Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

[Bluefog]

ZZZZTT!! *PWING!!* ZZZZTT!!





ZZZTT!!
Comrade JAM: Sonuvabitch! I'll kill you!!









BLAM!! BLAMMM!!!




Comrade JAM: RALLY TO MEE!!!!



ZZZTT!! ZZZZTTT!!! ZZZZZZZT!! ZZZZZT!! ZZZZZZT!! ZZZZZT!!!!

[Bluefog]

Comrade JAM: Shit, dino down, dino down... Don't worry, we got this!




Comrade JAM: BAAASSSTAAARRDDDSS!!



BAP!!



THOONNNK!!


ZZZZZT!!


Comrade JAM: FUCK!! That fuckin' hurt.
Jonah Hex: Gotcha covered boss.


Comrade JAM: You...


Comrade JAM: ...Stupid...


BAFF!!!
Comrade JAM: ...ASSHOLE!!

[Silverdream]

RIP Dino.

[Scratch]

Very well done fight scene, I'm loving it.

[SwedesInSpace]

i really love your army. and this thread.

[Bluefog]

Comrade JAM: Well Billy, I think this could be it. I've been really kicking some ass out there and I don't think the Phalek's can take much more man.
Billy Gibbons: Right on, man.


Comrade JAM: Still probably got a solid day left of fighting. I'm gonna go out and join the Melee Specialists for a bit.
Billy Gibbons: Right on, get the low down.






Meanwhile...

...else where on the battlefield things were going pretty well exactly how Comrade JAM predicted.






Mech Operator: Phalek bastards, you can't have my home!!

*flips visor down for dramatic effect*


BBBBZZZZZZZTTTTTT!!!


*CRUNCH*


ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTT!!


TTHHWWWAAACCKKKKK!!


***CRUNNNNCCHH!!**


------------



Boris n' Bruno: "in unison* AAAAATTTAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!
Melee Specialists *battle roars*


BOOM!!
Boris n' Bruno: One down...


STAB!


BBBBBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTT!!!


ZZZZZZZZTTT!!!


BLAAAAAAAAAARRRGH!


BBZZZZZTTT!!


CCRRRUUUNCH!!
Comrade JAM: Sorry I'm late, bros.
Melee Specialists: *glance at each other awkwardly*
Comrade JAM: Awesome... Awesome.... Good job all around. I came, I conquered... you guys were here too.



LATER THAT VERY DAY...




Comrade JAM: Phalek Zano I presume?
Phalek Zano: You presume correctly, Comrade JAM.
Comrade JAM: Have you come to surrender?
Phalek Zano: Yes, please allow myself and the four remaining Phaleks safe passage from Enclo3. I beg you.
Comrade JAM: The Phaleks I knew were a proud, dangerous and uncompromising race, but now look at you, reduced to begging.
Phalek Zano: Comrade JAM, you have not been made fully aware. We are on--


Domina Trixie: Let's just kill him.
Phalek Zano: ...
Comrade JAM: No, I accept his surrender, but my terms are that you five remaining Phaleks shall serve in my military until such time I deem your debt repaid.


Jonah Hex: Seriously boss?


Billy Gibbons: This is a tense situation, ya'll... you want I should liven it up?


Phalek Zano: Thank you, Comrade JAM, for allowing us to live. We shall serve you well in the ranks of your army.



In a bit...




Comrade JAM: Time for a lil' drinky poo.


Domina Trixie: You can't possibly trust a Phalek can you?
Comrade JAM: Sure, he was grateful. Give it a rest.


Comrade JAM: Phaleks could be an asset. We have so many enemies because I can't help but start shit with everyone.
Everyone: We noticed.


Comrade JAM: Ahh weapons, how I love killing people with you.


Comrade JAM: Looks dudes, I just got this made. I call it the Oct-dent. You know, it'd be a trident but there are eight s-
Jonah Hex: Yeah, we get it... Christ.
Comrade JAM: Anyway, guys, this thing empowers me, I'm gonna go pick a fight.

[Quantumsurfer]

There are so many neat constructions in this thread. And you do fight scenes really pretty well.

[Bluefog]

Comrade JAM: In just a few minutes everyone will be here and the meeting will take place.


Domina Trixie: This better bloody well be important.


Jonah Hex: Are you seriously going to trust them floatin' trash cans?
Comrade JAM: Our depleted numbers don't lie, Jonah. We are but a small group, now somewhat smaller.
Jonah Hex: Well, ya got me there boss, but I don't trust 'em far as I can throw 'um.


