Compromise With Sin
Posted: Sun Aug 12, 2018 9:16 pm
Moonhattan, planet New York, United Systems Alliance“And after these things I saw another angel come down from heaven, having great power; and the earth was lightened with his glory.
And he cried mightily with a strong voice, saying, Babylon the great is fallen, is fallen, and is become the habitation of devils, and the hold of every foul spirit, and a cage of every unclean and hateful bird.
For all nations have drunk of the wine of the wrath of her fornication, and the kings of the earth have committed fornication with her, and the merchants of the earth are waxed rich through the abundance of her delicacies.”
Dr. Irene Kirisaki, CEO of Goldman Sucks: Dr. Miyauchi, a pleasure to see you.
Dr. Nanako Miyauchi, Galactic Head of Investment Banking Division: Likewise, madam CEO.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: I wish we could see each other more often. The management committee meetings aren’t frequent enough.
Dr. Miyauchi: You know what the life of an investment banker is like. Hundreds of meetings in a week, and almost never with the people I want to talk to.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: You have managing directors for that. Learn to delegate to your colleagues, or I’m putting that on your annual review.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki accompanies the comment with a chuckle and a smile, which Dr. Miyauchi reciprocates.
Dr. Miyauchi: Of course. But sometimes a deal requires...a personal touch.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: Your proposal is ambitious, I can’t deny it. This could be the largest client the firm has ever served. But it’s going to be a tough sell.
Dr. Miyauchi: A tough sell to whom? Don’t you have faith in your Investment Banking Division Head?
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: Our Trattorian government won’t like it, nor will the others. The public certainly won’t like it. Our firm already suffered enough of a reputational hit, if not an economic one, during the last financial crisis. We already are called the great vampire squid on the face of the galaxy - what will we do when we actually become one?
Dr. Miyauchi: Madam CEO, we are the bank for billionaires. We do not touch the commoners at all in any of our businesses.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: Commoners vote. In some extreme cases, they revolt.
Dr. Miyauchi: We have former Partners and employees at the heads of more G20 star nations’ finance ministries than not. For what do you concern yourself so?
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: Dr. Miyauchi, on balance, I find your proposal profitable. I placed my faith in you when I named you IB division head. But I started at this firm as a trader - a steward of risk - and I wanted to make sure your ambitions have not blinded you to the risks of this venture. Because it is a risky venture.
Dr. Miyauchi: Of course, madam CEO. Everything I do is for the good of the firm.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: Very well then, bring them in.
Dr. Miyauchi: Lord Mammon, we’re ready to see you now.
Dr. Miyauchi: Show off.
Lord Mammon, BrikHell Daemon: I AM LORD MAMMON, SERVANT OF MOLOCH, PRINCE OF GREED. KNEEL BEFORE THE DAEMON LEGIONS OF BRIKHELL!
Dr. Miyauchi: We are the bank that rules the galaxy. Kings and emperors kneel before us, and we will do no such thing.
Lord Mammon: SPUNK. I LIKE IT. ANYWAY, HELLS FARGO GOT IN TROUBLE WITH THE USA FEDERAL RESERVE FOR DAMNING THEIR CUSTOMERS' SOULS WITHOUT THEIR KNOWLEDGE. SO WE ARE LOOKING INTO A NEW INVESTMENT BANK FOR OUR FINANCIAL NEEDS.
Dr. Miyauchi: Goldman Sucks would be more than happy to welcome BrikHell as a valued client.
Lord Mammon: WE NEED FINANCING TO ARM DAEMONS AND RUN TORTURE OPERATIONS. WE NEED ACCESS TO CAPITAL MARKETS, PARTICULARLY A SOUL TRADING DESK, TO GET BONDS FOR SOUL TRADING AND SOUL DAMNATION SWAPS. SOUL TRADING IS A DANGEROUS BUSINESS, THERE ARE A LOT OF MINIFIGS AND NON-MINIFIGS INTERESTED IN THEM, SO YOU WILL NEED A PRIVATE SECURITY FORCE. ALSO, WE HEARD YOUR INVESTMENT BANKERS ARE SADISTIC BASTARDS BUT ALSO INNOVATIVE AND ENTREPRENEURIAL. IF YOUR PEOPLE PROVIDE TORTURE CONSULTING, WE WILL PAY EXTRA FOR THOSE SERVICES.
Dr. Miyauchi: We are of course the firm best equipped for your bespoke needs. All we ask is a very reasonable, industry-standard 4% fee on all transactions, and also an exemption from damnation for the souls of all of the firm's Partners.
Lord Mammon: I WILL HAVE TO CHECK WITH DAEMON-PRINCE MOLOCH ON THAT SECOND ONE. YOU MIGHT HAVE TO SACRIFICE SOMETHING DEAR TO YOU IN EXCHANGE FOR HIM TO SIGN OFF ON IT.
Dr. Miyauchi: It's ok, you can have our current interns if you need something.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: I'll let Dr. Miyauchi do most of the talking, but I'm glad we could come to an understanding. I look forward to future discussions with Prince Moloch.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: I speak on behalf of the firm when I say that I hope this new client relationship will mutually benefit both of us, the firm and BrikHell. Because when our clients win, we win.
Lord Mammon: YES. THE DEAD WILL RISE, MOTHERS WILL CRY FOR THEIR CHILDREN, THE STREETS WILL RUN RED WITH THE BLOOD OF SAINTS. THE WAILS OF THE ETERNALLY DAMNED SHALL DEAFEN THE HANDFUL WHO SHALL REMAIN AND RING ACROSS THE STARS AS A TESTAMENT TO FUTURE GENERATIONS.
CEO Dr. Kirisaki: Um, ok. Our clients' interests always, um, come first.