[BF20] Hell Raiser

BrikWars fiction in long-prose form. Trigger warning: Walls of text

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Venge
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[BF20] Hell Raiser

Post by Venge » Wed Dec 30, 2020 4:49 pm

Author's Note: This was originally planned as a Magic Soap Opera, but since I am equal parts busy and lazy, and Quantum is kind enough to host this contest for us every year, I decided to make it a BrikFic instead. Credit to the framing device of the plot goes to Duerer. This story serves as an introduction for my sigfig into the greater Brikverse at large, and I've had it planned for quite some time now. I hope you all enjoy it!

The creeping silence of the forest at midnight was shattered by the deafening roar of the Space Piltogg dropship's sudden descent into the clearing hidden deep within the heart of the tangled forest. The inky blackness of the night was suddenly ripped asunder by the haunting brilliance of the dropship's searchlights, piercing the night light like burning lances. Slowly, the hulking steel ship descended below the treeline, before touching down on the soft bed of moss and vines that covered the clearing.

Slowly, the dull grey doors of the dropship slid silently open, and from the depths of the ship emerged a sinister cloaked figure clad all in black, save for the evil red armband he wore. He was followed by a dozen other black-clad figures, all dressed in military uniform, and all wearing the same evil armband. With measured precision, they stepped out of the dropship and onto the mossy ground of the clearing, the cold night air seeming to grow still in the evil of their presence. Each man except the cloaked one carried a curious weapon, resembling a shortened version of a rocket launcher, but with no visible armmunition. At their sides hung the stanard SMP 40 of their kind, but it was the curious tubular weapons that they held at the ready.

Across the mossy ground the cloaked figure and his retinue strode, towards the center of the clearing, where an altar of stone blacker than the night stood. The altar stood as though it had been there since the dawn of time, an ancient thing carved of a curious black stone that seemed to catch and capture any light that came near it, as though it had been used for such evil deeds that even the very touch of light was hateful to it.

As the figures drew near the altar, the cloaked one—with the air of a man used to command—turned to the man next to him, a hulking behemoth of a Piltogg with close cut dark hair and a chiseled jawline, and thrust out his hand. The larger man held out a black briefcase he had been holding, and the cloaked man gingerly took it from him, and placed it upon the altar. Opening the clasp of the briefcase, he opened the lid, and revealed the interior to the night air.

Within the briefcase sat a curious device, a six-sided puzzle box of shining silver, that glowed from within with an evil red glow that lit the faces of the men around it like a dull daemonic flame.

The cloaked figure reached out a gloved hand for the device, and picking it up gently but firmly, placed it upon the black altar, and began to fiddle with it. He turned a piece here, twisted a piece there, until finally, the device made a solid *click* and began to emit a deep and sinister hum.

Stepping back quickly, the cloaked figure gestured for his men to back away from the device, and they began to retreat from the menacing hum that pierced the silence of the night. They continued backwards until they formed a semicircle in front of the altar, where they stood as still as the trees that surronded them. At a signal from their cloaked leader, they raised their curious weapons, and pointed them towards the altar. Every man kept his trained on the humming device, and his finger trained on the trigger of his weapon.

After a few seconds, the deep humming noise became louder and rougher, and louder and rougher still, until it resounded through the air like the sound of an idling tank engine. Then, suddenly, it died entirely, and for a second, there was utter silence.

Then, with a loud *bang*, twin shafts of flame shot upwards from the device, and began to turn and twist and dance in the air like serpents, before they slowly beginning to seperate from each other, as each shaft of flame began to lean towards one side of the altar, until they formed a "V" shape in the air above the altar. Then the upper ends of the flaming shafts began to lean inwards, first forming a "U", and then, finally, the shape of an "O". Within the shape of the "O", the air began to glow yellow, then orange, then red, until finally it shone with the same violent bright red glow of the device that had spawned it. The red circle of light shone down on the faces of the evil men before it, bright enough to cause them to squint, but no man dared to take his eyes off the sinister sight before him.

Suddenly, from within the circle of light, spoke a deep and booming voice, that spoke with a tone of ancient power: "Who dares to call upon the powers of BrikHell?"

The cloaked figure stepped forward and spoke for the first time that night. "I, Bösermann von Scheiße of the Fourth Reich, call upon the powers of BrikHell to send me a champion for my cause."

The voice from within the circle spoke again in its booming voice, this time tinged with an air of humor. "Pathetic mortal, I know well of your cause. Be careful what you wish for, for I'll send you a champion if you wish it."

Von Scheiße spoke again. "Send me a champion."

The booming voice laughed, a sound that sent chills down the spine of every man present in the clearing. "As you wish."