Billy Gibbons: I'm here. It ain't Texas but it'll do.




Comrade JAM: Billy, how are you? How's morale among my troops?
Billy: I'ma blues man so I'm always cool, but morale would be better if we didn't just invite our defeated enemy to join our army.
Comrade JAM: It makes us stronger.
Billy: Or does it make us weaker?
Comrade JAM: ...


Billy: They were our enemy, they tried to destroy or little shit backwater moon donated to us. Why would they do that?
Comrade JAM: Because of the job I did.
Billy: What job?
Comrade JAM: Top secret, classified, that type of deal. Got us paid though. I don't get it Billy, you were on board before.
Billy: Money ain't everything. I was on board 'til I saw your greed.


Domina: You're both such d-bags.


Double Dragon: *grunts*
Boris n' Bruno: Greetings and salutations, friends, the good Comrade.


Zarko the Necromancer: Thank you for inviting me to join your council, Comrade JAM.
Winged Horror: *nods in the direction of Comrade JAM*


Comrade JAM: Alright, thank you for coming. I know I call a lot of meetings and then drop heavy shit on you guys, sorry about that... well, I'm mostly sorry at least. Anyway, moving on, I'd like to thank you all for your participation in this war. Some of you may have heard that I in fact started this war. These are rumors, unsubstantiated, slanderous rumors. I'm a war hero, your leader and I'm pretty sure I could kick all your asses.
Jonah Hex: Think so do ya?
Zarko: My magic is a lot stronger than you think Comrade, I chose to fight with you but I would be more than your equal in battle.


Double Dragon: *growls angrily*
Comrade JAM: Alright, alright, everyone calm down... I got a bit carried away. Just please, stop talking shit.
Boris n' Bruno: First you add the enemy to our ranks then you insult us.
Comrade JAM: I can explain it all.
Boris n' Bruno: Please do.
Comrade JAM: I added them to the ranks to strengthen us. We are too few.
Boris n' Bruno: Due to a war you started.
Comrade JAM: Doing a job to earn enough credit to purchase food for an entire army.
Boris n' Bruno: And buy yourself a giant golden spear?


The guards stood ever vigilante though they were curious as fuck as to what was being discussed.


Comrade JAM: It's called the Oct-dent... and I deserve it I'm the war hero. I alone killed more Phaleks than anyone... I lead this army and we've lived on Earth 57 for 2 years, that's double the length of the last attempt and ten times that of the first attempt. I intend to keep us alive as long as it takes. doubt me if you must behind closed doors while council is in session, but no not discuss this matter with the troops or outside of this place and from this point forward any and all talk of mutiny shall be punished by death.

[motorhead fan]

Waht a load of bullshit, when I read this I am tempted to leave sci fi brikwars and go play medivo

Sorry if that was a bit violent, I am having a bad day again

[Silverdream]

^Motorhead's inner douchebag revealed.

Anyways, I thought this was really cool.

[motorhead fan]

So, do I not have the right to express myself? or to have a bad day? or to feel at all?

[Zahru II]

I don't wanna come off as a dick but this post is incredibly hilarious coming from a guy with the Dalek avatar.

[Scratch]

What you're not allowed to do is badmouth someone else's hard work in public because you disagree with it. If you have a problem with it, take it to them in private PM first. This isn't high school, show some restraint and self control about what you post, having a bad day doesn't have anything to do with your self control. If you disagree with someone's use of your Kanon, either talk to them about it or say "oh it's an alternate timeline" and ignore it. Honestly, if you get this worked up about how some guy half a world away portrays your pieces of children's plastic then you need to seriously re-evaluate your priorities. You're taking this far too seriously for a game played with lego bricks.

[stubby]

The better thing to do, IMO, is to make a counter-kanon thread of a bunch of Phaleks back at Phalek high command, laughing about how they tricked JAM into thinking they were easily defeated, all as part of a plot to place Phalek infiltrators inside the JAM army in pursuit of goals that JAM has no idea about.

"JAM IS EASILY TRICKED! INFILTRATE! INFILTRATE!"

"JAM INTELLIGENCE IS INFERIOR! CACHINNATE! CACHINNATE!"

"COMMENCE SECRET OPERATION 'THIS IS MY JAM!' INITIATE! MACHINATE! MANIPULATE!"

[Quantumsurfer]

Hahahahahaa. That was funnier than it had any right to be.