Peach Incident on Meridian Turn 1

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Peach Incident on Meridian Turn 1

Postby Pwnerade » Sat Sep 24, 2011 9:06 pm

You might have thought this forum battle died. I just took a 3-month break.

The Yellow Reenactors - *CRAZYHORSE*

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The vehicles move foward. One of the British soldiers grabbed a pair of satchel charges, slung his Thompson across his back, shouted "Tally-ho!" and made a break for the fire station. He then yelled "Who's going to help me make explosive projectiles out of these fire fighting trucks?!"

Sgt. Harmon dismounted from the Hellcat. The Wespe driver uses his vehicle's radio to say, "Someone spot me a target so I can unleash hell upon tose filthy ABS mutated pieces of Scheiße." In a thick German accent, of course.

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Sgt. Harmon fired at the Xtreme sports punk riding the trike, but he missed.

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The Panzer was not yet in range of the red building, so the tank's commander decided to act on his own initiative and destroy the crane in the meantime, since it's in the way.

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The crane somehow was undamaged by the shell. However, a number of civilians were caught in the blast radius. Red-Handed Jed got turned into Bloody-Smear Jed. The foreman, the squidhead, the frog, a sign and a trash can were also casualties.

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The panzer driver thought it might be fun to let loose a burst from his machinegun. It was.
Last edited by Pwnerade on Thu Sep 29, 2011 5:55 pm, edited 2 times in total.
An army marches on its stomach, and its favorite food is fudge.
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Postby Pwnerade » Sat Sep 24, 2011 9:38 pm

Pwn Protectorate Infantry - benkim123, and
Pwn Protectorate Commandos - Moronstudios

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Most of the infantry march foward in order to support the reenactor's attack, but the two with SMGs break off and head towards the fire station. The commandos do the same. Kaptain Kickass speeds off on his rocket bike.
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Postby piltogg » Sat Sep 24, 2011 10:36 pm

Woo! I thought it had died for sure..
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Postby Pwnerade » Sun Sep 25, 2011 12:07 am

Peach Militia - Silent-sigfig

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The speeders quickly move around the wall and into the street, pancaking Officer Betty in the process. Troops move up, and one searches the two-story building, and finds the first floor empty.

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The mustachioed turret operator uses the controls to aim at the approaching enemy, but thy are out of range for the moment. The peach infantry are ready to fire as soon as the enemy dares to get close enough.

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Peach Solo sprints all the way to the back of the Pizzeria and claims two pizzas (Almighty Bennies) for his team.

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Nothing in this building, either. Save for the German football player.

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With a lucky shot, the speeder pilot bullseyes the Dimmie driving the pizza truck, disintegrating much of his body and leaving the vehicle unharmed.

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BOOM! HEADSHOT!
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Postby Pwnerade » Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:09 am

Green Reenactors - Ogel96

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The soldiers in front of the hill mercilessly gun down the Worst-Lock CLOans.

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The greens move up. The ones who were behind the ridge sprint with varying success to keep up. One of them falls on his face while trying to climb down.
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Postby Pwnerade » Sun Sep 25, 2011 2:07 am

The Peach Reenactors - piltogg

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The Soviets run outside in order to claim the pizzas. 2 Almighy Bennies for Mother Russia!

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Meanwhile, the Germans all move down one floor from their original positions. Lt. Diesel decides to inspire his men with a rousing song.
The MG-42 on the second floor opens up on the construction workers. With some lucky rolls, all of the construction workers in the firing arc are killed. Lt. Diesel hits another one, but he survived. You should always wear your hard hat!

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The other machine gunner kills a banker lady and a motorist. His car is heavily damaged.
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Postby Pwnerade » Sun Sep 25, 2011 4:58 am

Civilians - Warhead

When I originally set this up, I planned on the civilians being NPC's, but I decided that giving them to Warhead would make things funnier. However, rather than them getting most of the Almighty Benny pizzas, since they start out holding them, I'm ruling that they can't redeem them. They're for the main factions to fight over. The civilians are still perfectly capable of causing mayhem, as you will see.

