https://soundcloud.com/moeshit_terrorsh ... me/s-tuAHB Theme song. If you don't listen to it all you're a normie.
Episode 1
BrikEarth. A beautiful, blue world engulfed in constant war. Like any good minifig, the people of Brikearth fight and murder at the slightest provocation. In order to fully realize the minifigs' dream of wanton death and destruction the Aggressive Domination Unit was founded.
Led by The Commander, the ADU oversees all violence on the planet. It also dispatches agents to peaceful areas to stir up conflict, returning the minifigs there to their natural state.
One day, a strange UFO appeared in orbit around Brikearth.
"Citizens of planet Brikearth. Hi! As you may have noticed our ship is currently hovering above your lovely world. Our sensors indicate that for some reason all your beautiful people are murdering each other. We can't have that now, can we? How can we all respect each other with that kind of attitude? I am sending forces down now to help everyone calm down so we can get to know each other better. Once we've sat down and talked you'll realize that violence is never the answer. I'm looking forward to giving each and every one of you a big hug very soon! Bye bye!"
Inside the ship, Field Commander Vami approaches the throne room. "Oh boy! The boss called me down to hear another one of my famous stories! I'll have to think of a really good one. Maybe the Mittens story? Or the Snow Shovelling story?"
"Boss I'm here! Which story do you want to hear today?"
"Ah, Vami. You know I'd love to hear one of your long, drawn out stories that don't go anywhere but unfortunately we have a problem on the planet down below. They seem to be killing each other! I need you to go down there and stop them. Bring a squad of Funbots down with you and try to get them to calm down."
"Yes sir! We'll all sit in a circle and tell camp fire stories. Like the time I was at RoTC and our General, whose name I don't know so I'll just call him General General, told us to march to the ice cream store and--"
"Vami! Go now!"
"Yes, sir. Sorry sir. Going now..."
Meanwhile back on Brikearth...
"All right, men. This is it. These aliens have come to spread peace and joy all over the planet. Are we gonna let them!?"
"No, sir!"
"They probably want to talk about their feelings and make a drum circle! Are we gonna let that happen?!"
"No, sir!"
"Red, come in. This is The Commander. We're picking up some strange signals coming your way. Get ready."
"Hey, Red. I'm worried. What if the aliens make the world peaceful? How will we be able to murder at the slightest provocation? It goes against our very cluture and values."
"I know, sis. That's why we need to stop them here and now."
"Men, they're here! Charge!" The soldiers run forward, impaling and beheading themselves on the Funbots' swords.
"Well that failed miserably..."
"Run, Red! Run!"
"We're in trouble, Ruby."
"If we're going to die anyway there's something I want to tell you. You know how I always watch those cartoons with sisters who fall in love with their older brothers? Well--"
"Hey, you two over here! Quickly!"
"We're saved! What did you want to say, sis?"
"Nevermind..."
"Red, quickly come with me. Ruby you guard the door!"
"Toy sales on the ADU blasters are down... And it seems like the cosplay T-shirts aren't selling well either. We may be in trouble in Q4."
"Oh! Commander. And this must be Red!"
"Yeah this is him. Red, this is the Professor. He designed all of our equipment and he may be our last hope to repel these invaders."
"Red, was it? What a coincidence. I just finished a new power suit that will amplify your fighting abilities and for some reason I decided to color it red. Well not for some reason, really. Our marketing research shows that boy aged 8 to 11 respond to red more than other colors. I figured if the power suits took off we could sell T-shirts and action figures based on it and kids like red so--"
"Is there a point to this, Professor?"
"Oh, no not really. It's just that the ADU budget is tied directly to our toy sales and people aren't buying enough. That's why we're stationed in this old temple instead of a hightech floating base."
"Anyway, are you ready to see my creation? I give you..."
"The GrimDark mk.2 power suit!"
"GrimDark?"
"Sure, according to market research boys aged 12 to 15 will continue to buy toys made for kids if they have enough edginess. In a recent survey we found that teens respond well these sort of names. I thought Suicide Squad would be good but that one was already taken so, GrimDark it is."
"I barely understand what you're talking about."
"It doesn't matter. Anyway I want you to put on the suit."
"Okay do you have a locker room or something?"
"You don't need to locker room! Just hold your hand in the air and shout 'GrimDark Transformation!' and the suit will transport onto your body. Go on, try it."
"This is stupid. Why don't I just put it on by myself? Whatever, GrimDark Transformation!"
"It worked! We'll use codenames while you're out fighting. From now on you'll be called GrimDark Red."
"But my name is actually Red..."
"That's why it's a perfect codename! No one will think we're stupid enough to use your real name as a codename."
"All right, you're suited up so time to move out. I'll provide back-up support from here."
"I can move much faster in this suit. And I feel stronger! This is getting exciting."
"Hello, new friend. Would you like to hear a story?"
"Fuck off, alien."
"Well that's not very trianglist of you. Funbots! Restrain him so he can listen to my awesome story!"
"Let's see how strong this suit really is..."
"What comes up must..."
"Go down! All right. Hey, Professor, does this thing have any weapons?"
"Glad you asked. Hold out your hand and shout 'GrimSaber to transport your sword."
"GrimSaber!"
"Remember, Funbots. Only fight him one on one. We need to be honorable opponents and respect that fact that he's fighting us by himself. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for what's right. I should know. One time when I was still living in Alaska..."
"Man, this guy doesn't shut up does he? Hey Prof, anything I can use against multiple foes?"
"You can summon the GrimBlaster in the same way you summoned the GrimSaber (both in stores now, kids!)"
"What is this, a toy commercial? Forget it! GrimSaber!"
"Hey, GrimDark Red! You need to use both weapons evenly so kids will buy both!"
"Let me try something here. GrimSaber Transformation! Big Fucking Sword mode!"
"Now we're talking!"
"Big..."
"...fucking..."
"...sword..."
"...attack!"
"Now to take care of the boss."
"...and that's why I always brush my teeth twice a day." Vami looks around. "Hey! Did you listen to my story at all?"
"No one wants to hear your boring ass story. Let's fight!"
"While we're locking blades I'll tell you about the time I was 5 and I broke all my dad's computer equipment."
"Oh god... GrimSaber Final Slash!"
"My story!"
"I think this is the part where you curse my name and explode, dude."
"I gotta get out of here. I thought only my sister could beat me up! I need to report this!"
GrimDark Red sighs in relief. "That took a lot out of me."
Back at base...
"You did a great job, Red."
"Thank you Commander."
"I am impressed, Red. Although I didn't want you to access the BFS mode until Fistmas. Now I need to invent another new toy, err weapon, before Q3."
"Onii-chaaaaaaan!"
Ruby knocks Red to the floor. "I was so worried about you, Red! Are you ok?"
"I'm fine, sis. Knock it off."
"But Red, I thought you were a goner. And then I wouldn't be able to re-enact Oreimo with you..."
Everyone laughs as the day is saved by GrimDark Red.
Meanwhile, in space...
"Sir, I was unable to restrain the one in red. He's far stronger than anything we could have imagined. I'm ready to take responsibility. Just like that one time when I broke all my dad's computer equipment when I was five and--"
"Vami, it's all right. You couldn't have known their technology was that advanced. We'll need to call for reinforcements."
"It seems like these Brikearthians won't go down without a fight. I swear by my awesome chrome sword that I will beat them into submission and then kiss all their boo-boos. Or my name isn't Silverdream, White Knight!"
To Be Continued...
lol j/k
