Army of JAM: The enemy of my frenemy is my...

[Bluefog]

Comrade JAM and only two of his warrior mutant monk bodyguards roamed a strange wasteland in search of an elite group of mercenaries. Due to mutiny and all the carnage of the brikverse, Comrade JAM requires more soldiers and is forced to contract out some of his dirty deeds. He heard of this strange crew through and friend of a friend and decided to meet up with them. It wasn't long before he found them near a small oasis.




Acid Thrower Bot: Halt! Who goes there?


Comrade JAM: I'm Comrade JAM, these are two of my bodyguards, we're here to speak with F3.


Comrade JAM: I don't have an appointment or anything but--


Acid Thrower Bot: None shall pass!

** FFFFFFFFSSSHHHHHHHH!!!!***




Warrior Monk 1: AAAAARRRRGGHH!!

Comrade JAM: Uhhmmm... Please?


Samurai Panda: Let him speak, he's being polite. I enjoy good manners.

Comrade JAM: Thanks, Panda, I--

Crispy McOink: His name is Samurai Panda!!! What is it that you want, ignorant fool?!

Comrade JAM: Alright, Jesus, relax. I need some assistance.

Crispy McOink: We're extremely picky about our clients.

Samurai Panda: The extremelyist. Maybe even more than that.

Comrade JAM: Well I can pay, if that's what you mean.


Samurai Panda: Money? Why do I need money? Money doesn't motivate or interest me as much as blood debts... and ice cream. I fuckin' love ice cream. I once ate 4 liters of ice cream in one go. Neapolitan ice cream. Y'know, that flavor with three flavors? Now that was a good idea.... anyway, what were we talking about again?

Crispy McOink: You were talkin about blood debts.

Samurai Panda: Right, thanks so much Crispy. So yeah, my motivation isn't conventional. I'd rather you owe me a favor.

Comrade JAM: Like what?

Samurai Panda: You can just owe me one. I'll let you know when it's time. This way is way more fun... not quite as much fun as ice cream, but close.

Comrade JAM: Alright, well, I'm impulsive and don't think things through properly so I'll just blindly agree.

Samurai Panda: Excellent.


Comrade JAM: Thanks for everything.

Comrade JAM and his remaining bodyguard depart.


Uni-Burn: That dude was an idiot.

Samurai Panda: Yes, yes he was. I don't trust him.


Crispy McOink: And yet you made a deal with him. Is that wise?

Samurai Panda: Maybe? I dunno. You know what they say: the enemy of my frenemy is an ally.

Crispy McOink: I don't think that's how that saying goes.

Samurai Panda: Yes it is and I'm in charge around here so shut up. *sticks out tongue* (though no one can see because he's behind a mask)

[Natalya]

Oh man, JAM is getting himself into some weird shit hanging out with a crowd like that.

[Bluefog]

Maybe, or maybe it'll go smoothly.

[Bluefog]

Samurai Panda: We're out of ice cream again.

Crispy McOink: You gotta lay off that stuff, boss, you'll get diabetes.

Samurai Panda: I'll die-ya your beetus!


Uni-Boom: Doesn't even make any sense boss.

Samurai Panda: I know that! Don't you think I know that?

Crispy McOink: I don't think he does.


Samurai Panda: I goddamn do. You need to show more respect I'll-- HEY! ATB is here. What up dude?

Acid Thrower Bot: I received a fax detailing the hit.

Samurai Panda: Excellent. Wait, a fax? Didn't I give JAM my email? Wait, do I even have a fax machine?

Acid Thrower Bot: I have one built in, sir.

Samurai Panda: Of course you do. Thanks Bot, that'll be all.


Samurai Panda: Ice cream will have to wait gentlemen... for today it's...


Samurai Panda: ...fiery carnage first, and delicioius ice cream later!!!


Samurai Panda: I just want to take a moment and tell you how much I appreciate you both.

Uni-Burn: Aww, thanks boss.

Crispy McOink: Can we stay on task?

Samurai Panda: I never felt any connection to society. I felt disconnected. But now I feel a connection... to you... Is that creepy?


Uni-Burn: A little boss, yeah.

Crispy McOink: It's totally creepy.


Samurai Panda: *sigh* Okay fine, let's go.


