Assault on Goatse Bunker

[OREMAWESOME1234]

Give him a team of crippled minifigs with out legs, that have to crawl!

Or a team of rocks, yah! rocks very effective for other teams to throw with.

What? is this because i'll beat your team to kingdom come

[*CRAZYHORSE*]

"to kingdom come"
What the hell does that mean?

[Keldoclock]

To the ends of the earth,

He's saying he'll whoop your ass so hard that the ass-whupping will travel across your genealogy and kill the Queen of Britain.

[*CRAZYHORSE*]

He likes SM eyh. Well bring it on then.

[Warhead]

More like it's the trianglists way of saying until Ragnarok.

[OREMAWESOME1234]

To the ends of the earth,

He's saying he'll whoop your ass

thats what I meant, except no genocideing britain

[RagnarokRose]

Yeah... wimp way to hide it though. What, was that a strong sentence for you? 'Cause when you get here, I'll kick your puny ass to the Rift in the Edge of Time and leave you for Morgoth and his pet Hellhounds of La'ore!

[stubby]

Once again the lead Akkadian ignores the irrelevant Orks and uses the sinking tank trap to hop over to the island. He climbs up next to the turret barrel, too close for the guard to aim it at him.

The rescued Akkadian isn't so generous, and plants an axe in the back of the Disrupted Ork. Somehow this fails to kill it.



As the Brikians sprint over, Sir Pablo's Men and the Mateys exact revenge on the Peach Raiders. Although lacking weapons, a Matey whacks the Raider on the bridge with a brick, which is enough to distract him while the other two Mateys shove him in the lava. Success!

Pablo's Men don't do as well. One runs over to grab a knife from the burning Matey in the lava, but ends up falling in the lava himself. The chainblade-armed Man sprints over to Charge the Raider, but rolls too low and comes up an inch short. The final sword-armed Man misses his attack, and the unarmed Raider knocks him over with a Shove.



Meanwhile, the Dimmy who kicked the tank trap over turns to his fallen companions. "Other-Dimmies! NOOOOO!!!!"

But of course they're fine, they just fell over last turn when they slipped.



The Dimmy hops across on the tank trap, while the other two pick themselves up and hop onto it. The Shitgoats carry their wall further forward, although one of them falls into the lava. The Orks are more scared of the machine guns than the strangely ineffective Akkadian axeman, so they ignore him and start building a wall to hide behind. A Matey retrieves the fallen knife, while the last surviving Raider tears ass out of the area.



His cowardly flight does him no good. "Traitorous raider! An example must be made!" say the Necromancers, and attack him with sword and axe. No good - the axe hits but fails to kill him.



The mace-armed Necromancer isn't close enough to join in the attack, but he is close enough to attempt a Charge - he slams into the Raider and knocks him all the way back to lie at Pablo's Men's feet.



At the Ewok Bridge, Oremawesome's Tanaris troops and RJ's Bluran Rebels have arrived to find a major standoff is taking place. The FELC and Ewoks are creating a defensive line on the fingers while Greedo destroys the bridge to prevent anyone else from following.

"That's all right then," say the ever-reasonable Brittanians, "we'll just go around to the right. No need to violate another man's bridge, our horses can make the leap."

Meanwhile, a rumor is circulating among the Old Dudes that there will be a buffet along with the Beer. Refusing to miss a buffet, they begin building a bridge of their own to the fingers. Nearby, the Steampunk Engineers start a bridge of their own.

The Big-Boob Girls lose interest and start heading off the field.



Just kidding, they were lining up for a Charge attack on the Old Dudes who ruined their topless revue. Bam! Three of the Old Dudes go flying. One of them falls into lava and is burned up.



"All right horses, let's go around to the right, I have a cunning plan involving teabags BLOODY HELL!" the Brittanians forgot that their horses are Crazy. The Crazy Horses Charge forward in a stampede, trampling and knocking aside everyone in their way. I think it took 28d6 for me to roll out all the MOMs and POPs and get everyone landed in the right spots.

