Something I wrote

[Bragallot]

http://teano.deviantart.com/gallery/39624675#/d5ev5iz

[mgb519]

This is quite good. The main thing is that there are a number of sentences and phrases which could be better written.

the reply had come...his reply had come

Might consider rephrasing one of these for sake of word variety.

“The Horde has many enemies, neither of which will destroy them at their core any time soon if my knowledge is still reliable.”

I'm frankly not quite sure what you mean to say in this sentence.

“Not all of them are committed to fighting the Horde. (But) there are others, like the Humans who encroached upon their lands when their nation had only just emerged. The Kul’Tiras marines.”

The transition was a little confusing. See proposed change within.

so I overheard them to learn anything about

"Overheard" has a connotation of being an accident. You could still use it if you rephrased this, Like "I overheard a few humans talking about" or something like that. Otherwise, find another word.

So generally speaking, little changes like that. Otherwise, I approve of this piece. Are you working on a followup yet?

[Bragallot]

Thanks a lot for the feedback. No matter how much attention you pay it always takes others to point out these mistakes

I am indeed working on a follow-up. The first chapter is almost done (about 20 pages in word right now) and the summary of the plot is written out. Once it's done I'll try to publish it and if I can't do that I'll just post it on the internet. It's a chance in a million since as an added difficulty it obviously takes place in the Warcraft universe so I'll need special permission, but hey, you won't know if you don't try right

[Bragallot]

I'm on chapter IX now.