When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

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When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by RunsWithLegos » Wed May 06, 2020 1:42 pm

(Howdy folks, This soap was a long time coming, and I was a bit of a fool for trying to write a soap mid forum battle, But i've finally started it, and we can get on with it all.)


Warning; very grim.
<<>>

INTERMISSION SOAP FOR SMASH AND GRAB, THE FORUM BATTLE:
top thread:
https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=362024
Where this Intermission goes in the reading of the battle:
https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... 2&p=362221
Some context for who the Coalition is, and the setitng of AJAX-4:
https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=17972

<<>>

LOCATION: Capital Forest, The Green house, The Octagon Office.
TIME: Unknown, Presumed Parrallel to the innitiation of hostilities at the Jewel store in the Stony Wheaty suburb of Apocobrik City.

Soft Sunlight rests on the leaves of the Capitol forest today. The air is still, sluggish, unmoving, thick with stagnant potential. the forest seems trapped in amber.

In the lee of a great square trunk of a Couch Tree the office of the President of the Coalition of AJAX-4 seems to be caught in the same viscous spell. All is too quiet, even the presidential Auto Defense Turret holds its breath, foregoing the usual auto tracking of birds and shadows, it’s quad barrels cold and unused in who knows how long.

Image


Within, Oldgrowth troopers stand stock-still, their commander down the hall waiting for something. He waits for longer than one should have to. They stand to perfectly still. Things do not happen in this moment, nor the next. Things are frozen, crystallized. for all in tents and purposes; In Stasis.

Image

But Something shifts, the air takes a breath, and steps fall one after another, like tapes on a reel restarting one after another, motion returns to our story.
Last edited by RunsWithLegos on Wed May 13, 2020 6:51 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by RunsWithLegos » Wed May 06, 2020 1:42 pm

Commander Urgrok Strides into our Frame of Reference, continuing down the same hallway he had been moments ago but Crossing a threshold he was never aware of. On his heels are the two LT’s he trusts most.

He strides with a fanged grin set on his jaw, triumph filling his chest, and pride resonating into the hall about him. With each step he worked to temper himself, to let the victory he just secured in the name of the Coalition sink into his core rather than wear it on his sleeve like a younger orc would. It was unbecoming of the commander of the Green Army to be boastful with out leave, after all.

With out a word the Oldgrowth guard step aside, which was… new, considering that these men were exactly the kind of bark-stiff assholes to stop the Commander of the nation’s military to see passes and papers and confirmations of meetings planned, but Urgrok did paid it no mind, not wanting to turn down a continuation of today’s good luck.

Image

Urgrok prepares his first words to Secretary of Internal Affairs and Commander of the OldGrowth Corps, Elm Leafland, ready for the usual spare of jokes and chiding, when the jocular man simply steps up before him, a cold look under the blue visor.

Image

Leafland: “Commander Urgrok, I understand you have a debrief and a report?”


Urgrok: “I… Wha, Whazzat?”

The Orc commander stumbles for a moment, Caught flatfooted by this unexpected no-nonsens opening.

“Commander, Your report on the Raid of site Exelon.”

Image

Stunned and now fully caught off guard, Urgrok starts to lift the captured laptop, his grin slipping into a frown. He glances over to the President, aghast to find him not even facing their direction, instead seemingly engrossed in the trees outside the armored window.

“Wa’ a Minut! Wha tha Fungus is this?!”

“What is what, Urgrok, can we please jus-”

Urgrok snarls and steps back as his Lt’s shuffle confusedly near the door.

“Whaz wrong wit YOU? Wha is dis? I just BROKE themz ninny Fancypants bois over me’ Knee, Radio ahead to ‘ear youz clinkin beer cans an’ coolin me one propa, and here youz are, stiff as yer fuckin oldgrowth trunk-heads down the hall?!”

“Just turn in your report man, don’t drag this out longer than it needs to be!”

“Draggin it out? DRAGGIN IT OUT? Dis is one of my BEST raids yet! We’z grabbed up the intel, we’z grabbed up the contrabanz, we off’d plenty o Fancypants dung ‘eads, and we know who’s supplien all th-”

Image

President McBawksy “Enough.”

The president turns from the window, and gives Urgruk a firm nod, and raises a hand to cut Leafland off.

"Forgive our good Commander leafland. He’s… we’ve gotten some bad news in the time since you radioed in your victory. Now please, Toss me the laptop and we can save the full debrief after we’ve… had some time to process, Understood?”

Urgrok can’t find his tongue for a moment. Never had he heard his President speak in such a… inside voice. No, no he just spoke softly. This was out of Urgrok’s paygrade all of a sudden and the usually gungho orc didn’t know how to react.

