Battle in the Chat: Pizza Edition FINISHED

[cleanupcrew]

Somewhere, on some planet, a pizza delivery man has blown his tire.

"Ah, shoot".


The scent of the delicious Italian delicacy soon reaches some nearby factions...

Bavaria: Silverdream


Trattoria: colette


USA: dilanski


Speartons + Rei: Scratch

[cleanupcrew]

Bavaria

The Bavarian knight swings his speeder around, targeting the Trattorian dread nut. His tiny machine gun fails to penetrate the dread's armor, however.


The fighter then launches a missile at the Trattorian officer.


...which then promptly lands near the squad, turning out to be a dud.


Frustrated by their vehicles' lack of success, the troops take the fighting into their own hands and fire at the Trattorians.


Two of them crit-fail, disrupting them, while another misses. Only one hit his target.


But he hit it well- Bavaria gets this battle's first blood.

[cleanupcrew]

Trattoria

The two dread nuts both move closer to the Bavarian flank.


The heavy dread fires point-blank at the Bavarian fighter, causing one point of size damage.


The remaining Trattorian soldiers return fire to the Bavarians. The officer crit fails and blows off her hand as a consequence.


The others rip through two Bavarians.

[cleanupcrew]

USA

The USA moves up, taking cover behind the pizza delivery car.


The USA soldiers take aim at the Bavarian speeder. The officer and one of his men crit-fail, although they both avoid injuring themselves.


The firepower from the four remaining troops is more than enough to rip apart the fragile speeder, however.


The tank also turns its mighty turret, aiming the main gun at the Bavarians...


...knocking off another size point from the fighter.

[cleanupcrew]

Speartons + Rei

The Speartons all sprint up as far as they can up the physics textbook.


Rei then decides to get on top of the King Spearton's shield.

The sniper missed a Trattorian, but I decided that wasn't worth a pic.

[motorhead fan]

are they speartons like those in the game stick war, or is the name just a coincidence being the same?

[cleanupcrew]

Bavaria

"You maggots. You mongrels. You cowards and worms! I'll crush you beneath the might of my heel!" the Bavarian knight announces


He then executes a sweet charge-jump attack...


...which succeeds in knocking a size point off the dread.


The super-agile Bavarian fighter, despite losing a few hit points, zooms over to the other side of the field, behind the USA tank.




The USA loses its external gunner.


Meanwhile, the disrupted trooper sets up some cover with the dead bodies of their comrades, while the other shoots and misses the Trattorian infantry.

[cleanupcrew]

Trattoria

One of the dreads tries to help his friend by blasting the Bavarian knight with its gatling gun, but the knight somehow survives.


The Trattorian infantry, meanwhile, decide to make use of their bayonets for once and charge at the Bavarian emplacement.


They manage to stab and slice the remaining Bavarian infantry.


The other troops take cover behind the pizza car. The officer is still writhing in pain from losing her hand, but she'll probably get better next turn.

[cleanupcrew]

USA

The USA tank swivels on its hover engines, muzzling its main gun at the Bavarian fighter to compensate for the loss of the gunner.


The fighter survives, although it loses another hit point. The glass on the canopy shatters from the impact.


The infantry circle around the pizza car, killing two of their Trattorian counterparts.

[cleanupcrew]

Speartons + Rei

The Speartons continue their charge on the pizza car.

[cleanupcrew]

Bavarians

The Bavarian knight back-flips off the dread...


When, by crit-failing his feat, he accidentally set off one of the dread's missile and launched it on a trajectory towards him, killing him.


The fighter meanwhile backs up and gathers momentum.


The pilot bails at the last minutes, taking a rifle with him.


The fighter is utterly destroyed, but the tank only sustains one size point from the whole affair. The pilot, now the last Bavarian unit on the map, is somewhere behind the Speartons.

[cleanupcrew]

Trattoria

Both dread nuts move up on the USA infantry. The heavy one fires two missiles while the lighter one sprays bullets with its gatling gun.


Needless to say, the USA troopers become a pool of nice chunky salsa.


The Trattorian infantry approach the pizza car, coercing the delivery man to come out with the pizza on threat of death.

[cleanupcrew]

USA

The USA tank backs up a little, gathering momentum...


...and the hard reality of tek level difference sets in.


While steamrolling over a squad of Speartons, the tank also fired its main gun at the dreads. Although it missed its original target, missed shots meant the shell ended up landing on the other dread nut, completely disabling it.


The officer and last infantryman aim their shots at a distant target.


Oh, it's another Spearton. If I was keeping track of kills, Dilanski would probably be winning.

[cleanupcrew]

Speartons + Rei

One of the Speartons executes the Bavarian pilot before stealing his gun. He misses the USA officer's redshirt, however.


Rei then uses an anime-girl acrobatics feat to leap off of the King Spearton's shield...


...into the gunnery seat of the USA tank. The king spearton and a redshirt follow her onto the tank.


She then manages to one-shot a dread nut with a hijacked missile.

[cleanupcrew]

Trattoria

The remaining two Trattorians aim at their respective USA counterparts.


Who both meet their end.