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The firefighters jumped into their trucks and prepared to move out. They took their pizza with them. The hikers are coming along for a ride. In a turn for the disgusting, the Dimmie with the pizza decided to sit down and wank on it. But he rolled a one, and was unable to unzip his pants. If he successfully completes his wankery, the pizza will turn into an Unmighy Penny and be given to the nearest player.

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The Xtreme sports punks manage to perform and Xtreme stunt! The trike uses the trunk of the car as a ramp, does a flip in the air, and then lands back on top of the car. EXTREME! The Xtreme footage in the video camera is now a Almighty Benny, like the pizzas. The cameraman picks up an Xtreme sword he found, and the other surviving punks go after more weapons.

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The remaining construction workers attempt to avenge their fallen comrades. One lunges into a window with a pickax. It doesn't kill the peach, but it does lock it in close combat. The crane operator grabs a steel beam and rams the wall with it, breaking some briks loose and nearly killing the peach with the Panzerfaust. He will have to spend the next turn undigging himself from the rubble.

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MacFinnegan, angered by the lack of moms, decides to take his anger out by kicking a peach. It's not very effective.

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The rappers start rapping to try and draw fire. The sluts go skanking up on them like hoe bitches. The German footballer kicks over the peach who checked out the blue building and took his buzzsaw. Another civvie grabs a trash can, the "superhero" is unable to yank a stop sign out of the pavement, and the green civilian starts singing.

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The popcorn man attempts to dump hot oil on a peach.

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He crit fails and dumps it all over himself, dying an excruciating death.

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"Mama-mia! You-a stole-a my pizzas! Prepare to die!" Weegee was unable to successfully kill Peach Solo with his pizza thingy.

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Sgt. O'Leary and the rookie run inside and try to kill a peach. The rookie's wild shots miss by a mile, and O'Leary hits him but doesn't kill him.

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The kids in the park, along with a pair of cults, engage the greens in vicious melee combat. Except all they manage to do is smear pizza sauce on their uniforms.

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The Dungan throws the smaller of his "dods of shit" at a green rifleman. It leaves a big smear on his shirt and then lands on his feet. He is so grossed out that he will be at a -1 to skill until he washes himself off in some water.

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The pic-a-nicers go offer their pizza to the polar bear.

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The bear takes the pizza, and his hand along with it!

I now realize that I totally fail at keeping a consistent verb tense.
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Postby Pwnerade » Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:41 am

Review shots:

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More/better/fucking huge photographs available upon request.

Yellow Reenactors
Kills: 6 civilians and a frog

Peach Militia
Kills: 1 civilian
Bennies: 2

Peach Reenactors
Kills: 6 Civilians
Bennies: 2

Greens
Kills: 2 Clones

Send in your orders for turn 2! I will probably do it next weekend.
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Postby BFenix » Sun Sep 25, 2011 7:06 am

Old school Lego cars ftw! Nice battle, glad it got revived and the scenario is really classy and full of possible mayhem combinations, good job! 8)
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Postby Silverdream » Sun Sep 25, 2011 9:51 am

Very nice bro. Although it's missing one thing, the kill/bennies list of the civilians.
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Postby Tea Spork » Sun Sep 25, 2011 1:03 pm

Haha, that was awesome.
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Postby piltogg » Sun Sep 25, 2011 5:01 pm

orders in.
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Postby Pwnerade » Sun Sep 25, 2011 8:21 pm

Here's a couple things that I forgot to feature:

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A Dimmie struggles to get past the railroad cars in order to assist the other Dimmie with his wankpizza (this was all Warhead's idea). A mummy shambles by.

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Old Man Higgins catches a fish!
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Postby *CRAZYHORSE* » Mon Sep 26, 2011 2:06 pm

Oke, so who is going to help me make that spare fire truck into a suicide bomb?

Also: Orders in.
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Postby piltogg » Wed Sep 28, 2011 4:24 pm

whoever doesn't have orders in.... go get orders in.
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