A Talk with Death

[mgb519]

I wrote a poem. Enjoy.


A young man walks down the cold street at night
Though a dangerous place, he does not in slight care
Death would be welcome by this late stage of his youth
Anything to free him of their harsh mocking stares
Why are you going, his parents asked him
Be strong and live on, you can make it through
But he would not hear them this time around
He had already decided what it was high time to do

Or so he thought, but it soon becomes clear
For death itself speaks with the gentlest of voice
Why, boy, should you throw out futures untold
Look beyond hardship, you do have a choice
What choice can I make, is the boy’s sad reply
When each time only lets them tell me I’m wrong
When repeated tries beget repeated cries
Please, let me stop singing life’s sad song

No, kind death shakes its dark-hooded head
Life’s not defined by mistakes that you make
You don’t see it yet, but there will come a day
When there will be great things left in your wake
You fail and fail, sure, but you keep trying onward
The struggle of living s made of such stuff
As they laugh you off for what they call shortcomings
One day you will show you are more than enough

Understand, boy, that though life is as hard
As the endless efforts that you will ever put in
Pushing on, reaching forward is where worth lies
Someday, should you live, you’ll call life your friend
It’s a mentor that makes you ever learn, evermore
So learn on, it’s time you spoke in a different tone
So tonight, I’ll not let you choose what can’t be undone
And leave you, and hope next time you’ll choose on your own

The boy stands there dumbstruck, without argument
He has no way of knowing what has happened inside
He turns around and walks back to the comfort of home
He steps stiffly at first, soon in confidence strides
He grows taller within, and his person changes after
For he just faced his death with a despairing heart
But when death stares you down and tells you to live
Then all that’s left is for you is a brand new start.

[alot]

I think it's quite wonderful, especially from a single sitting. Sometimes those are the best ones. though. I really like the unusual idea of death giving advice for living!

It's an interesting rhyming pattern: second and fourth lines, and sixth and eighth? Took me a re-read to catch it. I expected the odd numbered lines to rhyme, but it isn't absolutely necessary.

The only suggestion I might have is punctuation, like periods at the end of each stanza, and possibly commas at the end of lines.

[Zupponn]

I think it's quite wonderful, especially from a single sitting. Sometimes those are the best ones. though. I really like the unusual idea of death giving advice for living!

It's an interesting rhyming pattern: second and fourth lines, and sixth and eighth? Took me a re-read to catch it. I expected the odd numbered lines to rhyme, but it isn't absolutely necessary.

The only suggestion I might have is punctuation, like periods at the end of each stanza, and possibly commas at the end of lines.

OMG!!! LOOK!!! HE ACTUALLY USED PUNCTUATION!!!

[mgb519]

http://gabanks118.deviantart.com/art/A- ... ks118&qo=1
He also plagiarized someone else.

[Magic Soap]

http://gabanks118.deviantart.com/art/A- ... ks118&qo=1
He also plagiarized someone else.

I... wha...

10/10 SilverAlt.

[Silverdream]

I think you need to wash your mouth out with Soap.