Assault on Goatse Bunker
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RagnarokRose
- u a MILLION wus and only then shall you become the MISTRESS
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RunsWithLegos
- Official Duck
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- Joined: Mon Apr 19, 2010 6:45 pm
- Location: Boston, MA, USA
RunsWithLegos wrote:how's the next turn going lord stub hawk?
I swear, next time I do a forum battle, no one with the "n00b" banner gets in.stubby wrote:I'm traveling around the country for the next several days and intermittently throughout the month, so I'm out for the weekend and I'm not going to be matching my earlier 100-turns-a-week pace for the next little bit. I should be back next weekend unless anything else goes wrong.
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RunsWithLegos
- Official Duck
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aoffan23
- You can nail me with your wood. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
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Fix'd.RunsWithLegos wrote:sorry, I did not see that/ forgot about it/am impatient and I need to see the next turn NOW because I'm in it so it has to go my way.
don't be so justifiably annoyed, it was a stupid question.
Spoiler
Show
Tzan wrote:I agree with Warhead.Quantumsurfer wrote:I generally agree with TzanWarhead wrote:I agree with QuantumSmurfer.
Good news everyone! Due to a death in the family, my trip was cut short. So here's a full round of turns.
Therefore you get a college fraternal organization, the Young Pyramidheads, starting to the left of the Gamma Corps.
Sounds good enough. You get the Boy Scouts, led by Scoutmaster Haken.
The Tanaris Rebels charge forward and put an Old Dude and Old Chick to the sword. The lead Rebel takes the Old Dude's cutlass as he falls, and now has two weapons.
The FELC immediately counterstrike. One shoves the dual-weapon Rebel into the lava and takes the two weapons for himself. The other also tries a shove but is less successful.
The FELC troops on the island want to take control of that machine gun, but there are too many Brittanians in the way. They shove the nearest one into the lava along with his sword.
Greedo runs across the bridge of Ewoks and stabs a Crazy Horse in the butt. The Horse is unharmed, but responds by kicking Greedo's head off.
As the rest of the Ewoks try to scurry forward, the two in the bridge and the one on top of the fence are all hopelessly tangled in barbed wire and spikes. Only C3P0 manages to get through (due to his metal body, no doubt) and grabs the sword from the sinking Brittanian.
The two remaining Old Dudes quickly grab some lava crust and build a makeshift plank.
Old Engineer: "By my calculations, I believe this plank will be long enough!"
Old Paper Salesman: "
!"
They drop the plank into the gap where it bonks an Ewok on the head.
Combining all their strength, the Steampunk Engineers are just barely able to lift their bridge out of the lava and set it up as a covering wall. They yell to the Girls, "No piggybacking, freeloaders! Build your own bridge!"
The Big-Boob Girls are pissed at this turn of events! All that boobshaking for nothing??
Luckily the Old Dudes aren't guarding their bridge anymore, so the Girls take over finishing construction.
The Brittanians are displeased by all the uncivilised heavy metal being played, and break into a Spice Girls dance number. "I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want (Beer)!"
Their dance moves are not powerful enough to kick the FELC troops into the lava, but the Brittanian on the fence is able to free himself from the barbed wire and climb in. The motion detectors on the bundles of dynamite fail to detect him.
He has reached the Beer!
BRITANNIANS HAVE THE BEER
It is only now that he realizes he's failed to bring any sort of tap to access the contents of the keg! He's going to have to carry it back off the field, to somewhere where he can gather the tools to open it in safety.
The Akkadians are pinned down in Close Combat, wrestling with one gunner and hitting the other with an axe, but to no avail.
The last Dimmy makes a heroic leap from the top of the machine gun into the Beer chamber. He cuts himself badly on the barbed wire on the way past, but survives, and once again the motion detectors on the explosives fail to go off.
BRITANNIANS AND/OR DIMMIES HAVE THE BEER
The Shitgoats turn against the Vol. One grabs the Disrupted Vol and rolls him straight into the lava, while another bashes another Vol's head in with a shitstick.
The Vol respond with a full-on attack, but are unable to pierce the thick protective blankets of shit.
As their bridge begins to sink, the Mandalorks hop on to the island.
"Well here we are, waugh."
"Waugh."
Brikians charge forward and kick the tank trap off the platform, but the wig-wearing Matey manages to Bail off of it in time. Another Matey isn't so lucky, as he gets stabbed in the back for 14 points of damage.
