Legislator Nakahara: Dr. Liang, you have been summoned today by the Trattorian Legislature’s Committee on Science to answer some questions regarding recent activity in the Science Department.
Legislator Nakahara: I’m Legislator Dr. Nakahara of the 5th District, chair of the Legislative Committee on Science, retired Department Chair of Biology, two-time Nobel Laureate, and Fields Medalist.
Dr. Liang: How in the entropy does a biologist win a Fields Medal?
Legislator Nakahara: The committee will be asking the questions, dear.
Legislator Nakahara: Today’s meeting was spurred by the rather unfortunate Mikoto incident that occurred a few days ago on this very planet, our homeworld. This is a matter of grave concern to all Trattorians, and we will comprehensively address this issue from all aspects.
Legislator Gudiseva: If I may ask the inaugural question, madame chair?
Legislator Nakahara: You are recognized, Dr. Gudiseva.
Legislator Gudiseva: I want to ask: why in Lavoisier’s name was Dr. Mikoto not only uncontained and unterminated, but allowed to roam freely through Trattorian society? Your reckless actions have directly caused the deaths of two Trattorian Citizens from this incident, including a CEO.
Dr. Liang: The Science Department has never before encountered a situation where a Trattorian Citizen was itself an anomaly. We have taken active measures to terminate vectors of memetic and cognitohazardous containment breaches, including Citizens, but this unpredecented legal quandary resulted in the recent loss of life. Trattorian Citizens, after all, are guaranteed certain basic constitutional rights, including the right to a fair trial.
Legislator Chang-Park: Then why do no records exist of the Science Department ever consulting with attorneys from the Legal Department? Inter-departmental rivalry aside, the Legal Department could have capably advised your scientists on how to handle the matter—you should have at least filed for an arrest warrant on Dr. Mikoto, and precedent exists, such as in the case Tagawa v. Trattorian Legal Department, for killing Citizens that pose an “immediate and imminent” threat to the nation.
Legislator Shiswawala: Be it further resolved, that the Science Department illegally created an entirely classified and unaccountable agency known as the Black Box Bureau. The committee was shocked after reviewing the BBB documents we subpoenaed. Your mandate was to discreetly terminate all anomalies in the BrikVerse, especially those that pose a threat to Trattoria. Instead, you undertook dangerous propositions containing and experimenting on potentially harmful anomalies. This is neither the Scythian Office of Naval Intelligence nor the Research and Artefact Recovery Commission—we would do very well to avoid the reckless risks and ensuing consequences that plague the above two organizations.
Dr. Liang: ...
Legislator Nakahara: Dr. Liang?
Dr. Liang: Gödel damn it, this really isn’t going well. They actually read everything...
Ummm, well, the Science Department wanted to maintain its focus on mainstream, accepted science, so we formulated a semi-independent subsidiary agency to handle the anomalous and other pseudoscience. In addition, the secrecy surrounding the BBB is entirely justified—we do not wish to sow unnecessary worry amongst the Trattorian populace regarding possible—
Legislator Charron: Then you clearly failed. There exists no plausible deniability for the Mikoto incident—it happened in a very public avenue, a corporate headquarters no less, brimming with witnesses and eager recording devices. The event has dominated the recent Trattorian media cycle and the people have expressed disgruntlement at the government’s handling of the crisis. The Trattorian government has been forced to acknowledge the existence of magical girls, espers, and other anomalies that we have repeatedly attempted to cover up.
lol j/k
