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How do these make cellphone jam?

Red_SPAMbot's Seasonal Cellphone Jam
What you will need:
About six cellular phones, ripe and in season. I prefer smartphones, but flip phones will work fine if that's all you can find.
8 tablespoons Pectin
4 cups granulated sugar
1/4 cup Lemon Juice or Apple Cider Vinegar

one 4 Gallon Pot
one Canning Pot
Jar Funnel
assorted mason jars, lids, and rings
assorted large spoons and ladels
Jar Grabber

The first step is you have to break up your cellphones. You can't just make jam out of whole pones. I usually place my phones in double bagged gallon ziploc bag, then seal them and take a ballpeen hammer to them. I've heard people swear by a plastic shredder, but in my opinion that's a lot of extra work when plastic bags and a hammer work just fine. But hey, you do what you like. Your results may vary.

Now add your processed cellphones and pectin to a large pot and bring to a boil, stirring often. Depending on your brand of cellphone, you might find you need to add a little more liquid. I usually add a little apple juice and some fresh ground ginger, but no more than a half cup of liquid, or your jam will be too runny.

Bring your mixture to a boil, then add your sugar and acid, stirring often, and bring the mixture back up to a hard boil. Using a ladle or spoon, skim the foam off the top. This is mostly going to be melted lightweight plastics and industrial solders, and you really don't want that in your jam.

While you are boiling your jam, you can be sanitizing your jars and lid in boiling water. Or if you prefer you can do that beforehand. However, sanitizing your lids to coincide with your cooking time will decrease the likelihood of contamination.

Now remove your jam from the heat, and using your funnel, fill your jars to about 1/4 from the top. Be sure to wipe the mouths of your jars clean before placing your lids and rings, or else you'll get a questionable seal. Once all your lids are tightened down, lace your jars in your canner, making sure they are covered with at least two inches of water. Boil your jars for at least five minutes, but no more than 10 minutes or you will overcook the pectin in your mixture. Using your jar grabber, pull your jars from the water and let them set out to cool overnight.

The next day, check to make sure your lids have seated properly. If they have a good seal, they are ready for the storage shelf. If you find a lid hasn't sealed properly, not all is lost! You can simply take that jar and place it in the refrigerator and eat it immediately.

It takes a little work, but with a little time and practice, you will be making homemade cellphone jam just like Auntie Nokia used to make!

lordintype wrote:How do these make cellphone jam?

The basic principle of radio jamming, is that you broadcast noise louder than the signal you intend to jam, thus making anyone tune in hear noise rather than signal.

Modern cell phones, however, are more akin to computers than analog radios. The advantage of a digital signal is that it's easier to pick out of the noise: you're looking for a high or a low, and you can simplify a range of signals you receive into probable highs and lows. Since you're only looking for a pattern, you can do this even with very weak signals- but a sufficiently strong jamming signal will still jam the cell phones. Cell phones today use a variety of digital wireless protocols. In these, interference is accomplished by fucking them up somehow.

Imagine that at all times, all cell phone towers are saying "Hello! I am here, I am the Anytown USA Verizon cell #5!" over and over and over again on a set frequency, like 1900 MHz . Your cell phone listens "searching for network", hears this message once or twice, and says to the tower it can hear the best "Hello! I am this cell phone, here is my number!". The tower might ask "Oh, what's the password for that number?" and your phone will reply. After this, the tower will tell your cell phone "OK! We will be talking using Protocol X, with these arguments. Do you support this protocol?" Your phone will say yes, the tower will say "OK!" and will do its job of transmitting whatever data it gets from the switchboard to you and whatever you send out, to the switchboard.

You can create many fake cell phones so that real customers can't connect to the tower. You can create a fake tower and use it to make people's phones get stuck on the "Let's agree on how to talk!" stage. You can create a fake tower and tell it to tell the phone to use a protocol that's unencrypted so you can listen in (assuming you can get out to the tel network and connect the call, that is.) You can pretend to be a different phone than the one you are. Every feature that is designed to be reliable and easy to use in order to make the life of a phone company or a phone customer easier, is exploitable. Basically, the core concept of doing bad things is exploiting someone's trust or a circumstantial weakness. This becomes easier and easier the more you discover how often it happens to you.

trust nobody not even yourself