The two remaining Mateys shove a Brikian into the lava. But like the nearby Akkadian before him, the Brikian manages to barely survive the lava bath - with horrible burns and set on fire, of course.
"Did you not hear me GET OUTTA THE WAY!!!" The Necromancers continue charging forward, laying waste to everyone in their path. One Brikian manages to survive the onslaught, but another is annihilated. The Necromancers collect the severed heads of the corpses as they pass.
One Necromancer looks longingly back at the portable bridge they had been starting to build, but they are all so well-armed now that none of them have free hands to bring it with them.
Meanwhile the Naked DSMs continue Sprinting around the perimeter, finally reaching the base of the Mateys' platform. Behind them, four more Peach Raiders and four more of Sir Pablo's Men arrive, all woefully unarmed.
Pablo's Men's first objective is to arm themselves, so two of them push the armed Naked DSM into the lava. As that DSM dies, a third Pablo's Man rushes forward to grab the peesaber from his burning hand, and decapitate another DSM with it.
Four Blue DSMs start hauling bricks across the lava crust, following each other's footsteps to see where the lava is unstable. One breaks through and is lost; another is Disrupted. The fifth DSM, armed with a sword, plants it in a nearby Racist Stereotype, but fails to kill him.
The Faux News pundits spring into action; Glenn jumps for the fried-chicken-wielding Stereotype and bashes him in the face with his videocamera. The camera bounces harmlessly off the Stereotype's chrome dental grill.
Sarah grabs another Stereotype and tells him he's now a hostage don'tcha know. Ann flies into a rage, claiming that the Faux News crew is actually hostage to the Stereotypes due to some complex logical sophistry involving welfare funding, until Bill tells her to SHUT UP! and cuts her microphone. Bill tells the Stereotypes "Listen, you're going to be our slaves now. Life is better for you when you're slaves, you know it, I know it, regardless of what those clowns in the liberal media try to make you believe."
The Stereotypes are baffled and have no clue how to proceed. Being Stereotypes, they are largely illiterate, and for them even putting captions underneath a picture is enough to make both the captions and the picture IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND. It's hard to imagine what it must be like to be so COMPLETELY HELPLESS and MIND BOGGLINGLY STUPID, but that's the nature of stereotypes I guess.
The UNDF troopers grab their last remaining bodypart-projectile and move prudently out of range of the gunner.
The Metal Warriors are ENRAGED by the Brittanians' Spice Girls music, and decide to play the metal to end all metal. It is thought by doing so that the giant skeleton hands will spring to life and throw the horns, causing the middle finger to smash down and kill all the Jesuses all over again.
The head Metal Warrior has no Heroic Feats, so I decided to set a Difficulty of 12 (Godlike) for this attempt instead. He rolled a six! And then a five on the bonus die! Not quite a 12, but still enough to be beyond Heroic and into the realm of Legendary metal. (I didn't expect him to get anywhere near this close to success.) The other Metal Warriors are blown away by this epic performance and realize that he's not the normal minifig they thought he was, but an undiscovered Hero of Metal.
METAL WARRIORS HERO IS BORN
Metal Warriors now have the only Hero on the board; feel free to give him an appropriate Hero name.
The Vikings push a tank trap into the lava to use as a stepping stone, while the Red DSMs finish up their bridge. They all reach the gunner at the same time, but it's a Viking axe that finally puts an end to him.
The FALX troops grab loose bricks (and their leader's dropped sword) and run up onto the already-finished bridge. "Here you go! We're helping!!"
Seeing their chance, the two remaining Cosplayers run out and cut the bridge down. The whole structure drops into the lava, but thanks to some lucky Skill Rolls the FALX keep their balance. One of the Red DSMs lands directly on a spike and is killed.
Meanwhile, behind them, the Space Mall Cops prepare to toss one of their number across the lava.
Critical Fail! He splash-lands right in the moat, along with his nightstick.
The lead How Do I Shot Web Man has no interest in climbing through barbed wire, and decides to blow up the fence with the machine gun instead. Aiming at the nearest stick of dynamite, he fires like crazy and manages to hit everything except the dynamite. He takes out a section of fence, kills the Dimmy fighting over the Beer, and destroys a section of fence on the opposite side.
DIMMIES ELIMINATED
Those machine guns are not designed for accuracy.
