Rainbow War II: Jellybean Apocalypse: Grail War, Turn 2

[Silverdream]

When do I send in orders and did I send in orders?

[devincp]

Screw it, fulfill my orders to the fullest. I want to see that forest burn. Sometimes men just want to see the world burn.

[Overwatch_Elite]

My children will not ally with anyone. Vami shitgoats will do whatever it takes to win, no matter how suicidal, as long as their loving father overwatch watches over them.

[Vami IV]

Well, at least I have something I'll be remembered for.

[ikensall]

Screw it, fulfill my orders to the fullest. I want to see that forest burn. Sometimes men just want to see the world burn.

Stubby, you have chosen wisely. For once.

[Zupponn]

Now you have me thinking of that old Idiana Jones Coke commercial.

[stubby]

Previous: Post 298218

When last we left our intreped heroes, Sir Dogdu was about to meet a fiery fate in the volcanic caldera of Scorpion Prison! So we interrupt this program for some response action.


RESPONSE ACTION: SIR DOGDU THE DOG
Player: Arkbrik devincp

Naturally, being the Medivo version of Batman, Dogdu had already unlocked his shackles and his cage during VladTron's monologue; he's just been waiting for the proper moment to escape. When Stalin's axe cuts the chain supporting the cage, Dogdu decides the time is right.




Dogdu escapes from the cage with a Bail roll that's exactly enough to get him to his sword and shield waiting nearby.


RESPONSE ACTION: SHADOW KNIGHTS
Player: The Shadowscythe

PRISON OFFICER: Oh I don't think so.

Unluckily for Dogdu, Scythe left standing orders to response-attack anyone in range.




The prison crossbow guard isn't able to get in position for a shot, but the officer crits his catapult attack. Since Dogdu's armor would just absorb the extra d6 of Damage, the officer uses the overskill die to reposition the shot by 1d6". He hits the cage rather than Dogdu so that the explosion's splash damage doesn't hurt the lava scorpion or the prison walls.




The cage is destroyed utterly, and the dangerous noises the volcano is making get louder. Dogdu and his weapons aren't damaged, but they're knocked backwards and off of the ledge.




UNIT UNLOCKED: Giant scorpion (Shadow Knights)

SIR DOGDU: Hey! I've discovered one of VladTron's secret reserve units!

Good work, Dogdu.




The giant scorpion scoops up Dogdu in one claw and prepares to strike with its tail while the rider swings his axe.

Sir Dogdu is unarmed, Grabbed, Disrupted, and has already used his Response Action for the turn; he is almost certainly about to die. But I'll give him a shot at a last-ditch Heroic Feat if devincp can think of one that'll make a difference.

[stubby]

Meanwhile, while Dogdu's fate hangs in the balance, back to our regularly scheduled Turn 2.


SIR IVASCUS THE MONKEY
Player: IVhorseman



Sir IVascus's troops move forward, along with Stalin's supporting squad and the Scout on loan from MethHouse.

The ladder squads Sprint forward. The left group sprints a normal amount and reaches the base of the drawbridge ramp, while the right group gets a crazy Sprint roll and reaches almost to the carriage wreckage.

Sir IVascus is not quite close enough to acrobat his way over the carriage, but he will be next turn.

MONKEY: Nice throw, commie. Maybe next time you should let Comrade Teddy Bear try instead.

Stalin says nothing.

He doesn't speak Monkey.

But the teddy bear understands, and remembers.




The two ladder squads trigger response fire from the Shadow Knights' fire catapults. I got a little overexcited and started killing off a bunch of green dudes and setting everything on fire before I remembered that long-distance catapult shots take an extra turn to land. So for now, you're standing under a couple of big red Xes; I'll roll to see where the fireballs actually hit when they come down next turn.

Next: Post 299760

[devincp]

So since I am the medivo version of batman then I will take out my bag of giant scorpion repellent herbs, I had this with me knowing that Vladtron loves his scorpions, I will shove it in the face of the giant scorpion before he can sting me and he will then let go of me and jump back of the edge writhing and shrieking. So basically this will happen but I don't need robin, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9dghbyBaQyI including the explosion.
Then I should be ready to get out of here with my normal movement.

[stubby]

Appropriate choice.

I worked a lot on Batman sets last year, so I have all kinds of Batman trivia. DID YOU KNOW, that in that famous shark scene, the shark wasn't actually going after Batman? It was trying to get Robin. It kept hearing that he was old chum.

[stubby]

Previous: Post 299743

SIR DOGDU THE DOG
Player: Arkbrik devincp



Sir Dogdu produces a potent bouquet of scorpionsbane from somewhere inside his armor! That's thinking ahead! Will it be enough to save him!?

Rather than answer that question, let's see what the rest of the army is up to.




Meanwhile, the rest of the Dogdu and Royal foot soldiers sprint forward. Thanks to high rolls by the armored units and low rolls by the light infantry, they all stay mostly together, except for a squad of axemen to the rear. The heavy cavalry draw broadswords and move aside so that the crossbowmen have a clear line of fire on the pagan Overwatch shitshrine.




But the poop idol is too far out of range. Only one of the crossbow bolts hits the idol, and it does no damage.

VAMI II: you shits can't shoot shit for shit

Undaunted by the crossbowmen's failure, the cavalry take their swords to the tree supporting the shitgoats and their statue, knocking it into the fortress wall. The burning statue breaks into pieces (it was a shitty construction), half landing back on the orcs' catapult tower and half sliding to the base of the wall.




Most of the shitgoats hang on for not-so-dear life; Vami II falls to his death.

VAMI II: noooooo X_X lol

Lit by the roaring flames of the poop chunks, the knights notice a cavernous entrance in the fortress wall that had been hidden behind the foliage.




Alerted by the noise, a troll bursts out the doorway to see the burning fire!

He immediately tries to stomp it out!

He gets shit all over his feet!

FIRST TROLL:

At the other end of the fortress, another troll bursts from a second doorway to point at the first one.

SECOND TROLL: YOU FALL FOR CLASSIC TROLL!

FIRST TROLL:

UNITS UNLOCKED: some trolls (Orcs team)

[stubby]

SIR DOGDU THE DOG (continued)



Moving quickly, Sir Dogdu jams the scorpionsbane into the giant scorpion's face. The scorpion freaks out!




The effect is not as intended! Rather than releasing Dogdu from its grip, the giant scorpion begins stinging him madly! Burning poison courses through his veins!




The paralyzed Dogdu begins to black out as his heart and lungs fail, but not before the giant scorpion ruptures his armor and lays eggs in his internal cavities.

GIANT SCORPION: Hell yeah, bitches!

(Heroic feat critically failed!)


Next: Post 302936

[stubby]

ALL OTHER DOGDU UNITS: Wow, I am so glad I wasn't over there to redshirt for that one

Thus ends the unusually brief tale of Sir Dogdu; he picked a bad time to roll a 1. It's still possible for King MethHouse to choose another soldier from the Dogdu army to crown as the next king, if they should sufficiently distinguish themselves.

I've still got the King's forces left to move, but since his orders for this turn are just "Keep moving forward" I'm not expecting any surprises. Neutral armies will follow, so Silverdream and Overwatch can send in orders now.

[Tzan]

King MethHouse executes a flawless royal facepalm.

[Silverdream]

Can you PM me an overview?