Last Stand of Valoros: A Battle in the Chat

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On March 9, G.R. 2014, the Empire of Valoros revealed itself to the brikverse.

Seeing a vast empire of 700 star systems defended by a small and uncoordinated military, the Trattorian Empire attacked.


The Empire of Valoros surrendered soon after the Trattorians invaded, in what became known as the Seven-Hour War. Although Valoros was allowed to retain its sovereignty, 600 star systems were stripped from its control. Of these, 50 were awarded to Trattoria and the remainder was donated to the Allied Nations Trusteeship Council.

Emperor Brikguy was not content to simply allow this to be, however, and ordered his entire armed forces and best intelligence agents to find a way to exact revenge. Such an opportunity soon presented itself...

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A Trattorian shuttle and its escorts fly over a Valorian planet.


CEO Ayanami: “The military is to spray BlueGene™ sterilization gas over the Valorian populace, am I correct?”
”Yes. This expenditure should hopefully raise revenue for BlueGene Incorporated in the fourth quarter. Our AIs predict an increase in investor confidence and...”


Pilot: “Damage taken to the starboard engine! This shuttle is no longer capable of flight!”
CEO Ayanami: “You imbecile! I thought I was guaranteed by the military that this area was free of insurgents!”

Down on the surface...

Agent Domino: “Your majesty, is the operation proceeding as you planned?”
Emperor Brikguy: “Indeed it is. I thank you for your service.”

Both of them watch the shuttle as it streaks out of the sky.


It crashes near the Valorian rebel base.

Overview:


Valorians (brikguy0410):
Objective: Capture CEO Ayanami

Trattorians (colette):
Objective: Protect the CEO at all costs.

[motorhead fan]

i could have played, had my mum not returned...

oh well, COME ON YOU TRATTORIANS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Brikguy0410]

Awsome mech dude

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Valorians

Emperor Brikguy: "Launch vulture fighters!"


Emperor Brikguy: "All forces in range, fire on that big fighter."

The big cannon misses, although the infantry squads and one vulture hit their mark.


Pilot: "Ah, dammit"

The Trattorian star fighter takes 3 points of damage.

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Trattorians

Both interceptors move up towards their automated counterparts.


They both launch missiles, dealing a size point of damage to each Vulture.


The starfighter swings arounds the battlefield, sidestepping the Valorian infantry's cover and aiming directly at them.


The pilot and his AI fire two missiles at the Valorians, to devastating effect. Nine infantry and a car are lost in the explosions, more than making up for the damage to the star fighter earlier.

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Valorians

Emperor Brikguy crouches, concentrating on the task before him.


He pounces over the star fighter, his beam saber oriented downwards.

Pilot: "Who the fuck do you think you are?"


"My name is Emperor Brikguy, leader of a people from whom you've stolen their lives and their land!"


The remaining infantry squad storms the shuttle's bay door, joined by a sprinting Agent Domino.


Combining their fire, they manage to take the door down, exposing the CEO.


The vultures fire on the interceptors.


Dealing two points of damage to one of them.

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Trattorians

CEO Ayanami: "Well this is your penitence for failing your academic work, now terminate those hostiles!"

Six Trattorian infantrymen storm out of the open bay door, guns blazing.


They manage to eliminate three Valorian militiamen.


Meanwhile, the interceptors ignore the Vultures in order to eliminate the hijacked star fighter.


Pilot: "What the???"

Having crit failed his skill roll, the pilot accidentally ruptures an engine.


The fighter crashes and is beyond recovery, but the pilot survives.


The other two fire missiles at the hijacked star fighter, but only manage to inflict a single point of size damage. Emperor Brikguy basks in the explosions.

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Valorians

Emperor Brikguy: "Vultures, truck cannon, fire everything at those interceptors!"


One interceptor sustains catastrophic damage, and begins losing altitude.


It careens into the battlefield, although the pilot is once again alive.


The militia sergeant double-wields his pistols and guns down two Trattorian infantry.


Robot Bodyguard: "Step aside"

The bodyguards preps an RPG and fires into the unbelieving Trattorians.