The two dynamite packs next to the broken sections of fence detect a perimiter breach. KA-BOOM! The Beer-holding Brittanian is out of the radius of both explosions, but they manage to kill the gunner on the far side. A Crazy Horse is also hit, but takes no serious damage apart from being set on fire. The explosions mostly just cause property damage, breaking other sections of the fence even further.
Luckily, one of those destroyed sections of fence is next to another bundle of dynamite overlooking the Ewok bridge. Perimiter breach! KA-BOOM #3! The explosion kills the Crazy Horse, and the Ewok tangled in barbed wire above it. The nearby FELC and Brittanian survive, but the FELC troop is blasted over the edge along with the corpses of another Crazy Horse and Greedo. The corpses land on the Ewoks climbing up the side of the island, smashing them into the spikes they're climbing on and killing them.
The FELC trooper lands Disrupted on the back of the burned-up Horse skeleton next to C3P0, who's now the last remaining Ewok troop.
Most importantly, this explosion finally gets that Brittanian holding the Beer. He's killed and launched to the opposite side of the central pit; somehow this still fails to set off the motion detectors on the dynamite bundles. (Crap rolls on my part.)
BRITANNIANS NO LONGER HAVE THE BEER
The third explosion damaged another section of fence enough to set off yet another bundle of dynamite near the Akkadians, KA-BOOM #4! There's not much left nearby for the explosion to damage, but it kills the final gunner remaining on the island, and wounds the last remaining Crazy Horse with a point of Size Damage before setting it on fire. The Akkadian survives unharmed.
With the pesky fence out of the way, the two other HDISW Men run up and pry the Maniac Beer from the Brittanian's cold dead hands.
THE HOW DO I SHOT WEB MEN HAVE THE BEER
Like the Brittanians, the HDISW Men have the crushing realization that they too forgot to bring a tap for the keg, and will have to transport the Beer off the edge of the battlefield to open it.
Gamma Corps has no more time to screw around. The swordsman beheads the Yoda gnome; another Corpsman picks up the Yoda's body and tries to hit a Space Commie with it. He misses, but sets the Commie up for a shove from a third Corpsman, and into the lava he goes. But he survives! With horrible burns and set on fire as usual, but the Space Commies are now the third team to have a minifig survive a lava dunking.
Two Corpsmen in the back continue extending their makeshift bridge.
The Ninjas and Yodas follow suit, grabbing bricks and building their respective bridges inward. No orders for the Commies, so they're not doing anything this time around.
Only one gunner left, and he's stuck on the inner ring trying to shove an Akkadian. He fails.
That's everyone who sent in orders, so that's what a full round looks like. Things are getting exciting! Ready for new orders from everybody.
Who do you think you are, IVhorseman? No, we all know how your team is going to turn out, no matter what type of troops I give you.my floppy penis wrote:/r/ing a stoner team.
Therefore you get a college fraternal organization, the Young Pyramidheads, starting to the left of the Gamma Corps.
Ham701 wrote:Now that those Foxy News types are on the field, I request something related to Nazis.
Sounds good enough. You get the Boy Scouts, led by Scoutmaster Haken.
The Tanaris Rebels charge forward and put an Old Dude and Old Chick to the sword. The lead Rebel takes the Old Dude's cutlass as he falls, and now has two weapons.
The FELC immediately counterstrike. One shoves the dual-weapon Rebel into the lava and takes the two weapons for himself. The other also tries a shove but is less successful.
The FELC troops on the island want to take control of that machine gun, but there are too many Brittanians in the way. They shove the nearest one into the lava along with his sword.
Greedo runs across the bridge of Ewoks and stabs a Crazy Horse in the butt. The Horse is unharmed, but responds by kicking Greedo's head off.
As the rest of the Ewoks try to scurry forward, the two in the bridge and the one on top of the fence are all hopelessly tangled in barbed wire and spikes. Only C3P0 manages to get through (due to his metal body, no doubt) and grabs the sword from the sinking Brittanian.
The two remaining Old Dudes quickly grab some lava crust and build a makeshift plank.
Old Engineer: "By my calculations, I believe this plank will be long enough!"
Old Paper Salesman: "
!"They drop the plank into the gap where it bonks an Ewok on the head.
Combining all their strength, the Steampunk Engineers are just barely able to lift their bridge out of the lava and set it up as a covering wall. They yell to the Girls, "No piggybacking, freeloaders! Build your own bridge!"
