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Trump Transition Team Interviews Child Molester

Trump Tower pool reporter: Albert Zalgo
11/18/16

The Trump transition team has interviewed [name redacted], a convicted pedophile, for a high level cabinet position.
A member of the team said: "Donald is a president for all of the peoples, so we just want to be as inclusive as possible."

#notmygodemperor

Trump Transition Team Announces All Female Cabinet

Trump Tower pool reporter: Albert Zalgo
11/18/16

Trump Transition team announced the creation of a new Special Transition Team to transition the all male cabinet to all female.
When reached for comment Rudy Giuliani said: "This is wonderful! Trump is taking government in a whole new direction!"
When asked if he wont miss his penis, he said: "Miss my what now? Transition to where?"

Trump Transition Team Announces Satan to be the new Pope

Trump Tower pool reporter: Albert Zalgo
12/8/16

When reached for comment Trump said " The Catholic church is full of waste fraud and abuse.
Who better than Satan to help clean it up, he really understands how religious fraud works.
He is going to roll back outdated religious rules and regulations that have been strangling religious freedom.
He knows how to shake things up. He is a leader, not just there to make friends, but to make real change."

In an unrelated story, several thousand body bags have been shipped to Italy.