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Maverick’s stupid pirate brikwars parody

Prologue
Once upon a time- Wait, I am writing in Calibri. Calibri is so dull. Once upon a time- Ah, much better. Once upon a time (it really was not that long ago (correction: it was not relatively long ago)) Once upon a time not relatively long ago, not recently either (again, relatively), there was a planet. It was far away; then again close, but also far. It was a primitive planet, full of idiots and others. The planet was covered in water, and the water came from a chemical reaction between hydrog- Actually, where the water is from is not important. But the planet was covered in water, and so the inhabiting idiots (and others) were forced to travel by means of… Water travel? So they travelled by ship and boat and undead oceanic dinosaurs. At some point, they decided that breaking each other’s ships, boats and oceanic dinosaurs was hilarious. And so began the great feud over whose ship had the most cannons and such. There were many contestant in said battles. Examples follow: Von Silbertraum of the proud ship Bavar, Colette the hermaphrodite, captain of the scientifically advanced Trattoria Pizza Steamboat and many others such as Piltogg, Natalya the tremendously powerful, Shadowyscythe, Scratch, Vami II, Blokguy Sixflaps and Kommander of Ken. These names were only a few of the actual people participating in said battle for coolness.

AN: Apparently, the forum doesn't give a shit about what fonts I use.

Maverick wrote: Once upon a time- Wait, I am writing in Calibri. Calibri is so dull. Once upon a time- Ah, much better.

AN: Apparently, the forum doesn't give a shit about what fonts I use.

Which is why that first line is hilarious.

Chapter 1
0,03 Kilometers west of the international date line (the Imperial one), 0,7 kilometers east of the not-so-international date line, and 3000 kilometers west of the Germanic dateline, lies a city. Cities are created quite unwillingly. They all start with a boat/ship/dinosaur lying still in the water. Then maybe another vessel is parked beside it, usually latched with ropes. Then another, and another, and soon, the original ship cannot get out, as it is flanked by boats/ships/dinosaurs. Usually the captain of the original ship ends up starting some sort of store, since his ship is no longer able to sail. The word “City” is derived drom a phoneticalization of “sitting”. Anyways, said city relatively far and close to the date line, was called New Okry, as Okry was the name of the original boat. The captain of said boat had later become a tinker, and according to one of the two legends, one should never refuse a deal with a tinker. The other legend states that the first legend was simply a ploy made by the tinkering union to get money.

The tinker was going through his inventory. He had many things, from knives and lamps, to magic Pizza toppings and old people. No living soul knew the tinkers name, so he was known as the Overwatch. He referred to himself as “elite”, but everyone knew he sucked at overwatching. The Overwatch’s hand grasped a certain object. It was a long smooth pole, rounded in the top, and in the bottom, it had two round orbs. It was a Sorcerers staff, and the Overwatch was simply holding it inverted because he was an idiot.
The door to the Overwatch’s shop opened. In strode a tall, slender being. The Overwatched glanced in the doors direction. And soon, he saw that the person was not male, nor female. It was Colette, the hermaphrodite.
Colette spoke, in an intelligent accent: “Ah, the Overwatch. I have arrived because I needed to see if you had gotten a new Pizza topping?”

And the Overwatch said, with a voice like person who spends several hours a day screaming at seagulls: “I have, it came to may from a wee Imperial lad. It cameth from those Imperialists up north. Those shiteposters, have nay brains, but they know how to make Pizza topping.”

“You hypocrite. You yourself used to be a Shiteposter before your ship got Cityed. I have even heard rumors of you being a high-ranking imperial git.”

The Overwatch picks up a gun from the table and points it at the posh scientist.

“You will regret your words. This gun is loaded with magic.”

[]

Colette wrote:Why is Colette a hermaphrodite? I'd think Colette would have no sexual organs versus twice the amount.

I decided I'd be nice. Also, my decision was based on the fact that you are male, whereas a major sigfig of yours is female.

Maverick wrote:New Okry

Nice.

Silverdream wrote:

Maverick wrote:New Okry

Nice.

I forgot what it was. It just popped into my head.

Silverdream wrote:http://www.brikwars.com/forums/viewtopi ... 64#p276006

Ah. I'm making myself laugh now.

this is canon

Overwatch_Elite wrote:this is canon

Thanks
It should be

We need morepirate themed battles, Maybe it could be a new medivo style planet: Pirato. Or something