An explosion rocks the shuttle as every infantryman is eliminated. The Valorians safely stepped outside the blast radius.

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Trattorians

Bodyguards: "We believe it is time to abscond, madame CEO."
CEO Ayanami: "What about my diamonds?"
Bodyguards: "You have enough money to buy more. At the moment your survival is priority."

The CEO's two bodyguards escort her to the shuttle's onboard limousine, ordering the chauffeur to drive away from the battlefield as quickly as possible.


Agent Domino and the militia sergeant bail from the limousine's course.

CEO Ayanami: "You scratched the fender, you incompetent! I'm going to have you pay for that..."

The chauffeur and the bodyguards tune out the CEO's whining.


The limousine then turns to make its escape.


Meanwhile, one of the interceptors rams into the hijacked star fighter.

Pilot: "If I can at least kill you, maybe Valoros will learn its place in this galaxy!"


The star fighter finally goes down, along with the interceptor. Emperor Brikguy survives, but the fighter accidentally crushed a disrupted Agent Domino.

[stubby]

Emperor Brikguy was not content to simply allow this to be, however, and ordered his entire armed forces and best intelligence agents to find a way to exact revenge. Such an opportunity soon presented itself...

"Gentlemen.

In revenge for this aggression, we must resort to the most unspeakable atrocity ever conceived in Valoros history.

We will steal their pig."

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Valorians

Emperor Brikguy, feeling quite confident in his jumping/hijacking capabilities, crouches for a leap onto the limousine.


He crit fails his heroic feat, however, and instead lands directly in front of the limousine...


...which, due to surprisingly good (or bad, depending on your viewpoint) rolls, reduces Emperor Brikguy to bloody pulp and robot parts.


Robot bodyguard and the militia sergeant both aim for the tires, but fail.


The vulture droids switch to precision aiming, killing everyone in the car except for the CEO.

CEO Ayanami: "You asinine dolts got blood stains all over my hundred-thousand dollar dress! I'm going to litigate your derrières when I get back to Trattoria!"


Finally, the truck cannon aims...


...and surprisingly doesn't kill the CEO, inflicting three size points of damage on the limousine.

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Trattorians

All the pilots emerge from their downed interceptors, emergency firearms in hand.


They manage to take down a Vulture.


Meanwhile, the CEO speeds away and just reaches the edge of the map.

CEO Ayanami: "A Trattorian CEO driving herself, how disgraceful. There would be no end to the ridicule if the other CEOs found out. It'd probably lower the confidence of those finicky shareholders too..."

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Valorians

The remaining Vultures aim their guns at the Trattorian pilots.


Two of them die, reducing the Trattorian forces on the board to a grand total of one pilot and a CEO.


The militia sergeant and the robot sprint towards the limousine, overtaking it. The sergeant violently shoves the CEO to the side of the car, loudly declaring "Don't move, or I'll shoot."

CEO Ayanami: "You squalid yahoo! How dare you handle me like that! I'm the CEO of a major Trattorian corporation..."

Valorian Victory

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The robot bodyguard and the militia sergeant prepare to broadcast a message to the Trattorian Empire, holding the CEO of BlueGene Inc. for ransom in exchange for the return of 600 star systems.


Suddenly, a mysterious woman appears out of thin air, surrounded by an intense energy shield.

Sergeant: "Who the fuck are you? Are you one of them?"

"My name is Dr. Miriam Kruszewski, a Lab Director for the Trattorian Chemistry Department. Although the science department does not normally intervene in these mundane affairs, there is an object of considerable interest which is beyond your clearance to know located in a cluster of systems in your empire's space. We therefore propose a deal- we will return 300 of star systems back to your empire, and provide you with two doses of Trattorian Miracle Cure to revive and heal your Emperor and top agent. This is undertaken with the understanding, however, that these items are not to be resold or replicated, as such activity would violate international patent law. Trattoria enforces its patents- militarily. In exchange, you will unhand the CEO of BlueGene to me."

Sergeant: "Of course not! So many of my comrades died fighting for this, do you think..."

Robot: "We accept and will notify Emperor Brikguy of the deal upon his revival."

After accomplishing the deal, the scientist winked out of sight.