Rainbow War II: Jellybean Apocalypse: Grail War, Turn 2

[stubby]

Previous: Post 303557

DRAYKO THE DRAKE
Player: Vami IV




DRAYKO: The tower is on fire! Scorpions -- move up and put out that fire! Ninjas -- flip out!




Ninjas start jumping around and doing sweet flips all over the fortress wall.




First things first, though: the Lava Scorpion high-fives the Giant Scorpion for a job well done.

-- SCORPION BROS --




Behind it, the volcano continues erupting. Lava pours into the ocean, creating giant clouds of steam.




The Lava Scorpion leaves its volcano and heads for the burning tower.




DRAYKO: All right maggots, now's our chance. The tower's in flames, the fortress is under attack. VladTron's forces need the inspiration that only the Scorpions can provide.

GARRISON THUG: Another musical number? We blew our concert budget last turn!

GARRISON THUG #2: And all it did was make them more loyal to Piltogg!

DRAYKO: Then we'll play Piltogg propaganda songs! Whatever it takes! POWER OF SCORPIONS, ACTIVATE




GARRISON THUG: But we're the Scorpions! Can shitty butt rock musicians really succeed with a Nazi marching band theme?

DRAYKO: Of course, you fool! It worked for Sgt. Pepper's! Now hit it! Eins zwei drei -

• "Auf Akkadia blüht ein kleines Blümelein
  und das heißt: Erika!"

• "Heiß von hunderttausend geilen Bienelein
  wird umschwärmt Erika!"

SHADOW KNIGHT: What... the fuck...

SHADOW KNIGHT #2: Are they singing about flowers!?

SHADOW OFFICER: I thought Akkadia was about ultra-badassery! Not flowers!

• "denn ihr Herz ist voller Süßigkeit,
  zarter Duft entströmt dem Blütenloch!"

SHADOW KNIGHT: This is the worst thing that's ever happened!

SHADOW OFFICER: I am questioning all my decisions in life!

• "Auf Akkadia blüht ein kleines Blümelein
  und das heißt: Erika!"

SHADOW COMMANDER: I don't even care that the tower's on fire! This blasphemy must be stopped!




FEAT FAILED (?)

Drayko and his men are sent reeling by their own humiliating performance. The Shadow Knights are now questioning their loyalty to both Akkadia and VladTron as a result of this horrifying event.

[Vami IV]

Goddammit.

[stubby]

SHADOW KNIGHTS
Player: The Shadowscythe




The Shadow Commander climbs up a level to have a chat with the tower crossbowman.




SHADOW COMMANDER: Did you see those shitgoats and their flaming shitweapons? Such an innovative use of materials at hand!

CROSSBOWMAN: Uuuuugh, can we talk about something else? I think that flower music put me off my lunch for a week!

SHADOW COMMANDER: Really? I may be able to help. As you know, my staff gives me otherworldly mastery of heat and flame.

CROSSBOWMAN: Heat and flame? What does that have to do... ?




SHADOW COMMANDER: SRIRACHA TOBASCO CHIPOTLE CHOLULA!

CROSSBOWMAN: HUUUUURRRRKKK




The tower's great height gives the effect greater range than it would normally achieve.







SHADOW COMMANDER: It seems that Drayko's armor makes him invulnerable to my flaming butthurt attack spell. Still, a very successful "dry run."

CROSSBOWMAN: I feel much better!




As flaming shit arcs harmlessly around the invlunerable Drayko and his men, the Shadow Knight ground forces take positions around the gate.




A dragon moves up to patrol the left wall.




On the right, the Giant Scorpion scrambles over the top of the Lava Scorpion to get where he's going.

LAVA SCORPION: Hold it, bro! It was just a high five, don't get any ideas!

[stubby]

BITCHES OF VLADTRON
Player: Butthurt



The three fire witches pause to marvel at the wonders they have seen.

BUROR: Did you see that?

BERDANDI: Un-holy shit!

BKULD: Indeed! How did that idiot think of it before we did? BITCH SESSION!




BUROR: Weaponized butthurt!

BERDANDI: This could revolutionize the firewitch craft for all time.




BKULD: We'll need to investigate this vigorously.

BUROR: Let's collect test subjects.




The rest of the Bitches' turn is hidden in the expanding cloud of steam.

Next: Post 307096

[stubby]

First-tier VladTron troops are done. Next up, second-tier guys: Pinkomancers, Spidola, and Hexonxonx, followed by the naval teams: Black Inches and Red Miles, and then finally Lord VladTron, so everyone send in orders!

[Duerer]

First-tier VladTron troops are done. Next up, second-tier guys: Pinkomancers, Spidola, and Hexonxonx, followed by the naval teams: Black Inches and Red Miles, and then finally Lord VladTron, so everyone send in orders!