The Big-Boob Girls are pissed at this turn of events! All that boobshaking for nothing??
Luckily the Old Dudes aren't guarding their bridge anymore, so the Girls take over finishing construction.
The Brittanians are displeased by all the uncivilised heavy metal being played, and break into a Spice Girls dance number. "I'll tell you what I want, what I really really want (Beer)!"
Their dance moves are not powerful enough to kick the FELC troops into the lava, but the Brittanian on the fence is able to free himself from the barbed wire and climb in. The motion detectors on the bundles of dynamite fail to detect him.
He has reached the Beer!
BRITANNIANS HAVE THE BEER
It is only now that he realizes he's failed to bring any sort of tap to access the contents of the keg! He's going to have to carry it back off the field, to somewhere where he can gather the tools to open it in safety.
The Akkadians are pinned down in Close Combat, wrestling with one gunner and hitting the other with an axe, but to no avail.
The last Dimmy makes a heroic leap from the top of the machine gun into the Beer chamber. He cuts himself badly on the barbed wire on the way past, but survives, and once again the motion detectors on the explosives fail to go off.
BRITANNIANS AND/OR DIMMIES HAVE THE BEER
The Shitgoats turn against the Vol. One grabs the Disrupted Vol and rolls him straight into the lava, while another bashes another Vol's head in with a shitstick.
The Vol respond with a full-on attack, but are unable to pierce the thick protective blankets of shit.
As their bridge begins to sink, the Mandalorks hop on to the island.
"Well here we are, waugh."
"Waugh."
Brikians charge forward and kick the tank trap off the platform, but the wig-wearing Matey manages to Bail off of it in time. Another Matey isn't so lucky, as he gets stabbed in the back for 14 points of damage.
The two remaining Mateys shove a Brikian into the lava. But like the nearby Akkadian before him, the Brikian manages to barely survive the lava bath - with horrible burns and set on fire, of course.
"Did you not hear me GET OUTTA THE WAY!!!" The Necromancers continue charging forward, laying waste to everyone in their path. One Brikian manages to survive the onslaught, but another is annihilated. The Necromancers collect the severed heads of the corpses as they pass.
One Necromancer looks longingly back at the portable bridge they had been starting to build, but they are all so well-armed now that none of them have free hands to bring it with them.
Meanwhile the Naked DSMs continue Sprinting around the perimeter, finally reaching the base of the Mateys' platform. Behind them, four more Peach Raiders and four more of Sir Pablo's Men arrive, all woefully unarmed.
Pablo's Men's first objective is to arm themselves, so two of them push the armed Naked DSM into the lava. As that DSM dies, a third Pablo's Man rushes forward to grab the peesaber from his burning hand, and decapitate another DSM with it.
Four Blue DSMs start hauling bricks across the lava crust, following each other's footsteps to see where the lava is unstable. One breaks through and is lost; another is Disrupted. The fifth DSM, armed with a sword, plants it in a nearby Racist Stereotype, but fails to kill him.
The Faux News pundits spring into action; Glenn jumps for the fried-chicken-wielding Stereotype and bashes him in the face with his videocamera. The camera bounces harmlessly off the Stereotype's chrome dental grill.
Sarah grabs another Stereotype and tells him he's now a hostage don'tcha know. Ann flies into a rage, claiming that the Faux News crew is actually hostage to the Stereotypes due to some complex logical sophistry involving welfare funding, until Bill tells her to SHUT UP! and cuts her microphone. Bill tells the Stereotypes "Listen, you're going to be our slaves now. Life is better for you when you're slaves, you know it, I know it, regardless of what those clowns in the liberal media try to make you believe."
The Stereotypes are baffled and have no clue how to proceed. Being Stereotypes, they are largely illiterate, and for them even putting captions underneath a picture is enough to make both the captions and the picture IMPOSSIBLE TO UNDERSTAND. It's hard to imagine what it must be like to be so COMPLETELY HELPLESS and MIND BOGGLINGLY STUPID, but that's the nature of stereotypes I guess.
The UNDF troopers grab their last remaining bodypart-projectile and move prudently out of range of the gunner.
The Metal Warriors are ENRAGED by the Brittanians' Spice Girls music, and decide to play the metal to end all metal. It is thought by doing so that the giant skeleton hands will spring to life and throw the horns, causing the middle finger to smash down and kill all the Jesuses all over again.