Amazingly, none of the victims are killed, even the Ewok knocked all the way over the island to get tangled in the barbed wire on the fence manages to just barely survive. Two FELCs also land on the island, though they now have Crazy Horses standing on top of them. Sadly, one of the Crazy Horses misses his jump and impales itself on the spikes ringing the island, killing it.



The two armed Brittanians make the best of their situation, striking at Greedo and one of the island guards. Both attacks hit, but neither is fatal.



Angry that the Yodas got there first, The Ninjas move in to secure the McNinja bridge. The two armed Ninjas try to knock out the Yodas still on shore, but fail. Three Ninjas take up posts blocking the base of the bridge.



The unarmed Yodas try to Shove away their Ninja attackers, only one succeeds. Another Ninja tries to stop him as he runs past, but misses. The Yoda makes a run for the McNinja bridge as it pulls away with the other Yodas, but he's too slow.

The knocked-out McNinja realizes he isn't dead, and sits up, while the now unencumbered McNinja bridge quickly pulls itself over to the inner ring. This goes flawlessly except for the last McNinja in the line, who has no one to hold him up when he falls through the lava.



The two surviving UNDF are enraged, and they throw their sword at the nearby gun turret. A crit-fail on the roll means they just throw it into the lava. They give up and run towards the fingers.

The fallen Natalya picks herself up and grabs the energy sword from the dead Natalya Commando. She whacks the knife-armed Spidey with it; he Parries. It distracts him from the Natalya behind him, who pushes him into the open lava nearby. She takes his knife as he screams in pain.

The Jesus clones, meanwhile, have been using their carpentry skills to build a narrow bridge. The lead Jesus chastises the Spidey: "My child! You should have turned the other cheek." He whacks him with his carpentry hammer. It's too late; the Spidey was already dead anyway.

The remaining Spideys carefully climb their way through the deadly blades sticking out of the island. Two are able to climb through, the other two have trouble and are still stuck in the blades. Behind them, their stepping stones sink into the lava.

The Metal Warriors come Sprinting up behind the Jesuses, and the FALX continue building their own bridge, angry that none of the slaves are helping them. The Red DSM reach the inner rim and start building a bridge across. The Vikings continue carefully forward; one trips, and another grabs the fallen axe from the group of Vikings that came before.



Gunners' turn! The northwest gunner is locked in Close Combat with a Brittanian and can't operate his gun. I forgot to give them hand-to-hand weapons like I'd meant to, so all he can do is try and shove the Brittanian into the lava - his attempt fails.

The southwest gunner has an unarmed Akkadian and Dimmy breathing down his neck, but the Crazy Horses look like the bigger threat - he opens up on the group of them. The nearest Horse and its rider are killed.

The southeast gunner takes aim at the Spideys climbing up onto the island. He kills one and misses the other.

The northeast gunner had a gun jam last turn, so he's stuck reloading for this turn.

All right, that's all the orders I've got, except for Tuefish who wants to be added. Ready for new orders.

[Moronstudios]

I see it is time to discard safety.
FULL SPEED AHEAD!

[stubby]

Can I climb up through the barbed wire unharmed?

With barbed wire you get to choose: -1d6" Move if you're careful, or 1d6 Damage if you're not.

[Sloopofwar]

I see it is time to discard safety.
FULL SPEED AHEAD!

Indeed, except I'm doing it with a certain piratical flair.

[Natalya]

Awesome my cosplayers finally killed someone.

[MasterEcabob]

Doh, I knew that attempt was going to crit fail or something. Oh well, worth the try. I guess its time to regroup for now...

[*CRAZYHORSE*]

Wow my horses are doing great!
They will get that beer!

[ForlornCreature]

Don't count on it crazyhorse, you'll be jinxed.
Also, can the minifigures grab dice from that bunch and use them as weapons of immortal apocalyptic uber destruction rolling death boulders? Cause if fudge lets me, I want to. Dumbest idea ever.