Transmission Incoming
Origin: VASS HQ, Adygea, USSSR
Destination: Central Military Command HQ, Tsarvia, USSSR
Accept Transmission:
"This is Admiral Ignatov Borgadef of the Victorious Adygean Star Soldiery, reporting in as scheduled. Good evening, commander. Six months ago, you announced to Adygea and several other nations within the USSSR that those who could prove their worth as a military power would rise to become part of the USSSR's mighty star army, while those who failed would be forced to economy and labor. The very idea of this shames Adygean pride, and so we have assembled this demonstration of the Victorious Adygean Star Soldiery's might."
"Joining me for this production is VASS Colonel General Kilalov Demded, who has kept the fringe worlds under control for several years now. General, show me what you have created."
"It would be my pleasure, Admiral Borgadef."
"Here we have a variety of VASS soldiers. On the right you will find the Privates, equipped with chainblades and barbed shields. To the left are the Efreitors, with laser cannons or alternatively the mobile artillery suit. These troops form the body of our ground forces. Now, if you would accompany me."
"This VASS-2 Bystro is a wheel bike designed primarily for scouting purposes. While not particularly durable, it moves with remarkable speed and its single-wheel design eliminates turn penalties for better maneuverability. It also carries a Mark III laser cannon so that, in a pinch, it can still deal significant damage."
"The VASS-3 Palemask, on the other hand, serves as a perfect balance between speed and firepower. On its relatively small chassis are mounted a large cutlass and claw attachment, along with a pair of Mark II Spectral Cannons. However, the weaponry can be easily exchanged for specialized equipment to make the Palemask suitable in any situation."
"We found, then, that our army was still lacking in flying vehicles, and to this purpose we designed the VASS-4 Fearsparrow. Its small size allows for tremendously swift movement, while being quite deadly in combat with a pair of Mark II cannons. The Fearsparrow is heavily armored, ensuring that it cannot be brought down with any ease by the enemy."
"It is with great pride that we present the centerpiece of the Adygean army: the VASS-5 Thunder Pig. Our engineers strove to load a relatively small armored vehicle with as many lasers as could fit, and this was the breathtaking result. The Thunder Pig has been created with the intention of taking out even the largest of targets in one or two devastating hits from its Mark V Thunderdrums, but it also carries twin mortar launchers for routing enemy fortifications, and double machine guns for the elimination of ground forces. It is truly the most beautiful of our death-reaping creations."
"But we have decided to save the largest for last. These VASS-1 Iron Razors fulfill a crucial role in any star army, which is to crush the enemy underfoot in the most literal fashion possible. Not only this, but the Razors carry large razor blades capable of ripping apart lesser vehicles, and Mark II lasercannons for the targets yet out of range."
"Thank you for this demonstration, General Demded."
"It has been my pleasure, Admiral Borgadef."
"And it is with this transmission, commander, that we hope Adygea rises to join the might of our glorious USSSR in victorious combat! May our flag fly over all Nehellenium, and our empire live on forever."
End Transmission