The head Metal Warrior has no Heroic Feats, so I decided to set a Difficulty of 12 (Godlike) for this attempt instead. He rolled a six! And then a five on the bonus die! Not quite a 12, but still enough to be beyond Heroic and into the realm of Legendary metal. (I didn't expect him to get anywhere near this close to success.) The other Metal Warriors are blown away by this epic performance and realize that he's not the normal minifig they thought he was, but an undiscovered Hero of Metal.
METAL WARRIORS HERO IS BORN
Metal Warriors now have the only Hero on the board; feel free to give him an appropriate Hero name.
The Vikings push a tank trap into the lava to use as a stepping stone, while the Red DSMs finish up their bridge. They all reach the gunner at the same time, but it's a Viking axe that finally puts an end to him.
The FALX troops grab loose bricks (and their leader's dropped sword) and run up onto the already-finished bridge. "Here you go! We're helping!!"
Seeing their chance, the two remaining Cosplayers run out and cut the bridge down. The whole structure drops into the lava, but thanks to some lucky Skill Rolls the FALX keep their balance. One of the Red DSMs lands directly on a spike and is killed.
Meanwhile, behind them, the Space Mall Cops prepare to toss one of their number across the lava.
Critical Fail! He splash-lands right in the moat, along with his nightstick.
The lead How Do I Shot Web Man has no interest in climbing through barbed wire, and decides to blow up the fence with the machine gun instead. Aiming at the nearest stick of dynamite, he fires like crazy and manages to hit everything except the dynamite. He takes out a section of fence, kills the Dimmy fighting over the Beer, and destroys a section of fence on the opposite side.
DIMMIES ELIMINATED
Those machine guns are not designed for accuracy.
The two dynamite packs next to the broken sections of fence detect a perimiter breach. KA-BOOM! The Beer-holding Brittanian is out of the radius of both explosions, but they manage to kill the gunner on the far side. A Crazy Horse is also hit, but takes no serious damage apart from being set on fire. The explosions mostly just cause property damage, breaking other sections of the fence even further.
Luckily, one of those destroyed sections of fence is next to another bundle of dynamite overlooking the Ewok bridge. Perimiter breach! KA-BOOM #3! The explosion kills the Crazy Horse, and the Ewok tangled in barbed wire above it. The nearby FELC and Brittanian survive, but the FELC troop is blasted over the edge along with the corpses of another Crazy Horse and Greedo. The corpses land on the Ewoks climbing up the side of the island, smashing them into the spikes they're climbing on and killing them.
The FELC trooper lands Disrupted on the back of the burned-up Horse skeleton next to C3P0, who's now the last remaining Ewok troop.
Most importantly, this explosion finally gets that Brittanian holding the Beer. He's killed and launched to the opposite side of the central pit; somehow this still fails to set off the motion detectors on the dynamite bundles. (Crap rolls on my part.)
BRITANNIANS NO LONGER HAVE THE BEER
The third explosion damaged another section of fence enough to set off yet another bundle of dynamite near the Akkadians, KA-BOOM #4! There's not much left nearby for the explosion to damage, but it kills the final gunner remaining on the island, and wounds the last remaining Crazy Horse with a point of Size Damage before setting it on fire. The Akkadian survives unharmed.
With the pesky fence out of the way, the two other HDISW Men run up and pry the Maniac Beer from the Brittanian's cold dead hands.
THE HOW DO I SHOT WEB MEN HAVE THE BEER
Like the Brittanians, the HDISW Men have the crushing realization that they too forgot to bring a tap for the keg, and will have to transport the Beer off the edge of the battlefield to open it.
Gamma Corps has no more time to screw around. The swordsman beheads the Yoda gnome; another Corpsman picks up the Yoda's body and tries to hit a Space Commie with it. He misses, but sets the Commie up for a shove from a third Corpsman, and into the lava he goes. But he survives! With horrible burns and set on fire as usual, but the Space Commies are now the third team to have a minifig survive a lava dunking.
Two Corpsmen in the back continue extending their makeshift bridge.
The Ninjas and Yodas follow suit, grabbing bricks and building their respective bridges inward. No orders for the Commies, so they're not doing anything this time around.
Only one gunner left, and he's stuck on the inner ring trying to shove an Akkadian. He fails.
That's everyone who sent in orders, so that's what a full round looks like. Things are getting exciting! Ready for new orders from everybody.
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ForlornCreature
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