Then from the glowing circle of light emerged the fearsome figure of a hulking warrior. He was clad in scarred and pitted black armor, with the symbol of Blacktron in the center of his chest. Black were his gloves and black was his visor, but his muscular arms were laid bare, and the oxygen tanks and rebreather that he wore were clearly the relic of a past life. For his raised visor showed a face that was more daemon than man, with glowing red eyes and a daemonic grin that showed teeth far larger and sharper than any man's. He stood on the black altar and surveyed the men assembled before him—seemingly unconcerned about the myriad of curious weapons pointed at him—before fixing his gaze on Von Scheiße, their obvious leader.

ImageThe Vengeful One by Vengeful One, on Flickr

Von Scheiße addressed the man in a thin, curt voice. "You will serve as our champion?"

The stranger grinned, an unsettling sight considering his near-daemonic visage. "Not exactly." With a flick of his wrist, a massive yellow nova sword sprang to life in his hand.

Before he could step off the altar, the nearest four Space Nazis pulled the trigger on their mysterious weapons. Glowing chains of red light tore through the air, wrapping themselves around the strange warrior's limbs, knocking his nova sword from his hand and binding his arms and legs. As one, the four Nazis stepped back and adjusted their weapons, pulling taut the glowing chains so that the strange warrior could not move his limbs in any direction.

A thin, wicked grin stretched across Von Scheiße's face. "You mistoke my tone. That wasn't a question, it was a command. Only a fool calls upon the daemonic powers without a backup plan. Those chains that bind you are enchanted with the daemonic magic of your kind, made specifically to bind and hold fast even the strongest daemon, sapping their strength and using it to charge the weapon further. The more you resist, the stronger the chains will grow."

The stranger cocked his head curiously at Von Scheiße, and laughed, in a voice both hearty and raspy. "You've come prepared, I'll admit that. Unfortunately for you, I'm only a half-daemon, and I got the best of both sides."

As the smile quickly faded from Von Scheiße's face, the stranger suddenly jerked his right arm forward, sending the Piltogg at the other end stumbling just enough to loosen the slack in his chain. Quickly freeing his arm and reclaiming his nova sword, the stranger cut through the other chains that bound his limbs, and stepped free of their glowing entanglement, moving faster than any of the Nazis in the clearing could react.

A second after he was free, the remaining Nazis in the clearing opened fire with their weapons, glowing chains flying at the stranger from every direction. Gritting his teeth, the stranger twirled his nova sword, easily batting aside the glowing chains. Yet he allowed one of them to fly past the spinning yellow of his blade and wrap around his left arm, seeming not to be bothered by it. A second later he tugged sharply at the chain, sending the Piltogg on the other end stumbling towards him. Quicker than any mortal man, the stranger dashed foward and cleaved the man clearly in half with a single clean swipe of his nova sword.

Sensing the futilty of their actions, the remaining Space Nazis dropped their daemonic chain cannons and switched to their SMP 40 laser SMGs. The hail of laser fire seemed to bother the strange warrior no more than a light mist, and he continued to advance towards Von Scheiße—glowing blade atwirl—even as the other Space Nazis moved to encircle him.

The Space Nazis fanned out around the stranger, keeping their distance, but moving slowly around his flanks, keeping up withering bursts of fire to keep him occupied. Just as it seemed that he might be surrounded by a ring of laser fire, the stranger's left hand shot out to his side, and from it errupted a burst of hellfire so hot that it melted the metal of the Nazis' guns as soon it hit them, instantly burnating three Nazis before they could move.

His left flank cleared, the stranger's arm whipped around faster than a striking snake, and a second later the four Nazis that had been circling his right flank were no more than smoking pairs of boots.

Von Scheiße and three of his remaining men began to slowly retreat, covering their rearwards movement with a blistering hail of laser fire, as even Von Scheiße used his laser pistol to keep the stranger's nova sword atwirl deflecting the red bolts that shot towards him.

The last Space Piltogg however, was apparently crazier than the rest. The hulking behemoth of a man who had held the briefcase began to advance towards the strange warrior. Ditching his inneffective SMG 40, the hulking Space Piltogg unslung a shotgun from his back and began to blast away at the fearsome warrior before him.

Deflecting every shot with his trusty nova sword, the strange warrior was to forced to slow his stride to block the scattered spray of the shotgun, and Von Scheiße and his three remaining cohorts began to widen the distance between themeselves and their daemonic foe.

Until, that is, the hulking Space Piltogg with the shotgun ran out of ammo, and with a sudden surge of explosive power, the warrior with the yellow nova sword cut him down, not even stopping to glance at the corpse.

As the strange warrior began to close the gap between himself and the remaining Nazis, Von Scheiße realized what he needed to do. Ordering his men to reach the dropship and carry word to the der Space Führer about what had happened, Von Scheiße dropped his pistol and drew a slender red beamsaber, then braced himself for the onslaught of the strange warrior.

