Partners in Crime

The Magic SOB forum is for posts of story sequences that are frequently vignette-based. Put those here while actual battle reports can go in Reports From the Field.
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Gorvoslov
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Posts: 141
Joined: Sat Mar 07, 2020 6:04 pm
Location: Canadian Backwater

Partners in Crime

Post by Gorvoslov » Sat Oct 16, 2021 4:10 pm

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"Ugh. This is quite the hangover..."


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"Okay. What? Jail?"


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"Hey, you, you're finally awake..."


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"DON'T EVEN THINK OF STARTING THAT WITH ME!"


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"Erm. I mean, where are we?"


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"Isn't it obvious? Jail. Didn't think they'd ever put a full-blooded orc in here. How did you even get here??"


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"Oh, yeah, ignore the other guy. Said something about them never being able to know what he found and then we got a whiff of almonds before he died. Unless of course somehow the person who was originally going to be playing the captured spy becomes available, then pretend he was never dead of course."


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"Anyways, welcome to your new home."


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*whistling*


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"Well, that's going to be paperwork..."


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"I must say, you've got the most impressive rap-sheet I've ever read."
"I didn't do any of it."
"Eh, not sure that matters with what you're accused of."


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"Isn't thieves guild hazing the best?"
"Oh shut up. What are you even doing down here? You're not some lowly guard."


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"No, I am not some lowly guard. So how are we feeling today? Here, have a drink."


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"Trying to poison me with coffee are you? Make me throw away what little honour you didn't take from me by somehow capturing me?"
"Ah, you must still be groggy from whatever knocked you out when we found you. It's just Earl Grey, thought you must be a fan."


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"Oops, it spilled."


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"Why are you even talking to me?"


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"I want information. I've heard alliances between some orc tribes have been becoming more common again, haven't seen that in around forty years. I'm also curious about the orc tendency to avoid coffee, yet tea is fine."


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"I don't know what you're talking about when you say alliances between tribes, and even if I did, I wouldn't tell you anything. As for the coffee, it's a curse. Sure, it makes us into unstoppable warriors, but it also costs us our minds."


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"But you already knew that. I know who you are. You killed Chief Mountain Hurler. You're a legend amongst orcs. Why are you even asking me this?"
"I wanted to inform you that Chief Mountain Hurler is not the most recent Orc Chief I've slain. I wanted you to know Chief Bolzolog died bravely, with proper honour."


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"RAAAUGH! YOU JUST WANT TO TAUNT ME?"


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*cough* "What was in that drink?"


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"I don't know, but it appeared you'd been poisoned by your Shaman. Ironically, it saved you from the fate of the rest of your tribe. Technically, that makes you the chief now does it not?"


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"Oh yes, look at me, surveying my horde. Why, my lands stretch almost as far as my arms. Now, if you're done taunting me, I'm tired."


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"Well, you've taken that well Chief Boris. Here, proper orc bread. You'll need your strength for your trial at ten in the morning, and even more for your execution at noon. The cooks absolutely hated the fact that I was preparing this in their kitchen. Not often I pull rank to do something. Solid stuff, could probably club a man to death with it."
"I don't need your charity orc slayer."


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"I hope our next meeting is more cheerful."


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"That went well. Are you normally this polite? At least you're a Chief, even if you're apparently dead tomorrow."


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"In all fairness to the old man, he actually does know how to make orc bread. Got the exact right type of wood even. Something's a little to hard though..."


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"Just work it's way out..."


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"A... lockpick? Is he trying to frame me? Get me out of here? I don't know."


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"But, if my options are to die breaking out or at the hangman's noose, might as well... how do I do this again, oh come on, almost there... I think... nope, gah. Okay, seriously, how does this work??"
"Try applying clockwise tension on the lock, you're going counter-clockwise. Then start at the front and there's six pins in these locks you need to lift one by one."


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*click*


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"Where are you going? If you try to break out alone you have no chance of making it. We're pretty deep in here, I kept track of how far we went while I was blindfolded, and it's a trek to get out."


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"Fine, but you're picking the lock know-it-all."


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"Gladly, it really helps to know what you're doing."


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"What about you? Sounds like you're doomed as well. Want a slim chance at survival?"
"Sure. They've been rounding up half-orcs a lot lately, apparently I've been busy committing a bunch of other crimes, so what's a bit of breaking out of jail on top of it all?"


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"Alright. Let's get out of here."

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