The planet of Tikrit is known as being one of the most corrupt, poverty-stricken hellholes anywhere along the edge of Galaxia Nehellenium. Unsurprisingly, it is also now firmly in the hands of OASIS, numbering as one of a several dozen individual planets that have fallen to their relentless advance. However, all of that is about to change very soon. A new coalition has been raised among the powers of the Brikverse in order to bring an end to the lawlessness of OASIS, and today will mark their first strike.
Due to heavier fighting on other worlds, the OASIS forces here have also allied themselves with a number of other heretic groups who share similar goals and ideals. Their leader is an individual by the name of Rayyan Aahil, one of Aboo Baka al-Baghdaddy's lieutenants. Rayyan has been busy rallying peaches to his cause, as well as almost anyone who is willing to support the goals of OASIS, including the slave traders of Tikrit. Among them are the infamous man known simply as "Razor" and his sidekick Jeb, who - apart from his adoration of blades and twinkies - is known for speaking exclusively in Internet memes.
Rayyan: "I'll definitely take the girl on the left, but I'm torn between the useful idiot and the dumb brute."
Jeb: "whynotboth.jpg?"
Rayyan: "Ah, hell with it. We'll take all of them."
In the meanwhile, citizens from Tikrit who defied the will of Rayyan are now on their way to their execution. Sadly this appears to be the last stop along their line.
Heretic soldier: "Get out here you old bastard!"
Old Man: "No please, I'm just an old man!"
Little do the heretics realize however, that their merriment is about to come to a swift end.
General Schmidt: "Well, miss Reynolds? What can you observe about our adversary from the heights of this unnaturally-colored plateau?"
Agent Reynolds: "It seems our intelligence was correct. There are some OASIS members down there, and plenty of peaches. But why are there so many yellows with them? Surely they haven't converted that many?"
General Schmidt: "It makes no difference! If they wish to join OASIS in heresy, then they can die accordingly!"
Agent Reynolds: "They also seem to be armed with a great amount of Brisovet wargear. That's strange; there's no Brisovet positions anywhere near Tikrit."
General Schmidt: "Those damn commies will sell to anyone if it causes trouble for us. Don't worry - they'll get theirs soon enough! For now however, we must liberate this world."
Agent Reynolds: "There certainly are a lot of the heretics down there, sir; and they also seem to have quite a few hostages."
General Schmidt: "Then its a good thing we brought the BIG GUNS! Gunner crews, report!"
Gunner 1: "Yo mama's so ugly, she went into a draugr crypt and came out with a job application!"
Gunner 2: "Yeah, and yo mama's so damn poor, children from space Africa send her 25 coins a month!"
Gunner 1: "Well - "
General Schmidt: "You two! Shut the hell up and load that cannon! We have work to do!"
Gunners: "Yessir!"
Below the General's position, the heretics have no idea of the storm that is soon to overtake them.
Rayyan: "Well, the base seems secure for now. Everyone remain on standby; I'm going to try my new bitch out!"
With a deafening roar, the first artillery shells fall directly on the heretic tank near the entryway, annihilating it instantly. Rayyan and his allies are thrown to the ground, as the heretics scramble to their defenses in preparation for an attack.
Rayyan: "Dammit! Everyone to your stations, NOW!"
Jeb: "
, 
"
The slaves move to cover, while Rayyan and the heretics charge towards the front line. Behind them, more heretics cross the street from the workshop.
The heretic sniper is quickly neutralized.
Taking advantage of the situation, the civilians move quickly in an effort to free themselves. The old man and his grandson hobble away to safety, while the others tackle the heretics in an effort to steal their weapons, with varying degrees of success.
It isn't long before a Calvarian mechanized division appears on the horizon. Things are not looking good for the supporters of OASIS...
The heretics crossing the street stop suddenly, as they notice a colossal shadow appear over their position.
Heretic soldier: "Oh shit what is that!?!"
A Calvarian War Titan appears.
