Rainbow War II: Jellybean Apocalypse: Grail War, Turn 1

[Vami IV]

Welp. Enjoy your thorough ass-kicking, shitlords.

Come at me bro.

[stubby]

Previous: Post 292036

SHADOW KNIGHTS
Player: The Shadowscythe



SHADOW COMMANDER: "Look lively, men! When those jellybeans reach the moat we'll give them a warm welcome!"

FIREBALL GUNNER: "You got it, boss!"




Heavy units start moving into position.



Dragons move up to patrol the walls.

[stubby]

DRAYKO THE DRAKE
Player: Vami IV



DRAYKO: Finally! Time to crush some rainbow scum! All right maggots, grab some scorpions and we'll send our knights off proper. Let's push this fancy scorpion magic to the limit!

GARRISON THUG: Wait! What's happening?

GARRISON THUG #2: The power of scorpions is transforming us! TO THE LIMIT!

The garrison thugs are transformed into . . .



THUG WHO IS NOW A GLAM ROCK GIRL: No! The change went too far! I believe in the power of scorpions, but I never asked to be turned into... this!

DRAYKO: Sorry! I know it sucks, but someone has to be the drummer!

• "It's early morning, the sun comes out
  Last night was shaking and pretty loud
  My cat is purring and scratches my skin
  So what is wrong with another sin?"

• "The Bitches are hungry, they need to kill
  So launch the Inches and heed their will
  More turns to come, new places to go
  We've got to leave, It's time for the show"

• "HERE I AM! ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE!
  HERE I AM! ROCK YOU LIKE A HURRICANE!"

The lava scorpion is inspired by the music and starts rocking Dogdu's cage like a hurricane.

DOGDU: As if the music wasn't vomit-inducing enough! Good thing I haven't eaten in days! In fact, you might say I'm hungry like the wolf!

LAVA SCORPION: What is wrong with you? That's not even a Scorpions song!




Instead of being inspired to kill jellybeans for the glory of VladTron, the Shadow Knights rise up in chorus and burst into their favorite song also!

• "So dutiful, our spaceship flies!"

• "Gott-dammerung made plain!"

• "Till Piltogg in his majesty
  above us all shall reign!"

• "Akkadia, Akkadia!
  BrikThulhu smiles on thee!"

• "Our Emperor, unmatched in war,
  receives our loyalty!"

Shadow Knights are now even more loyal to Piltogg instead of VladTron! (Scorpion Feat failed!)



DRAYKO: At least the Bitches know that we can rock!

FIRE WITCHES: No! These aren't - you thought these were lighters? Oh god, no!




DRAYKO: Fine! Screw you guys!

The garrison forces move up to defend the main gate.

[stubby]

BITCHES OF VLADTRON
Player: Butthurt



The Bitches immediately turn their backs and ditch the embarrassing scene.



The Fire Witches reach the gangplank and focus energy on the volcano. It's almost out of their range, but by combining their power they're able to cause a minor eruption. The Lava Scorpion is blasted away (no damage, immunity to fire/lava) and Dogdu's cage is set on fire.

DOGDU: Dance! Into the fire!

LAVA SCORPION: What is it with you and Duran Duran?

BECATE: Do you really like being called a bitch? Don't you think it's kind of ... degrading?

BIRCE: Bitch, no! Don't fall for the trap! We're reclaiming the word bitch! It's empowering!

BEDEA: Bitches, we must unite in our bitchtastic powers! No time for squabble now.

Next: Post 296468

[Silent-sigfig]

time to break out the Soviet Jazz

[piltogg]

Those space scenes are so cool! Like god you edited in lazerbeams and everything! The ANUS ripper is a pretty excellent name for a ship. Allthough I'm worried as Piltogg's ship contains a mildly circular outcroping.

[stubby]

Those space scenes are so cool! Like god you edited in lazerbeams and everything!

I should upload the full-res versions somewhere for desktops at some point.

Am I right in thinking this is our first example of SHIP vs SHIP combat?

The ANUS ripper is a pretty excellent name for a ship. Allthough I'm worried as Piltogg's ship contains a mildly circular outcroping.

And the Ripper is focusing all its energy on attempting to forcibly penetrate it; the portal ring won't hold out much longer. Blood is already pouring from the remains of the cultists' mystic starfish.

[cleanupcrew]

Those space scenes are so cool! Like god you edited in lazerbeams and everything!

I should upload the full-res versions somewhere for desktops at some point.

Am I right in thinking this is our first example of SHIP vs SHIP combat?

Epic Fleet Engagement in the CAID Sector between Stranians and 45th Union. There might be other examples floating around out there, but this is the one that comes immediately to mind.

[stubby]

Epic Fleet Engagement in the CAID Sector between Stranians and 45th Union. There might be other examples floating around out there, but this is the one that comes immediately to mind.

Damn, how did I forget about that. Good call.

[Vami IV]

Dammit, I delve into ancient musics and look what happens. Well, what's do the whole strategy meet again.

[BFenix]

That was

[Natalya]

Lol @ the Ripper.

[stubby]

Previous: Post 296008

L.V.S. RED MILES
Player: Scratch



SCRATCHBEARD: Yarr! A fight be brewing! Which means it's time to find some wenches for me zombie hearties!




SCRATCHBEARD: You four, go find some wenches!