Without a word, Urgrok hands over the laptop, and watches as the President opens it, types in a password, and starts to flip through files.

“Wa’ a minut… I was jus’ gonna tell youz tha’ we dun ‘ave tha’ password yet…

Mcbawksy pauses, as if caught with his hand down the cookie jar. “We had another team, in another location… They just sent in the password moments before you arrived.”

“But Sir, I’z hadn’t told youz tha’ I had the Laptop ye’ It wuz my lil’ suprize…

Image

The president starts to say something else, but just sighs. “And it was a surprise, Urgrok. It was a surprise.”

“Was? Yer not actin-”

“Urgrok? You are dismissed.”

The orc Commander freezes fully and struggles to contain the blossom of anger that just swelled in his chest. The sound of Teef grinding fills the room for a moment before he turns, and motions his LTs to as well. A day of victory and blood-won-glory had wilted, replaced with the most bizarre interaction with his Commander in chief he had ever had the displeasure of experiencing.

The fell mood sinks in as the three march away and Leafland slumps at the front of the Big Mahogany Desk.

Image

“Leafland?”

“Yes sir?”

“You didn’t need to do that, you know that right? We could have just played along, and this would have been much smoother.” McBawksy glances up from the computer he was rifling through, flitting through firewalls, encryption and password locks with one deft set of clicks after another. He never was a hacker before all this started, but route memorization has it's uses.

“I understand sir, and I’m sorry… i just… I'm tired, sir. I hate playing at this every time, again and again it’s the same... I wish I could go apologize.”
Last edited by RunsWithLegos on Wed May 06, 2020 3:39 pm, edited 4 times in total.

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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by RunsWithLegos » Wed May 06, 2020 1:43 pm

Mcbawksy stopped and felt his eye twitch. He could just stay quiet, could just play the script but... it had happened too many times for him to count, incrementally changing but never enough, never enough for him to Get anywhere farther with Leafland, not in this script at least.

“You know that you’re doing it too, don’t you?”

Leafland takes a step back, eyes widening “Wha-”

“You’re stuck too, Elm. we aren't together here, this is just a.. Just a tangent we share.”

“I… I don’t understand, I thought we were in this together!” Elm’s voice was calm, but edged with a quiet, bone shaking realization.

“We were, Elm. But you… you’re in it a lot less, less and less in this Frame... and when I move through other Frames? you are just like our good Commander Urgrok, stuck, stagnant, unchanging.”

As he unloads, President Mcbawksy watches leafland break a little bit, deflate as he comes to grips with the simple fact that he is just as stuck as everyone else. McBawksy glances up for a moment, down the corridor at Urgrok. His trusted commander was frozen just like he always was at the end of his time in this Frame, standing on the threshold, staring back at him with rage in his eyes unblinking. It sent him over the edge, seeing the Frame of Reference so blastedly close, so unyieldingly frozen. Here he was, trapped in this single Frame of Reference waiting on a fuckign call to end it all, and he just could not take it any more.

Image


“Yes, take it in, Elm. I’ve been trying not to let you know, trying to give you a little bit of comfort after all of this but i can’t any more! I’m alone here man! For hundreds and hundreds of days I’ve been stepping from Frame to Frame, from moment to moment, every day another battle or discussion or event, all of past present and future mixed in, every day a new shuffling of this deck of unending confusion- I don’t even know why i’m using ‘day’ here, it has no meaning!”

The President stands, almost yelling at the wilting man before him, uncaring or simply trusting that the next frame-shift would erase this all from existence for his friend.

“Do you know how many times I’ve had this moment, Elm? This… Urgrok walks away and We talk about him being trapped? At least three hundred times, man. And that’s after the thousands of the loops we had spent together, gathering infor and recounting our times in the loops between, learning more each time, trying to break out and save it all, but one day…”

His voice has fallen by now, and he took his seat, his rage bleeding away.

But one Shift or another, you got stuck as well. You started to repeat the scripts… sure it was one we had written knowingly sure it was one with wiggle room, but you were no longer an active actor, you just… you left me. Leafland.”

Image

His friend stayed silent, unable to choose between his options, apologize for getting stuck? Scream at reality? Beg his Commander in Chief to keep trying, to keep trying to break free from the stasis? Leafland found no words, and Just stayed silent, awaiting the next frame-shift to erase this all once again. He wondered how many different vignettes would McBawksy live through until he returned here.

Mcbawksy sat down, and took a deep breath, he finished his work on the laptop, tuned in to the channel that was about to be opened at a jewel shop half the world away, and started waiting for the radio message that would draw this loop to a close. He thought of fuckign around with it, but he was too tired to go off script now. He would command Tiknorg to strike at that jewel shop as he had uncountable times before, he’d tell her to get in contact with the FancyPant’s off-world, contacts again, and he’d close his eyes and not open them for at least three Frame-shifts.

