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Von Brag: Ah, Yes. Here ve are, at ze River Hicks. Zere is a long vay ahead yet.
Lord Osmond: Remind me again why we're going this way? I mean, fucking hell, it's kinda roundabout when we're trying to get to the ruins to the east, isn't?
Von Brag: Because you forgot zat ve must get ze sword of Lord Iron.

Lord Osmond: I'm drunk, can-
Von Brag: Vhat's new, Lord Ozmund?
Lord Osmond: "Dammit, let me talk! How does the ritual go, again?"

Von Brag: You don't need ze details. You vill forget zem in five minutes.
Lord Osmond: "I don't like that you're the only one who knows what we're doing."
Von Brag: "Vell, I do not feel like vasting my time when ve have far to go. Ve cross ze River Hicks and go to reclaim the sword, and perform ze ritual at ze ruins. Besides, whose fault do you zink it is that I'm ze only one who knows?"

Samuel: "Well, I have to admit, there's something fishy about this whole thing."
Von Brag: "Not you too, Samuel. Ve don't have time for zis."

Samuel: "I was more talking about the fact that the river is barely four or five feet across."
Lord Osmond: "It wasn't until the day Lord Iron tried Alkanian cooking. Took him a week to wash out the taste, from what I hear."
Samuel: "I take we'll be fasting, then."
Von Brag: "QVIET! A rider approaches."

Cerevus: "Greetings, Knights of the Rock. I have heard much of your legendary order. King James wants the stone, of course, so you cannot be allowed to continue."
Lord Osmond: "Good day to you too, cocksucker. We will continue regardless of whether you allow it or not."
Cerevus: "Ha ha, very funny. I'm running short on patience, so choose quickly."
Lord Osmond: "A warning shot, Georg."

Cerevus: "What the hell?"
Von Brag: "Vat ze hell?"

Georg: "I warned him that I don't miss."
Lord Osmond: "Yeah, this was only going to go one way."

Cerevus: "CHARGE!"





Tristain: "Samuel, get out of the way!"


Samuel: "TRISTAIN! NOOOOOOO!"

Von Brag: "TAKE ZAT, YOU BAZTERD!"

Cerevus: *grunt* "Erm...perhaps an alternative agreement can be arranged?"

Lord Osmond: "Sure. I'll arrange your bloody innards. Any last words?"
Cerevus: "Wait, no-"


Halberdier: "Ho-"

Crossbowman: "-ly"


Together: "SHIT!"


Georg: "I warned ya, you bastard!"

Later...
Lord Osmond: "He was so young. He had so much character development to live for!"
Samuel: "I'll remember his sacrifice as long as I live."
Lord Osmond: "And it will all for naught if we don't complete the ritual. Erik, you will lead the way, and you will explain the ritual on the way. If you die, the ritual goes with you. I don't like that."

Lord Osmond: "But know this, Lynburg will burn for this."

So, are the archers firing explosive arrows? Because usually one's head does not explode when an arrowhead goes through it.

But it does in this context because

I liked it.

This was awesome.

Valiant wrote:So, are the archers firing explosive arrows? Because usually one's head does not explode when an arrowhead goes through it.

There is a specific spot in a man's head, where if you shoot it, it explodes.

Silverdream wrote:This was awesome.

Valiant wrote:So, are the archers firing explosive arrows? Because usually one's head does not explode when an arrowhead goes through it.

There is a specific spot in a man's head, where if you shoot it, it explodes.

I hope nobody finds mine...

+1

Sometime later...
Lord Osmond: "Again with the strange places. Why are we stopping by some random mead hall?"
Von Brag: "Zis is not some random mead hall. Zis is ze hall of Jarl Alric, ze last man to know vere ze sword of Lord Iron was.
Lord Osmond: "Bloody pain in the arse is what it is. OI, YOU THERE! FUCKFACE! LET US IN."

"Oi, you there! Go boil your arse, and get out of my sight. We don't have time for obnoxious Lynburg scum like you."

Von Brag: "Please, allow me. I know zis man."

Von Brag: "Olaf, you vill let my friends and I in or I'll tell the Jarl zat you told me to 'boil my arse.' You know zat he vill not look kindly on zat."



Lord Osmund: "Bah, your way's no fun."
Von Brag: "Vell, your way doesn't get ze results."
Samuel: "We're in, can we argue about this-"
Lord Osmond: "Shut up, Samuel! No one fucking asked you."

Lord Osmond: "Right. You there, may we-"
Guard: "Only friends of the Jarl may enter his golden mead hall."

Lord Osmond: "Only friends o the jarl, eh? What about friends of the guards?"
Guard: "Doesn't matter. I don't know you, and I don't like you."
Lord Osmond: "Oh, but you see, it's not me you're about to be acquainted with..."


Lord Osmond: "It's my axe."
Von Brag: "Oh, surely zat was unecessary."
Lord Osmond: "I got results, didn't I? You're buying the next round of drinks."
Von Brag: "We did not make a-"

Guard: "Trespasser!"

Jarl Alric: "Hold. You there, you have a lot of nerve breaking in my doors like that, not to mention decapitating my guardsman."
Lord Osmond: "I gave him a heads up."
Jarl Alric: "Very funny. You best have a damn good reason if you don't want to meet the headsman's own axe in short order."

Von Brag: : "Actually, ve do."

Jarl Alric: Is that...Erik? Ha ha ha, it's been a long time, my boy!"

Von Brag: "Unkle, it has been far too long. How is Geir-"
Lord Osmond: "Shut it, Von Brag. We're not here for your family reunion."

Jarl Alric: "Is that so. You must be the leader of the Knights of the Rock."
Lord Osmond: "At your service. Except not really. We're not a bunch of fucking hirelings."
Jarl Alric: "Some of my best friends are hirelings."
Lord Osmond: "Really?"
Jarl Alric: "No, but I don't like you."
Von Brag: "No one else does, either."

Lord Osmond: *Cough* "Tell him why we're here, Von Brag."
Von Brag: "Unkle, ven I vas young, before I became who I am, you told me ze story of the Ragnareck. Ze boat zat crashed ven it vas carrying ze sword of Lord Iron. I vant to know vere zat ship is."

Jarl Alric: "You speak of dangerous things. I don't know for sure where it is, but I can point you in the right direction. Journey north for three days, then cast off due east. You may find the island a ways offshore, somewhere. But be warned, the ship is cursed. "

Lord Osmond: "Yeah, yeah, souls of the damned, blah blah blah. Utter nonsense."
Jarl Alric: "It's your funeral. If you succeed, you have my respect."
Lord Osmond: "That's what we came for. Let's go, Von Brag."

Lord Osmond: "Oh, and one more thing..."

Lord Osmond: "Judgement day is coming."

Samuel: "Say, now that I think of it, where did Shadow go?"
Lord Osmond: "God damn it, has he run off again? Fucker always does what he wants."
Samuel: "Isn't he one of you?"
Georg: "Shadow does that sometimes. Von Brag always seems to know about it, and no one else does."
Von Brag: "I can assure you zat he vill be zere, vaiting for us."

Lord Osmond: "Well, we're already down one man. I can't afford to be down two. After all, we've already been tracked down once."

"You never know when it'll happen again."

Best part, so far.