other mage and anomaly it's been deployed against, I have full confidence it'll—


Colette: I'm sorry, but quantum tunneling doesn't work that way, especially not over such long, macroscopic distances.


General Axelrod: There, finally got this fucking ballsack off of me.


Major Sports Fan: Yo Axelrod, you think you can hurry up and take out that magical bitch? I'm a bit overloaded.


General Axelrod: Alright you reality-fucker, taste the OTC that ended Killestia!


General Axelrod: *oof* The fuck?


Colette: You might recognize this as a little special molecule known as benzene, a carcinogen and vital component of gasoline and napalm.


Major Sports Fan: Ah! Fuck your chemistry stuff, there's too many of them!


General Axelrod: You got any ideas in that egghead of yours, queen whitecoat?
Dr. Liang: I'll show that bitch who's the smartest minifig here. Turn your comms speaker on, I'll tell her a tricky fallacy I learned when I was 7 and see if I can distract her.


Dr. Liang: Consider the Riemann-Zeta function ζ(s) = ∑1/(n^s) from n=1 to ∞ which converges for Re(s)>1 for s∈ℂ. Then...


Short math lecture later...
Dr. Liang: ...Thusly, we obtain the functional expression ζ(s) = 2^s*π^(s-1)sin(πs/2)Γ(1-s)ζ(1-s) from analytic continuation of the original definition of ζ(s) using the reflection identity.


Dr. Liang: Thus we can conclude from the functional expression that ζ(-1) = 1+2+3+4+5+... = -1/12


Colette: That's complete bullshit! Abel's Theorem only applies when the original series converges, you can't just equate—


General Axelrod: Hoo-ha! Got you, you little math bitch.


General Axelrod: Shouldn't lose your head so easily over some dumb math!

[Kommander Ken]

Epic! But, could this be the end?

[stubby]

Consider the Riemann-Zeta function ζ(s) = ∑1/(n^s) from n=1 to ∞ which converges for Re(s)>1 for s∈ℂ. Then...

Wait, I remember this one. Did you post it here before, or am I just remembering it from BW2001?

[Tzan]

Consider the Riemann-Zeta function ζ(s) = ∑1/(n^s) from n=1 to ∞ which converges for Re(s)>1 for s∈ℂ. Then...

Wait, I remember this one. Did you post it here before, or am I just remembering it from BW2001?

Hahaha!