A Certain Infinite Line Charge

[Vami IV]

I have the sneaking feeling she's not actually dead.

[Insert_blank]

Weird how Trattorians claim to be intelligent but use Apple Products. Good soap otherwise.

[cleanupcrew]

Location: Soledad
Time: 04/05/G.R. 2015, 11:30 pm
Subject: Press Conference with Council of Scientists


Reporter: Virgin News Channel is grateful for the opportunity to broadcast today’s press conference with the Council of Scientists...or what remains of it, anyway.


Reporter: Although the Council normally replaces its own members, the loss of quorum with the consecutive deaths of Dr. Yuan and Dr. Liang has forced the Legislature to step in. Since then, the Legislative Committee on Science has been mired for months in closed-door and T-PAN televised debates regarding candidates. Today, the current Department Chairs will share their thoughts on the matter with the press.


Dr. Herndon: We will now open the floor to any questions from the media representatives.


Dr. Hines: Good evening, I’m Dr. Hines from The Trattorian Times. I wanted to ask the Council if it had any opinions on the involvement of a political body like the Legislature in the selection of new members to the Council of Scientists.


Dr. Ong: Well, the Council prides itself on being a meritocratic body leading a meritocratic institution, much like the leadership of the other executive Departments of Trattoria. Ordinarily the Council considers such qualities as intelligence and scientific achievement in promoting a new member, and we have provided detailed guidelines to the Legislature for its use. Unlike in other nations, the Legislature of Trattoria is populated with rational, intelligent, and well-educated citizens, and we trust that they can arrive at a decision similar to those in the past.


Dr. Kao: Hello, I’m Dr. Kao from the magazine The Trattorian. I wanted to ask the Council regarding the possibility of promoting a Council outsider directly to the position of Chief Scientist, like Dr. Liang.


Dr. Herndon: Well, considering the tone of Dr. Liang’s tenure, I find a repeat of such a scenario unlikely. The Legislature may possibly find worthwhile talent in some rising luminaries like Dr. Miyako, Dr. Long, or Dr. Dempsey, but the current circumstances lack the general euphoric atmosphere that pushed Dr. Liang to the position of Chief Scientist. Back then, there was a lot of pressure to promote Dr. Liang for completing the long-unsolved Theory of Everything. Given recent events, the public is more cautious now. Does that answer your question?
Dr. Kao: Yes. Thank you.


Dr. Calder: Hi, I’m Dr. Calder, and I’m a Trattorian employee of The New York Times. I wanted to ask the question that’s on everyone’s minds- who do you think will become the Chief Scientist?


Dr. Ong: I am sorry, we will not be entertaining that que-
Dr. Pang: I’ll answer this one.
Dr. Ong: Dr. Pang, I thought we agreed beforehand not to comment on-


Dr. Pang: A poll last week asked this same question to a randomized sample of 100,000 Citizens. They found a statistically significant lead for one Department Chair- me. Now why could this be?
Dr. Ong: I’d like to reiterate that the Science Department is not a democracy. The concept of democracy is fraught with-
Dr. Pang: It’s because I took the lead. I lead the stand against Dr. Liang’s coup and aborted it in the womb, minimizing damages. I have what it takes to be a leader, and the position of Chief Scientist takes leadership.
Dr. Ong: Dr. Pang, you are out of order. This event was not for campaigning or self-aggrandizement.
Dr. Calder: I am satisfied with your response, Dr. Pang.


Dr. Hikima: Now I understand you’re the favored candidate for Chief Scientist, Dr. Pang, but I’d like to ask you a question- do you deserve it?


Dr. Pang: What a preposterous inquiry! Of course I would, I’ve won six Nobels and co-invented the Miracle Cure that helps-
Dr. Hikima: I don’t doubt your scientific prowess. I mean your ethics.
Dr. Pang: Who cares about ethical considerations in a candidate for Chief Scientist?
Dr. Hikima: You might have when selecting Dr. Liang.


Dr. Hikima: I have direct evidence implicating your collusion with the Space Mafia.
The audience gasps.


Dr. Pang: Where did such a libelous concept originate?! This is national television, I’ll file a lawsuit for slander!
Dr. Hikima: But it’s true. I have numerous notarized documents from a member of the Ethics Committee testifying to your illegal activities. For example, you ordered and financed the raid against Dr. Kruszewski and sheltered the Space Mafia from Legal Department enforcement.