Image


And so they waited, And did not notice that Urgrok hadn’t stayed frozen....

<<>>

And with that finished, we Return to the battle! Stay tuned for the exciting continuation!

Smash and Grab:
top thread: https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=362024
Where this Intermission goes in the reading of the battle:
https://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.p ... ab#p362221
Last edited by RunsWithLegos on Wed May 06, 2020 3:49 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by Infinity » Wed May 06, 2020 2:07 pm

Ooh
The most dangerous enemy you can fight is a man with nothing left to lose

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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by Spectral » Wed May 06, 2020 4:36 pm

This is pretty edgy not going to lie, fantastically well written but edgy. You do you (am in the silly brikwars camp), but this takes itself so seriously that it was almost uncomfortable for me personally to read.
Last edited by Spectral on Fri May 08, 2020 2:19 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by RunsWithLegos » Wed May 06, 2020 4:39 pm

Gonna be honest, this is my first attempt at prose writing in a while. I am happy with what I wrote, But I agree with you fully that this is... well, it was written to convey exhaustion and give Context to what is to come with McBawksy and with my Ajax setting over all.

I may give it another pass and lighten the load a bit. But I am also looking to juxtapose this intensity with some silly shit coming up.

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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by Food_Truk » Thu May 07, 2020 11:36 am

RunsWithLegos wrote:
Wed May 06, 2020 4:39 pm
Gonna be honest, this is my first attempt at prose writing in a while. I am happy with what I wrote, But I agree with you fully that this is... well, it was written to convey exhaustion and give Context to what is to come with McBawksy and with my Ajax setting over all.

I may give it another pass and lighten the load a bit. But I am also looking to juxtapose this intensity with some silly shit coming up.
It may have felt a bit word-y for my tastes at the beginning, but I really got into Urgrok's frustration at his parade being shat on. McBawksy talking about the Frame/loop thing conveyed the exhaustion from a Groundhog Day effect pretty well.
Last edited by Food_Truk on Fri May 08, 2020 1:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by RunsWithLegos » Thu May 07, 2020 9:10 pm

Thanks food truck! I'm glad those two story beats hit squarely! I am a bit overwordy, But that's just how it is some times ya know?

Don't worry too much about spectral, though it is coming off as a bit dismissive he and I spoke in PM about his critique at my request and I gained some good grip on why my writing was so jarring in the context of the sillier Brikverse. I'll be staying my course with some minor adjustments.

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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by Food_Truk » Thu May 07, 2020 11:02 pm

Don't worry about the word count, it was a good read so it's only nicer. Otherwise it becomes this quick novella that barely stays in the mind.
Last edited by Food_Truk on Fri May 08, 2020 10:38 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by stubby » Fri May 08, 2020 6:57 am

Food_Truk wrote:
Thu May 07, 2020 11:02 pm
Considering his aggressive garbage response to me through PMs, I really don't see why I should worry about an anorak like him either way. Wasn't aware puberty extended through to one's 20s these days.
All right everybody, settle down. Puberty extending into adulthood is why we're all here, and none of us still pushing minifigs around is really in a position to feel superior.

Speaking for myself, I've always thought code-switching between irreverent and maudlin makes the irreverent stuff better, so I'm happy when people try to work in angst here and there for extra seasoning.

Spectral wrote:
Wed May 06, 2020 4:36 pm
Good lord.... This is suuuuuuuuper edgy not going to lie. You do you, but this takes itself so seriously that it was almost uncomfortable.
Not BrikWars-specific, but speaking as a professional creative type in general, all my favorite stuff is stuff that takes itself so seriously that it's almost uncomfortable. When it hits, it's great, when it misses, it's tragic, but you've got to take those shots.

Making a 200-page wargame about kids' toys is a little bit about chasing that specific feeling. All you yous who are doing yous, keep on doing yous.
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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by BrickSyd » Sat May 09, 2020 10:45 am

:sbr:
I'm not a big reader but I really enjoyed this even if I'm not entirely sure what's going on since I basically missed the last 5 years. Please keep that stuff coming so I can catch up.

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Re: When stories Unthaw (smash and grab intermisison soap)

Post by Eve55 » Thu May 14, 2020 4:43 am

Food_Truk wrote:
Thu May 07, 2020 11:02 pm
Don't worry about the word count, it was a good read so it's only nicer. Otherwise it becomes this quick novella that barely stays in the mind.
I completely agree the story didn’t seem too long to me either
we enter the world alone
we leave the world alone

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