[BF16] The Infringement of Sullis 3

BrikWars fiction in long-prose form. Trigger warning: Walls of text

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[BF16] The Infringement of Sullis 3

Post by stubby » Fri Dec 16, 2016 5:49 pm

"There's One Truth™ in the BrikVerse™!"

The Sergeant™'s voice amplifier crackled over the roaring Engines™. Behind him, the ubiquitous Unit Inch™ symbol was emblazoned ten feet tall on the DumpShip™ wall, the proud crest and price tag of the ÜltraMaroon™ soldier.

"We're stuck here forever!"

The fighting minifigs of the Color Guard™ shouted it as one - the unofficial credo of the ÜltraMarooned™. The words were both a commentary on and a violation of their official corporate Credo™, which started with "The Trademarks and Intellectual Property of Grimdark™ / WorstSchlock™ shall not be infringed" and continued for hundreds of pages of Extra-Fine Print™.

Using those pages in place of G/W-issue PoopShoot™ Toilet Paper™ was absolutely illegal, punishable by Compassionate Re-Education™ Firing Squad™ execution, followed by immediate sale to a Display Army™ collector upon revival. Even among the already ÜltraMarooned, this was an especially grimdark punishment; in the forgotten corners of the BrikVerse dwelled gutless dilettantes who only purchased ÜltraMaroons to paint and display, doomed to never again see a single combat or Assault Marketing™ mission.

Lorbaatus had narrowly escaped this fate, thanks to a convenient evidence-destroying latrine explosion that may or may not have been helped along by a G/W-issue ChunkBlow™ Latrine Grenade™. He and the rest of the Color Guard™ remained among the lucky few still sent to front-line combat. Sanctioned military conflicts had been on the decline since the Grimdark partners had trademarked Warfare™ itself in the dissolution of the Grimdark & Edgelord legal firm. Edgelord’s expertise in strangling enemies in contractual red tape had provided no defense against Grimdark’s surprise alliance with the Cloan forces of Worst-Schlock. In the new Grimdark future, there was only militarized trademark enforcement, and the Color Guard was their front line of offense.

Somewhere below their descending vessel, the farming world of Sullis 3 was rushing upwards to meet them, waking up to the light of a teal and lavender sunrise. It orbited one of the blue dwarf stars Lorbaatus had seen so many of on previous Color Guard missions. Under those long wavelengths, a normal red element could look dangerously close to Maroon™ - maybe close enough to constitute infringement, maybe not. There was only one way to be safe.

Lorbaatus checked the fuel reserves on his Cleansing Flame™ PlasmaSprayer™, and set his AdBurst™ Flak Launcher™ for maximum dispersal. Special coupons and Grimdark/WorstSchlock marketing blurbs would rain over the burning husk of Sullis 3 for weeks to come, all geared to increase future sales of pre-packed ÜltraMaroon legions to parties seeking revenge for the massacre they were about to inflict. Naturally, G/W would change the specifications of the ÜltraMaroon soldiers as soon as the money changed hands, nerfing the delivered forces to uselessness. Everyone knew this, and everyone bought them anyway; they had no other options thanks to the G/W Trademark Monopoly™.

A single alarm klaxon sounded, and the DumpShip braked abruptly and flipped upside down, raining heavily-armed ÜltraMaroons onto the unsuspecting populace. As Lorbaatus hit the packed-dirt street, he could make out the scattered roofs of simple ghoirboy barns above the screaming farmers and aerial advertisement bursts. If he tilted his head right, the red paint really did look maroon. Sort of. He primed his plasma spray for maximum suffering.

He was stopped short by two taps on his Ludicrously Oversized™ shoulder pauldron. “Unit Inch Lorbaatus! Would you like to explain your non-standard butt decoration?”

Lorbaatus followed the direction of the Sergeant’s gaze. Sticking out of the back of his armored pants, unmistakable even in Extra-Fine Print™, were pages 43 and 44.
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Re: [BF16] The Infringement of Sullis 3

Post by Tzan » Fri Dec 16, 2016 6:00 pm

Perfect :D

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Re: [BF16] The Infringement of Sullis 3

Post by Duerer » Mon Jan 02, 2017 2:16 am

Concept and Theme: 7/10
Form: 8/10
Voice: 7/10
Style: 16/20

Total: 38/50
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Re: [BF16] The Infringement of Sullis 3

Post by Vami IV » Tue Jan 03, 2017 6:30 am

Concept and Theme: 6/10
Form: 6/10
Voice: 5/10
Style: 18/20

Total: 35/50
Last edited by Vami IV on Thu Jan 05, 2017 9:34 am, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: [BF16] The Infringement of Sullis 3

Post by Scratch » Tue Jan 03, 2017 2:06 pm

Concept and Theme -- 8
Form -- 8
Voice -- 8
Style -- 16
total 40
The only unflawed system is Lego System.
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All you have to do is flatten his head.
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