Dr. Ong: Did...did the Ethics Committee member identify himself?
Dr. Hikima: I know who he is, but he asked me to protect his identity. I can provide it to the Legal Department when I submit the documents- after my story gets printed, of course.


Dr. Ong: I...I apologize. The Council must adjourn this press conference early- we need to convene.

[stubby]

Weird how Trattorians claim to be intelligent but use Apple Products. Good soap otherwise.

That'd be pretty realistic. Everyone who uses Apple products "claims" to be intelligent, I've noticed.

But it's not the case. Trattorians use Appel products. It's a whole different appelation.

[Zupponn]

They usually get mediocre reviews on ZNN.

[cleanupcrew]

Location: Riess Habitation Ring, Trattorian homeworld orbit
Time: 04/06/G.R. 2015, 2:17 pm






Hospitality Robot: Greetings, Dr. Ong. It has been 754 days since your last visit here.
Dr. Ong: I’d like to speak with Dr. Pang.


Dr. Ong: Listen, Dr. Pang, what are you doing right now?
Dr. Pang: It’s over. It’s all over.


Dr. Ong: Leave the histrionics aside. With my influence, I can shutter the Legal Department investigation against you and keep you out of jail.
Dr. Pang: Did you leak those documents? You’re the only one that knew.


Dr. Ong: You have caused me great inconvenience in recent memory, Dr. Pang. It was a little over two years ago, here, where I confronted you about your involvement with the Space Mafia. But the truth is, I would rather let the Space Mafia go free than turn you in. I joined the Ethics Committee not to facilitate your demise, but rather to hinder it to the best of my ability. Dr. Hikima’s source was unsanctioned and acted without my knowledge.


Dr. Pang: Nonetheless, the fact remains. Given all of the controversy from Hikima’s accusation at the press conference, public opinion has swayed against me and the Legislature is shying away from me as their choice for Chief Scientist.


Dr. Ong grabs Dr. Pang’s labcoat.
Dr. Ong: You and that damned Chief Scientist position! Getting passed over for Dr. Liang is what turned you to supporting the mafia! And now it’s happening again.


Dr. Ong: We accomplished so much more working together cordially as lab partners, winning Nobels together. We had a workable dynamic for the better part of sixty years.


Dr. Ong: And then you ruined it. Dr. Liang ruined it. The mafia ruined it.
Dr. Pang: Greed is the cornerstone of Trattoria. Who can blame another for wanting more?
Dr. Ong: But is power really your primary ambition? You’re a scientist, not a politician. Appraise what you had and what you have lost in your quest for Chief Scientist- is it still worth it?


Dr. Pang: Doesn’t matter now, now that’s it out of reach. I’ve made up my mind.


Dr. Ong: With the amount of success you have had in the past, a failure was inevitable. You need to move on from this- we can both resign our Department Chairmanships and start a new life in the corporate sector.
Dr. Pang: No, I’ve made up my mind.


Dr. Pang: I suggest you step back.
Dr. Ong: No...you wouldn’t. I have a Miracle Cure in my pocket if you-


Dr. Pang: I’ll be dead as soon as the bullet goes through. You couldn’t even use it to illegally resurrect me since my brain will be pulp.
Dr. Ong: Don’t do it, Allen. You’ve been a bastard lately, but I know you can do better. Even despite what you’ve done, I-










Dr. Ong: I can do better. You’re wrong, Dr. Pang- I’ll bring you back one day. And when that day comes, the mafia won’t be around to tempt you anymore.


Dr. Ong: And everything in the BrikVerse will be as we like it.

[Silverdream]

Fuck man, that was dark.

[Silent-sigfig]

GUN SAFETY 101 GUN SAFETY 101 GUN SAFETY 101

[Kaplan]

This SOAP was amazing! Well done!

[Quantumsurfer]

Colette for Master Set Builder and Most Excellent Child of Darkness.

[loafofcheese]

GUN SAFETY 101 GUN SAFETY 101 GUN SAFETY 101

"I just shot Marvin in the face"

[Sir Sporktimus]

[Theblackdog]

...
holy shit that went to some disturbing places fast.

[Zupponn]

This is why Trattorians should have sex.

[cleanupcrew]

New Council of Scientists:


Left to right:
Dr. Long, Department Chair of Biology
Dr. Herndon, Department Chair of Physics
Dr. Ong, Chief Scientist
Dr. Yue, Department Chair of Chemistry
Dr. Chandrashekar, Department Chair of Engineering