Two of the civilians are killed for their act of defiance by the heretics, while one successfully takes a carbine from the unconscious heretic, using it to kill a second enemy. Unfortunately for this citizen, he is hopelessly outmatched.
With the civilians killed, the heretics near the truck move towards the front lines, but are cut off as the Titan opens fire with its massive rotary autocannon. Their comrades in the street are shredded like hamburger.
Infantry have little hope against a machine designed to slay super-heavy units.
The Titan turns its attention to the lone heretic survivor, but is unable to fire before the soldier retreats to the relative safety of the workshop.
The Titan then turns its attention to Rayyan, who becomes paralyzed with fear.
Rayyan: "Great Builder, save me..."
Not noticing the mammoth war machine behind them, the slavers and heretics arrive at the front line and fire with all their might.
Yet the hide of the Calvarian tanks prove impervious to their pitiful attacks.
Jeb, Razor, and the heretics are easily slain by the lethal blast, while the cultists manage to evade the attack.
The Stormwind also advances, using its autocannon to clear a path through the minefield.
Heretic soldier: "Keep firing! Don't let up; their soldiers will appear soon enough!"
Gunner 1: "Target sighted...firing now!"
The heretics behind the sandbags are instantly obliterated by the artillery strike.
A cultist is killed as the Stormwind deploys its contingent of soldiers.
Rayyan: "To the right! Kill them!"
More heretics die as the Calvarians advance towards the computer lab.
A second group of Calvarians arrives, leaping over the barricades and aiming straight at Rayyan.
Firing wildly, Rayyan slays a Calvarian soldier as the second cultist goes down.
Rayyan: "Come on then, you Imperial bastards! I've got a bullet for each of you!"
Rayyan hastily attempts to reload his weapon, but it ultimately proves futile.
Calvarian soldier: "Drop it, now! Surrender!"
Rayyan's anger soon turns to sorrow, as he realizes he forgot his suicide vest back home.
Rayyan: "No matter; I will fight another day."
The Calvarians advance towards the computer lab, with one of their soldiers taking a bullet to the chest.
The heretic behind the desk is quickly dispatched by the other Calvarians.
Moving quickly, his comrade attempts to escape by running through the office towards the garage.
But he is not fast enough.
More Calvarians arrive, as they advance towards the Garage in an effort to locate the heretics.
The pinned-down heretics spot their advance however, and quickly open fire, killing two Calvarian soldiers.
Heretic: "Over there! Stop them!"
Another heretic appears from behind the tank's turret, and throws a bundle of dynamite at the Calvarians, killing two more.
Calvarian soldier: "We need support, now!"
Just then, a Calvarian Great Wyrm dropship lands behind the heretic positions, ready to deploy more soldiers to counter the heretics, who are now surrounded.
Two heretics are slain, as the dreaded Stormtroopers emerge onto the battlefield.
The remaining heretics don't last much longer.
The last band of heretics hold out in the garage, waiting for the Calvarians to arrive.
Heretic: They'll be here any second now; don't take your eyes off that door!"
Heretic: "
"
The results are predictable.
Behind the workshop, the last surviving heretic manages to slip away unseen. Only time will tell as to what might become of him...
With the town secured, the Empire has won their first battle against OASIS. In time, more Calvarians will arrive to take the fight to the heretic forces, and bolster their allies in the region. With Rayyan taken into custody, the coalition has taken a great first step in the fight against OASIS.
General Schmidt: "Ah, Rayyan Aahil. How does it feel to be the one in chains for once?"
Rayyan: "Shut up you fascist bastard! I'll kill you all for this!"
General Schmidt: "That will depend entirely upon us now I think. The only question now is what to do with you. Miss Reynolds and the CSIB would certainly love to question you. I also know that the Inquisition is very skilled when it comes to handling your kind, and I could only imagine what the Knights of Aldasveign would do to get their hands on you. Perhaps I could work something out so that all of them could handle you?"
Rayyan: "Fuck you! I'll never talk!"
Reynolds: "Don't worry, we have ways of making you do that."
And so, the War against OASIS has begun.
This was a really cool battle, Ben.
lol j/k
