Adventures in Biotech

[Natalya]

Austere, the home world of the ASE.



Dr. Osols: ... meaning that the inflamed tissue would be the only tissue acted on by the micro-machines. No side-effects of any kind, unless the patient had a metal allergy, but even then we could use this very same technology to treat that condition as well.

Doctor Osols of the ASE Biotech Research Project Agency finished her presentation. She and Doctor Comeau of the CSL were briefing Empress Xianghua on their research on using nano-bots to attack inflammation.




Dr. Maxwell: I must admit your approach to this problem is unique, but the effects of your technology are too close to how our patented treatment, Antifeu, works.




Dr. Sato: I'm sorry, but I must agree with my client. I don't think we can allow your further development of this line of research, or you'll merely end up cloning Antifeu.

[Natalya]

Dr. Comeau: Did you even listen to our presentation? Dr. Osols and I have come up vith zis incredible treatment on our own to solve most kinds of chronic inflammation, and funding permitting ve vill be able to apply our research to an implementation vhich could also be used in localized trauma-related inflammation as well. Zis is going to help so many people, but you vant to tell us zat it violates a patent and ve should stop?
Dr. Sato: Yes, exactly.




Empress Xianghua: I can't allow that.




Empress Xianghua: Doctors Osols and Comeau are developing such an important technology, they must be allowed to continue. The lives of billions of our nations people, and those in Canadia as well, will be improved by this research. And it looks like such an easy fix, it would be easy to spread across the Brikverse.

[Natalya]

Empress Xianghua: Dr. Osols, I will ensure that you are granted the proper funding through Section 7. Please continue your work with Dr. Comeau, I will ensure that the Medical Council of Canadia is also given additional Section 7 funds towards this endeavour.




Empress Xianghua: Doctors Sato and Maxwell, my aides briefed me on Antifeu, but we must press forwards with this research anyway.




Empress Xianghua: Also, I may remind you that under Assyrian law any medical patents are only granted a lifetime of three B.R.s, as a matter of national security. Our armed forces depend upon a healthy populace from which to draw soldiers. And I personally consider the health of my subjects to be of utmost importance.

[Natalya]

Mr. Black: Empress, may I respectfully ask why you granted the Trattorians an audience in this matter?




Mr. Black: I believe they were too polite to threaten you with a lawsuit because of the political ramifications, but I think they were going to take us to the GIPO whether you invited them to this meeting or not.
Empress Xianghua: It was ostensibly because the quality of Doctors Osols and Comeau's research and their special way of tackling the problem would be of interest to them because they could use this work to improve Antifeu.




Empress Xianghua: However, I know the Trattorians would rather sue over something like this than take it as an opportunity to advance medical science. Besides they have Mircale Cure anyway, so what do they need this for?




Empress Xianghua: No, the real reason I invited them was because I wanted to see for myself what kind of people they are. You saw Dr. Sato's cold reply to Dr. Comeau, it was remarkable to witness. I needed to see their famed cold and calculating attitude for myself because eventually I am going to have to deal with them on some issue or another and I need to know how they think.

[Natalya]

And if you're just joining us now, we're live at the imperial palace for the Empress's weekly address. Tonight she is expected to make a joint appearance with Prime Minister Stephen Harbl of the Canadia Star Legion as part of his second state visit to Assyria.




Okay, we have just received word that the Empress is about to make her appearance.




Here she is, and I think I can see the Prime Minister behind her.




Ladies and Gentlemen, Empress Xianghua.

[Natalya]

And here is PM Harbl, and boy that hair really does look like a toupé.




Empress Xianghua: Residents of Assyria, I am joined this evening by Prime Minster Stephen Harbl of the Canadia Star Legion.
PM Harbl: Thank you for having me, it is a pleasure to be here.




Empress Xianghua: My Assyrians, I am here with Mr. Harbl to announce a new joint venture between our nations in cutting-edge biotech research.




Empress Xianghua: Our doctors working at the Biotech Research Project Agency and Canadian doctors working with their Medical Council of Canadia have made some important breakthroughs in the use of microscopic robots to treat inflammation. The implications for this technology are vast, and could lead to the rehabilitation of countless Assyrians who suffer from chronic inflammation-related diseases such as asthma and rheumatoid arthritis. The potential impact of this research is hard to put into numbers, but think of a loved one or a friend you know who suffers from one of those conditions or something else, and know that they may be touched by this technology.




Empress Xianghua: As I consider the health of Assyrians a matter of national security, I am directing the Budget Office to assign funds under Section 7 to go directly into this research, and to send funds to the Medical Council of Canadia to help their progress with this research.

[Natalya]

Empress Xianghua: Mr. Harbl, I want to thank you for the fine work of your people, and for committing staff at the MCC to this project.
PM Harbl: Thank you for Assyria's support.




... And it looks like that's it for this week's address. Mr. Harbl and the Empress are now leaving the dais. This sure sounds like it was a productive visit for Canadia.

[Vami IV]

Some nations bypass this bullshit patent thing with the magic of organized crime
Enjoy your healthcare, guys. It's on the Mob (for a sizable "donation," of course).

[Bluefog]

Not concerned that this would be lost on people that aren't Canadian?

[Valiant]

Well, it's not lost on me .

[Natalya]

Meanwhile in Trattoria...



Dr. Sato: It's a pity the Empress decided to ignore us and back those researchers.
Dr. Maxwell: It is generous to call them that. Working on problems we've already solved shouldn't be considered research.




Dr. Maxwell: In any case, I expect you have made all the necessary arrangements to protect our IP, Dr. Sato?
Dr. Sato: Naturally.




Dr. Sato: My contacts should have everything set in motion before the Empress formally authorizes the funding.
Dr. Sato: We won't even need to take them to the GIPO.
Dr. Maxwell: Sounds like you've completed your work without doing your actual job.
Dr. Sato: Well, as you must know, the best way to win a case is to settle it out of court.
Dr. Maxwell: Yes, of course.

[Natalya]

Not concerned that this would be lost on people that aren't Canadian?

The only Canadian jokes are about Stephen Harper. For non-Canadians:



This is PM Harper. Look at that hair. Just look at it.

Also, Harbl is a 4chan word for penis. And Harper is a huge dick.

[Valiant]

Not concerned that this would be lost on people that aren't Canadian?

The only Canadian jokes are about Stephen Harper. For non-Canadians:



This is PM Harper. Look at that hair. Just look at it.

Also, Harbl is a 4chan word for penis. And Harper is a huge dick.

As a Canadian, I wholeheartedly agree.

[Natalya]

Dr. Osols: Yes, I remember it clearly. I was with the Empress and the Canadians as they bid their farewells.




Dr. Osols: Dr. Comeau and the PM thanked the Empress for her hospitality.




Dr. Osols: And then she turned to me and wished me luck as well. I was about to leave too, heading to the subway to catch a train back to the lab.




Dr. Osols: The Empress turned away from me back to Mr. Harbl. That's when it happened. It was over in seconds.

[RedRover]