Anal Disruptors

[Theblackdog]

I was wondering if Silva or anyone else had an idea for how to stat the anal disruptors used by particularly troll-ish quantum surfers.

My idea, if no one else has one: Anal disruptors are only effective against living targets. You roll skill to hit like any other weapon, but instead of damage you roll 1D6 and consult the Anal Disruption table:

1- The target actually likes being anally disrupted. You don't want to think about why. Regardless, the target gets a Benny.
2-The target farts a cloud of noxious gas. All minifigs within 2", regardless of their allegiance, must attack the target on their next turn in retribution. In addition, the gas cloud acts as a Poison field hazard that does 1D6 damage and dissipates after 1 round.
3- Methane in the target's colon ignites, setting it on Fire and dealing 2D4 fire damage.
4-The target shits a brick. Place a brown 2X2 on the field just behind the target, and the victim takes 2D6 damage from the brick forcing its way out of their anus. The next minifig or other life-form to come into contact with the brick takes 1D6 poison damage.
5-The target's anus expels its contents violently in a fingercone arc facing behind them. The target takes 3D6 damage and everything in the finger cone arc takes 2D6 damage.
6- The attacking player decides the effect.

[IVhorseman]

I say on a one, the target likes it and gets a benny.

[Theblackdog]

OK, that is better than my idea.

Also, I take a perverse sort of pride in the fact that we're now the first tabletop game since FATAL to have an Anal Disruption table.

[The Shadowscythe]

Personally, I don't think we've gone far enough until I have to roll for nipple circumference and vaginal depth.

[Theblackdog]

I dunno if my Lord Shadowscythe minifig is still around, but if he is I'll have to work up a "skull notebook circumference" mechanic for him.