Samurai Panda: What do you think these Fire Dragons did to piss JAM off so bad?

Crispy McOink: Don't know, don't care.

Samurai Panda: I felt the same, but then I had questions. The questions were unrelated to the matter at hand though.


Crispy McOink: SShh!! I see them. Ten O'clock.

Samurai Panda: It's more like nine fifteen. But I also see the group over there dressed in bright red. They look ridiculous right?

Uni-Burn: Yeah, boss, they look stupid.

Crispy McOink: So stupid.


Samurai Panda: Hey, are you guys the Fire Dragons?

Fire Monk 1: Whose asking?

Samurai Panda: Oh how rude of me... I'm Samurai Panda, this is Crispy McOink...

Crispy McOink: Yo.

Samurai Panda: ...and this is Uni-Burn.

Uni-Burn: Sup?

Fire Monk 1: What the hell do you want?

Samurai Panda: Ice cream.... oh and for you to burn to death.


Samurai Panda: BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

*****FFFFWWWWWWOOooOooOO0o0o0OOoOo0OOSSSHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!*****


Fire Monk 1: AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRGGGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!


***FFFFFWWWWWOOOOOOOOoooOoOooOOoSSSSHH!!!***


Fire Monk 2: AAAAaraarrarrrrrRRRaararGGHHH!!

Samurai Panda: Hey look, cyborg ninjas... BURN 'EM!!!!


Uni-Burn: Shit, ran out of fuel.


Uni-Burn: Time to axe a few questions.. eh? eh?

Samurai Panda: I'm bat shit crazy and even I thought that was horrible.


Uni-Burn: Oh well, I tried... HEEEEYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!!

**SHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNKK!!**


Uni-Burn: That's how it's done, bitches.

Cyrborg Ninja 2: Sword Attack #31


Crispy McOink: Axe Throw #FUCK YOU!!

*FLIP* *FLIP*

*THUD!*



Crispy McOink: Rrrr... Oh man, it's hard to pull out--

Samurai Panda: --That's what she said!!

Uni-Burn: Good one boss.


Samurai Panda: Good job boys, good job.

Uni-Burn: What we gonna make JAM do for us now?

Samurai Panda: I dunno, got any suggestions?


Crispy McOink: I do. Let's discuss them over some ice cream.

[Bluefog]

Red Hooded Woman: What is it?

Ninja Chick: One of our outposts was hit.

Red Hooded Woman: Any survivors?

Ninja Chick: No, and worse than that, everything has been burned to a crisp.


Red Hooded Woman: I know who's calling card that is.

Ninja Chick: You do? Really?


Red Hooded Chick: Yes... it's been a while but it's them... no survivors, everyone burned to a crisp... sounds right. Now the question is, who hired them? Because they're just mercenaries.... Hmmm...

Ninja Chick: What are your orders?

Red Hooded Chick: Assemble everyone, I need answers and this may get bloody.

Ninja Chick: Understood.



The Red Hooded Woman and her faithful officer left to go question Jim Bluehawk. A once trusted ally.







Red Hooded Woman: Jim, you mother fucker!!!

Jim Bluehawk: Hey don't yell baby, it ain't becoming.

Red Hooded Woman: I could care less. Did you order the hit on my outpost? Some one contracted out F3. Everyone burned alive. Some sick shit. Had to be them.

Jim Bluehawk: Do you really need to ask that? I gave you my word. We are much stronger together than on our own. Think I know who hired them though.


Red Hooded Woman: Who?


Jim Bluehawk: Isn't it obvious? Who did we just make an uneasy alliance with? Who should be threatened as we grow in numbers?

Red Hooded Woman: Do you mean JAM? Would he break his word?


Jim Bluehawk: I don't know him but it makes sense.

Red Hooded Woman: But he accepted our tributes.

Jim Bluehawk: Which means I have questions for him, and sounds like you do too.

Red Hooded Woman: I do.


Jim Bluehawk: Let's go ask him. We'll see what he says.




Jim Bluehawk: How far are you prepared to take this?

Red Hooded Woman: As far as I need to. This ends now. If JAM wants to go back on his word, and screw me over, I'll make him pay. Are you with me?

Jim Bluehawk: Always.