Only a second later, his foe was upon him, thick yellow nova sword clashing against thin red beamsaber, a deadly dance back and forth across the mossy ground. Von Scheiße was no slouch in dueling, but he had never fought a foe with such raw power as this before, and he soon found himself giving ground with every blow stuck by his fearsome foe. As they dueled, Von Scheiße snarled at his foe. "Who are you anyway, strange warrior?"

The warrior laughed and struck a hard downwards strike against Von Scheiße's blade. "I'm the hand of God." He twisted his blade and knocked Von Scheiße's own aside. "I'm the dark messiah." He ran Von Scheiße clear through the heart with his blade, and whispered in the ear of his dying foe. "I'm The Vengeful One."

As Von Scheiße's limp corpse tumbled off his blade onto the grass, The Vengeful One heard the dropship's engines roar to life, and saw the piercing lights of its searchlights cut through the darkness of the night. The ship lifted up over the treeline and took off at great speed, but it bothered The Vengeful One naught. Reaching down to retrieve the blade of his fallen foe, he clipped the beamsaber onto his belt, and turned off his nova sword before placing it on his belt as well.

He had fallen gloriously in battle long ago, and had fought his way out of Hell itself, slaying so many daemons that the Devil himself had begged to be rid of him. So much daemonic blood had been splattered on him that he was half a demon himself now. None of that concerned him now though, he had been away for so long . . . who knows what events had shaped the BrikVerse in his absence. He was eager to find out, and to find further worthy foes to fight, further battles to partake in. It was a big universe after all, and he was eager to cut himself a place in it.

Author's Note: That was fun to write! Only my third ever BrikFic, and I'm quite happy with how it turned out. It came out a little more edgy than I had hoped, but hopefully it isn't too unbearably "My Immortalesque."
Formerly known as TheVengefulOne. Times banned by Natalya: 10 (+ 1 alt).

My BrikWars Stuff: http://brikwars.com/forums/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=16684

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Re: [BF20] Hell Raiser

Post by Bragallot » Thu Jan 07, 2021 12:18 pm

:sparta:
Fantasy battles - Scifi battles
Kommander Ken wrote:
Mon Dec 28, 2020 9:04 pm
Wtf is this thread?

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Re: [BF20] Hell Raiser

Post by Gorvoslov » Sat Jan 09, 2021 5:14 pm

Hell Raiser
Concept and Theme: 6 - I'm docking on "Why it deserves to be told". Resurrection of a major character? Great. I'm just not a fan of space nazis existing, even if it's only to be slaughtered mercilessly.
Form: 8 - Overall well formed.
Voice: 9 - It's pretty
Style: 18 - Overall pretty good. Cerebral engagement is decent.
Presentation: 10 - Not seeing any apparent issues.

Total: 41
Total (Tiebreaker): 51

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Venge
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Re: [BF20] Hell Raiser

Post by Venge » Sun Jan 10, 2021 2:21 pm

Gorvoslov wrote:
Sat Jan 09, 2021 5:14 pm
I'm just not a fan of space nazis existing, even if it's only to be slaughtered mercilessly.
Gotcha. I thought about changing it, but the "messing around with occult shit and having it blow up it your face" just seemed to work better with the Space Nazis. Hopefully I made it clear that they fully deserved what they got and I don't sympathize with them at all. I'm trying to move away from them in the future however. I've got a bunch of Space Nazis figs built, but I'm gonna convert as many as I can to be troops of The Inquistadorial Monarchy instead.
Formerly known as TheVengefulOne. Times banned by Natalya: 10 (+ 1 alt).

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Re: [BF20] Hell Raiser

Post by SirZaphod » Wed Jan 20, 2021 1:32 am

Concepts and theme: 8 The old story stand by, kill’en Piltogg. Brings to mind Hellboy and Doom.

Form: 9 Easy and straightforward to follow.

Voice: 8 I like that you threw in a few BW vernaculars but would have liked to see more.

Style: 16 Solid written felt a little long winded at the start, it was not immediately apparent that the Piltogg were the bad guys until a ways in to the story.

Total: 41
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Presentation: 10 Nothing I could see wrong.
51

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Re: [BF20] Hell Raiser

Post by RedRover » Sun Feb 21, 2021 8:18 pm

Concept and Theme -- 8
I'm always down for Space Nutzees getting slaughtered, and the incorporation of some old lore here is great too

Form -- 9
Story flowed well, easy to follow and red like a book.

Voice -- 8
I felt like it is a good backstory for your sigfig and using Piltogg for occult shit makes sense but also allowed you to show the Vengful one is more than a dirty daemon

Style -- 16
I felt like the begining my mysterious and ominous, not quite sure what was going to happen, then the Vengful one killed all the Nutzees and I really enjoyed that part.

Presentation (tie breaker) -- 9
No huge issues here

Total -- 43 + 9 for tiebreaker

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