BjorkWars

[Natalya]

Act III




A few days after the fight with Insert_blank and Overwatch, Colette put on a lab coat, got out her favourite Appel product, and started researching.




Colette: This is so irritating. Those plebes laughed at me, they think they won a fight. Nothing even happened, they didn't accomplish anything.

[Natalya]

***Natalya joined #brickwars
Natalya: Hey Colette, what's going on?
Colette: I'm running an analysis on the fight with IB and Overwatch. I don't understand how their actions can be construed as a victory.
Colette: I intend to formulate a new strategy to be used in future confrontations with them.




Natalya: You might not be thinking about this in the right way.
Colette: In Thunderdumb it was a battle of equals, yet I posess greater intellect and scientific knowledge. I can leverage that to my advantage.

[Natalya]

Natalya: Yeah but I don't think you've figured out what victory is here.
Natalya: You pissed off Overwatch, who then decided to piss you off in retaliation.
Natalya: The first few shots were seemingly-harmless one-liners that did little to upset you because they were bland and uncreative.
Natalya: But even those did have an effect -- they got you agitated and ready to fight. That was only the beginning.
Colette: Those didn't do anything though, I've heard all that stuff before it doesn't upset me.
Natalya: Yeah but it got you into battle mode.



Colette: But I can't just ignore it. I think you know that's not exactly how the world works.
Natalya: Ordinarily you're right, aggressions must be met with a response, but this situation is a little different.
Natalya: Because you have power that Overwatch and IB don't have, power over the chat, you don't actually need to respond to them.
Natalya: The status quo is that you're already in the lead. But this is all missing the point anyway.
Colette: Which is? I don't see where you're going.
Natalya: Victory for them was to get you all booty-bothered.
Natalya: If they had linked you that song and you clicked on it absent a confrontation with them, you would have just been like, "Ow my ears what is this shit?" and turned it off and not given a crap.
Natalya: But because you were already agitated by their dumb crap from earlier, you got pretty mad at them, which is exactly what they were looking for, that was the victory condition.



Colette: What am I supposed to do then, take their abuse lying down?
Natalya: No, of course not, but try having a little thicker skin and don't let yourself be provoked so easily.
Natalya: You already have the first step, which is to be immune to little jabs at the start -- those don't really upset you.
Natalya: But the second step is to let those not bother you at all. Just act nonplussed, be like, "Oh hi guys, what's up?" Kill them with kindness really.
Natalya: Remember, you're already in power in the chat, there's nothing anyone can do about it. They can't take anything away from you.
Colette: That makes sense. The first rule of holding power is to ignore those without any.
Natalya: Damn skippy.

[Zupponn]

Wax on, wax off.

[Natalya]

About a month after the fight with Colette, Overwatch was in the chat.




***Insert_blank joined channel #Brickwars
Insert_blank: i'll tell you my ideas about dinosaurs and ninjas and wizards




Insert_blank: basically dinosaurs are the coolest ever

[Natalya]

Insert_blank: #2 is probably wizards and then ninjas
Insert_blank: i met a ninja who was like "man i wish i was back in england with my wizard friends"
Insert_blank: so it's pretty clearly wizard? ninja
Insert_blank: then i me an old woman who said dinosaurs are the coolest because even if they get old everyone still likes them
Insert_blank: so that means dinosaurs are eternally cool
Insert_blank: the end




Overwatch: cool
Overwatch: what a riveting tale
Overwatch: honestly
Insert_blank: yeah I try




Overwatch: this is it ib
Insert_blank: wait what?




Overwatch: see you around
Insert_blank: Wait where are you going?
***Overwatch left the channel




Insert_blank: Goodbye, old friend.
Insert_blank shed a single tear as he waved goodbye to Overwatch. But he couldn't reach his eye to dry it because of his massive unicorn head.

[Insert_blank]

fuck this, i'm crying

[Natalya]

Another month has passed. Overwatch's strange departure is fresh in everyone's memory, but most have given up hope. Others don't care that he's gone. Solvess, Nimja, Colette, and Insert_blank are in the chat once again.




***The Shadowscythe has joined #Brickwars
Solvess: 'sup TSS?
Insert_blank: hey shadow
The Shadowscythe: Weekend!! Time to party! Cider, whiskey, beer, all on deck
Colette: This won't end well...




The Shadowscythe: I worked my arse off all week, time to get drunk
The Shadowscythe: Let loose, have some fun




The Shadowscythe: Let's start the party!

[Natalya]

***Natalya has joined #Brickwars
Natalya: Hey everyone, what's going on?
Colette: AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Natalya: What?
Colette: MAKE IT STOP
Natalya: Make what stop?
Natalya: ???
Natalya: Oh shit.



Schoolgirl Scythe: Can a guy get a table dance?




Schoolgirl Scythe: Shake it up! Shake it up! Woo! Shake that thang

[Natalya]

Schoolgirl Scythe: I been workin' all week, for the money I got
Colette: MY EYES ARE BURNING
Colette: WHERE'S THE BLEACH



Insert_blank: Scythe, I think you killed Colette
Colette: YOU NEED TO POUR THE BLEACH ONTO MY RETINAS AND INJECT IT DIRECTLY INTO MY OCCIPITAL LOBE
Natalya: Naw, she'll be fine. Who hasn't seen drag before?
Natalya: Well, Colette is pretty sheltered...




A few minutes later...
Nimja: So Colette, you okay now?
Colette: Why of course, I don't remember a thing, I repressed that horrifying incident.
Colette: In fact, I don't even know what you're talking about anymore.
Natalya: In the end I guess it was No Pass, No Penalty.
Insert_blank: the fuck's that supposed to mean?
Natalya: Sorry, derby terminology.




And so, the chat returned to normal.

[Natalya]

***The Shadowscythe quit
Insert_blank: So I think I've almost got the next part of my Forum 14 soap figured out
Colette: I think you should go and recover The Hill from Forum 14
Colette: That's where it is, right Natalya?




Natalya: That's not what happened to king of the hill.
Insert_blank: Oh?




Colette: That's not where it is?
Natalya: No




Natalya: Something else happened to it.
Nimja: well what was it then?

[Natalya]

Natalya: Oh, I gotta go now. See you later.
***Natalya quit




Insert_blank: Well that was awkward.
Colette: She's hiding something.
Nimja: Clearly.




Colette: The only question is what?

[Insert_blank]

This is unrealistic. Colette would never sit next to nimja

[Tzan]

In virtual chat space, everyone is closest to everyone else and furthest from everyone simultaneously.

[Natalya]

The next day, Insert_blank was the only one in the chat.




Insert_blank: I tread these halls alone.
Insert_blank: I am yin without yang
Insert_blank: Light without dark
Insert_blank: Hand without glove




***Colette has joined #Brickwars
Colette: Hi IB
Colette: What's going on?
Insert_blank: oh hi Colette. I was thinking about Overwatch. it's been over a month now...