ORK!

Post by **knolli** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 3:56 pm

The grunks never have eaten anything as tasty as the food here. You don't know why, but the shaman suddenly says: "Grunk right. Eat brain make ork smarter. Every ork know. But only if brain be from worthy enemy you kill. That only be dog brain. Wanna try some of these?" The shaman asks and hands Torque the plate with the vegetables. Beans, broccoli, onions, carrots and more.

Post by **Keldoclock** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 4:41 pm

HOLY CRAP MIKE HE CAN READ MY MIND!

Post by **Scottsman** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 7:05 pm

"So, eat crafty, be crafty..." I bite off the Gardenbobbit's head and eat it.

Post by **lawmaster** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 7:31 pm

Pork no eat stuff pork sense that shaman no like torque so shaman do bad bad thing

Post by **enders_shadow** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 10:09 pm

Scottsman wrote:"So, eat crafty, be crafty..." I bite off the Gardenbobbit's head and eat it.

Didn't you die already?

Post by **SnakeMittens** » Wed Nov 02, 2011 10:21 am

Me eat everything except pork and broccoli. Pork can have pork. Me stomp broccoli into mud. DIE EVIL BROCCOLI DIE DIE DIE

If you're wondering about this:

knolli wrote:you always must fear broccoli.

Post by **Scottsman** » Wed Nov 02, 2011 4:47 pm

I'm the guy that killed me.

Post by **knolli** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:26 pm

Torque takes a bite from nearly every fruit and vegetable but the broccoli. That he thows into the mud and jumps up and down on it several times, screaming: "DIE EVIL BROCCOLI DIE DIE DIE!"
"SILENCE!" Gork shouts. "You think you clever. You think you something better. Have good manners. EEEW. But you are NOT! You weak! You coward! You no have honor. At least die with honor and EAT THAT BROCCOLI! EAT IT OR I WILL MAKE YOU EAT! NOW!"
Even if Torque were to resist, the results would be the same. As soon as he is chewing the first bite, his head explodes in a shower of bone and a little brain matter. Gork wipes the gore from his face and licks his fingers. He turn to face the five remaining grunks: "I hope - for you - you learn lesson. You want be ork? Then act like orc! And Allways fear broccoli!"

After a moments hasitation, the grunks start eating again. There is still plenty left. The Gardenbobbit doesn't even try to flinch when Spork jumps him and rips his head off. Instead his eyes show something like relieve in his last moments. The red blood splashes everywhere. The tent can't get any massier anyway. The old shaman looks slightly annoyed. "Me hope you like taste. You will bring me new Bobbit. Or you will be slave. Now eat."

After you have eaten to your hearts content Gork leads you to one of the big stone buildings in the center of the settlement. It seems to be the armory or smithy or something in between. The smith is a bulky ork with many scars and only one leg. He has a big hammer stuck in his belt. In front of him a pile of old rusty weapons and armor lies on the ground. Swords and hammers, axes of varous size, daggers and spears, bow and arrow, sling and stones. Wooden shields, bracers, studded leather, a metal breast plate with leather straps and even one old chainmail - fitting for a Bobbit and thus too small for the most of you to wear.
"Choose", Gork tells you.

+++++
The Game Master has every right to throw broccoli at any player character any time. The GM does not need to justify his actions. Call it devine punishent, if you want.
General advise: Don't get too emotionally attached to your character.

Sorry for the late reply. My PC died on me. I don't know when I will get a replacement. So don't kill me if things get a little slow from now on.

Scottsman wrote:I'm the guy that killed me.

True.

SnakeMittens wrote:If you're wondering about this:
knolli wrote:you always must fear broccoli.

Also true.

lawmaster wrote:Pork sense that shaman no like torque so shaman do bad bad thing

So true

@Snake: You may either play Big or a new grunk from the pit.

Post by **lawmaster** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 2:53 pm

Pork see bow and arrow pork think that with it he can shoot enemy and then steal stuff pork grab it. Then pork realizes how small he is pork know that small pork plus small chain mail equal strong pork. Pork grab the chain mail along with a dagger he slips in a secret apartment in the chain mail

Post by **Keldoclock** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:31 pm

1. I think you mixed up my orders with the shitgoat's.

2. Not even a save to resist? thats pretty lame, man.

3. There go my plans to build an alchemical siege engine

Post by **SnakeMittens** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:43 pm

Yeah, I'm Snork, not Torque.

If Snork has survived, me will take axe, sling, sum rocks, and the medal brestplate.

If not, who's Big?

Post by **Scottsman** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 5:25 pm

Me take sword. "You have rope?"

Post by **Silverdream** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 7:27 pm

Dork grab sling and stone and baby axe and armour.

Post by **Killer Karetsu** » Fri Nov 04, 2011 2:33 am

Dog take bobbit size chainmail and strap it to me head. Then me take a spear and a dagger. Then me ask for red paint, cos red unz go fasta!

Post by **knolli** » Fri Nov 04, 2011 8:17 am

SnakeMittens wrote:Yeah, I'm Snork, not Torque.

If Snork has survived, me will take axe, sling, sum rocks, and the medal brestplate.

If not, who's Big?

Uhm, seems to be true. I'm sorry, I didn't have my notes with me, so I messed up. As I said my own PC is out of order. I try pay more attention from now on. It doesn't matter whether Snork or Torque is the one doing the jumping, so I will not edit the text again.
The grunk named Big is the one I NPCed until now. He is the one who ended the brawl in the pit by heaving the Rock-rock.

Keldoclock wrote:1. I think you mixed up my orders with the shitgoat's.

2. Not even a save to resist? thats pretty lame, man.

3. There go my plans to build an alchemical siege engine

1. Yes, again I'm sorry. It won't happen again.
2. GM arbitrariness is part of the rules. Deal with it. If you insist: Gork commands you to eat. He rolls 3d20 on Leadership (Mojo): 24. You try to disobey. Roll 1d8. 7. You fail to disobay. You bite into the broccoli. Your head explodes. Roll (or rather pick) a new char.
3. We are playing ORKS! The only siege engine an ork would ever use is his own body. Using even simple mechanics contradicts your code of honor - and surpasses your intellect. If you told an ork to use his head to tear down a wall, he would charge at it head first. If you want ot play a cultivated, intellectual character, this is the wrong game for you.

+++++

The smith looks a bit suprised when Spork asks for a rope, but the shaman nods once, so he goes and fetches you a simple hemp rope.

"What you need paint for. You already red with blood", the smith answers to Dogs request. To Spork he asks: "You wanna do without armor? You brave. You survive you earn much honor. Maybe you one day become like me." He smiles and shows you a grinn full of gaps. You notice a scar running across his face from his left eye taking a part of his nose and lips and ending at his chin.

The one named Big grabs the biggest weapon he can find: An oversized warhammer. He also takes some hardened leather bracers.

Dork gets the baby axe, sling and studded leather armor he wanted,
Snork a small axe, the sling and the metal breast plate,
Spork the rusty sword
Pork the bow, a quiver full of arrows and a dagger
Dog the spear and dagger
There is only one chainmail. Both Dog and Pork claim it for their own but only Pork would fit inside. He is really small for an ork. Maybe he is still growing. How are you gonna solve this dispute?