ZOMBIE CREWMEN: ayyyyye ayyyyyyye

SCRATCHBEARD: Yarr. I mistrust their wench-seeking abilities.




SCRATCHBEARD: Ahoy! Bitches! Ye've been selected to entertain my men on an all-expense-paid ocean cruise!

(The Bitches conference briefly)

BITCHES: We proclaim Kal-if-fee!

SCRATCHBEARD: Kal-if-what now?

ZOMBIE FIRST MATE: neeerrrrrrd stuuuffffff

SCRATCHBEARD: What! Nerd stuff! No thank ye!




SCRATCHBEARD: Avast, Magikal Girls! Are ye looking for a good time? I've got a whole vessel full of undead seamen with your names on it!

AGNES: Are you insane?

HARRIET: Wait. A whole ship? Let's hear them out.

GLADYS: Do zombies even have functional equipment?

MEDUSA: Don't you worry, girls. I know how to stiffen them right up.

LORD VLADTRON: I can't believe I'm hearing this.




HARRIET: Fine. We're down, but this is going to cost you.

SCRATCHBEARD: Pleasure doing business! First mate, fetch me three and a half pieces of eight from the ship's coffers for the ladies.

ZOMBIE FIRST MATE: noooope

ZOMBIE SECOND MATE: weee'rre brooooke boss

SCRATCHBEARD: What!

MAGIKAL GIRLS: What!

LORD VLADTRON: What! Inexcusable!

MAGIKAL GIRLS: No deal!




SCRATCHBEARD: Blistering barnacles! This be extremely embarrassing!

The force of embarrassment reactivates the lust for treasure buried not very deep at all in Scratchbeard's reanimated zombie brain.

NEW RED MILES SECONDARY OBJECTIVE: find treasure!

SCRATCHBEARD: Bitches and Witches be damned! Me natural air of pirate authority will solve this problem.




SCRATCHBEARD: Ye there! Dockworkers! I need wenches for me crew! Be ye assisting of yon request!







Feat Successful!

[stubby]

L.V.S. BLACK INCHES
Player: lawmaster



CAPTAIN RADISKULL: Now's our chance to show up that maggotsack Scratchbeard! Thinks he's all fancy just because his meat hasn't rotted off yet! Full speed ahead! Fire all cannons at the bridge!




SKELETON CREW: Aye aye cap'n! Fire in the hole!

Before the skeletons can fire the cannons at the bridge of the Red Miles, magical electricity arcs through their bodies, causing them to jerk around like puppets and make sounds like a pile of marimbas falling down the stairs.

SKELETON CREW: No can do captain! The Pinkomancer magic prevents us from attacking Vladtron allies!

CAPTAIN RADISKULL: Not that bridge, you boneheads!




CAPTAIN RADISKULL: The castle drawbridge!

SKELETON CREW: Target out of range, captain! We can't even see it from here!

CAPTAIN RADISKULL: Then weigh anchor and bring us in!




Thanks to the Red Miles' delay for hunting wenches, the Black Inches is able to to pull out of harbor and smartly overhaul the larger ship, blocking her escape.

[stubby]

PINKOMANCERS
Player: Zupponn



The seven Pinkomancer Kultists begin their animation rituals as the dark elf scout keeps an eye out for any Stealthy invaders. A squad of seven skeletons emerges from the ossuary and moves towards the well-stocked weapons racks.




EVIL VIZIER: All right gentlemen, this is where the pink hits the pavement! We've made great strides in pinkomantic animation of the dead, but we'll need to up our game. Research! Research like the wind!

ARCANOMANCER: These pink power calculations! They're too complex!

EVIL VIZIER: Focus! Use the pinkest parts of your brain!

ARCANOMANCER: Of course! If you just carry the one and transpink the variables... the secret is to use pink physical objects to focus the pinkomantic energy!




PORTALMANCER: This seems to be an interdimensional portal, but it relies on science unknown to Medivo! Also it's totally busted!

EVIL VIZIER: Can the missing sciences be magically replaced somehow?

PORTALMANCER: I'm checking the tolerances... yes! Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic! This portal is advanced enough that we should be able to substitute between them!




PLANETARIUMANCER: I'm tracking the macroscopic interaction of pink energy with the psychoactive rotations of our planetary system, but the problem is too large to comprehend!

EVIL VIZIER: Try reflecting on the problem from another angle!

PLANETARIUMANCER: You're right! The pink energy plane doesn't exist within our universe, but alongside it, at a hyperbolic angle to the Nega-Negaverse!




PENTAGRAMOMANCER: I'm applying our knowledge to the Pink Pentagram - an artifakt is forming!




PENTAGRAMOMANCER: It's a rod! A throbbing pink rod with the power to tap into the pink plane and focus its energy!




PENTAGRAMOMANCER: I can't control it! It's going off!

DARK ELF GUARD: Wh-mmmmffff!!

EVIL VIZIER: Relax your mind! Align your thoughts with the pinkness!




PENTAGRAMOMANCER: Yes! Yes... you're right! It was my own overexcitement causing the uncontrolled spray. I can control the rod now.

RESEARCH SUCCESS

EVIL VIZIER: Good work, everyone!

DARK ELF GUARD: It's cotton candy! Delicious!


Next: Post 296518