Mine are sent, like half a year ago.

[stubby]

Mine are sent, like half a year ago.

In that case, send them again, because all I have on my end is a discussion of its powers.

[Apollyon]

That Youtube channel...

[ikensall]

I wonder when Dogdu's scorpion babies are due.

And if that other chap still around to play them.

And if I can ninja them.

[Duerer]

Mine are sent, like half a year ago.

In that case, send them again, because all I have on my end is a discussion of its powers.

K, sent.

That Youtube channel...

IKR, sometimes I visit that channel's vids, just to read through the comments.

[Vami IV]

IKR, sometimes I visit that channel's vids, just to read through the comments.

And now I want to see Erika (German) and Katyusha (Russia) duke it out on a mud pit with nothing but a two-piece bikini while their soldier of a boyfriends just sit in the sidelines drinking beer and vodka

German Soldier Boyfriend: My Erika drives a tank
Russian Soldier Boyfriend: Yeah, my Katyusha is a rocket. She screams like a fukin banshee

Replies to this magnificence are as follows:

Skraith
+hereLiesThisTroper Russian: When Kaytusha fires, silly piltoggs begin saying their last prayers.
German: Yeah, well we've got Nebelwerfers.
Russian: Fuckin hell man you're fuckin crazy

Iouri “PSP-VC” Petrenko
Yes this guy is definitely a retard , that's why i download it , delete video and only keep the audio. I should consider reupload them with PROPER WW2 Pics.

fukerwolf 190
+Iouri Petrenko the guy uploaded this vid?

hereLiesThisTroper
+Iouri Petrenko uh who are you calling a retard? me or the uploader?

Not Piltogg
+hereLiesThisTroper And America is sitting there like "I still don't have a girlfriend."

Anthony Romantini
+Not Piltogg But he has a boyfriend, and his name is Britain.

Noel Stolk
+hereLiesThisTroper this was... the last thing I expected in the comments.... fucking wow XD

Glyphagos
+Anthony Romantini What if they were lesbians?

Iouri “PSP-VC” Petrenko
+Glyphagos Gas

[Zupponn]

You said you had my orders already, but if you need them again, just let me know.

Alternatively, you could list who you need orders from after every turn post.

[stubby]

You said you had my orders already, but if you need them again, just let me know.

Alternatively, you could list who you need orders from after every turn post.

Yep, you're good. Now I just need Natalya's and I'll be ready to go.

[stubby]

Previous: Post 305120

PINKOMANCERS
Player: Zupponn



The Pinkomancer kultists continue animating skeletons at full speed. The first group hits the armory.




The skeletons select a stylish outfit of black body armor and swords, courtesy of Harry's Harmful Hardware.

SKELETONS: Thanks Harry!




HARRY: No problem!


Meanwhile, the Pinko researchers split up to investigate their fields with greater focus.



The Arcanomancer pauses at his shrine to reflect on the greatness of Lord VladTron. The image creates strange feelings in him. Arcane feelings. Feelings of pinkness.

PINK POWER +1




Meanwhile, the Portalmancer works on making the pink portal functional. The secret seems to be bringing these pink focusing dishes into alignment.




There are seven focus points missing, and he only has two dishes. He's going to need to think of an alternative.




The Planetariumancer's mind is still racing with his new understanding of the Pink Energy Plane.

PLANETARIUMANCER: If the PEP is a reflection of the Nega-NegaVerse, and the Nega-NegaVerse is a reflection of a reflection of the BrikVerse...




PLANETARIUMANCER: And this planetarium is a physical reflection of local space... then if I channel the energies correctly, I should be able to tap the pink reflection of our system into this planetarium!

Somehow this manages to make perfect sense in metapink physiks.




The Pentagramomancer is determined to discover the effects of the most powerful (and only) pinko Artifakt created so far.

PENTAGRAMOMANCER: Guard! Come here! I need to test the effects of opening a firehose of cotton candy directly into your mouth!

DARK ELF GUARD: Oh hell yeaMMMMMFFFFF NOM NOM NOM




PENTAGRAMOMANCER: Well? Do you feel anything?







DARK ELF GUARD: zeeeEEEEEEyowm

The Dark Elf Guard is moving at double speed. He now gets double movement and action every turn.




EVIL VIZIER: YOINK

EVIL VIZIER: Lord VladTron! Come and see the awesome military advantage I've created for us!



MAGICAL GIRLS
Player: Natalya



The Magical Girls return to their very important work. They don't summon anything from the cauldron this turn.


Next: Post 308128

[stubby]

I just realized I've done the turn out of order; the Black Inches and Red Miles should have gone before the Pinkomancers. So I'll pause the Hexonxonx for a second while I take orders from Scratch and lawmaster.

Scratch and lawmaster, ready for Turn 2 orders!