Return of the Rats

[Silverdream]

100 Km North of Eldegrad, Silvaria





Marilda: If only they would put me on the front with my brothers, or at least give me a Gamemensch. Anything but guard duty on Fuckrock, Silvaria.

Tjaden: As if they would put us on the frontline. I'm colour blind, and you're only 15 years old. Imagine, if our parents were rich or landed we might be Deadnaught pilots.

Marilda: Sometimes I wished I chose the shovel brigade or janitorial corps instead.



Tjaden: Oh, looks like we might get some action after all.



Marilda: This area is off-limits. Disperse, or we will shoot.

Serekveltar jvn Ghruczaleeke: Do it.



Tjaden: If I get a killshot, you have to clean up the body.

Serekveltar jvn Ghruczaleeke: DO IT!









Tjaden: Cheater!



Marilda: You didn't kill him, that means you have to do the work.



Tjaden: Fuck. Maybe I could string him up to use him as a warning for other trespassers.

Marilda: Other trespassers? This bunker is secret. He'll be dust before another Silvarian looks at him. Plus, the smell.



Tjaden: I don't know if I should be disappointed with you or impressed with him.



Tjaden: But it looks like you're dealing with the body.







Tjaden: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Marilda: Tjaden!



Marilda: Tjaden?





Marilda: AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

[Natalya]

That's a lot of neck blood.

[Vami IV]

Should have brought his silver bullets.

[motorhead fan]

There is a guy called tjaden in the book i'm reading

And this is very good by the way.

[Silverdream]

There is a guy called tjaden in the book i'm reading

And this is very good by the way.

All's Quiet on the Western Front?

[motorhead fan]

Yes, it was one of the best books I have read, I think.

[Silverdream]

Secret Guerilla Base, Silvaria



Thane Kazmierz: Congratulations Zbigniew, the operation was a success.



Thane Kazmierz: Not only have we liberated all these explosives, but this antimatter blender could easily destroy the walls of Pitz Palu itself.



Thane Kazmierz: Honestly, using the Silvarian curse as a weapon disgusts me. But if it allows us to get revenge on Bavaria, then I have to accept it. Just imagine, when one city is infected, Bavarians will be forced to firebomb their own people to prevent it's spread.

Sgt Zbigniew: Yes, with this amount of power, even the Bavarian Kaiserin is threatened. And now that I know the methods, I guess I'll be taking charge of this group.

Thane Kazmierz: No Zbigniew, stop being ridiculous. Unless this is your south Eldegrad idea of humour.



A golden blade flies through the Sergeant's wrist.



Zbigniew collapses.



Lt. Stanislaw: What the fuck is going on! Kill it!



A star flies from the thing, breaking the guard's visor.





Sgt. Bratvasky: Eat holy axe!



Bratvasky barely parries the thing's strike.





The axe goes in, but the thing grabs the blade.



Sgt. Bratvasky: Stan, get out of here.





???: Oh give up. There's no way you can lift that gun.



Lt. Stanislaw: Who are you?

Prinz Klaus Jr: I am Prinz Klaus Von Fynnvaria, and I can use you alive.



Lt. Stanislaw: How long were you Zbigniew? Was defiling Silvarians your idea?

Prinz Klaus Jr: Join me, and have your revenge on Bavaria.



Lt. Stanislaw: I will not defile my brethren or desecrate Silvarian heritage.

Prinz Klaus Jr: Then you will die.



Lt. Stanislaw: Yes, but I'll have the honour of killing a Bavarian Prinz. By the way, did the Kaiser ejaculate inside a gold mine to create you?





Prinz Klaus Jr: It is no big deal. I can simply stitch up the Thane and address my troops.

[cleanupcrew]

IT LIVES.

[Kommander Ken]

[Silverdream]

???, Venice



Prinz Karl "Gustav": Goddamn, my hand's gone but I still feel it. I hate phantom limb.

Vanderheim: Good thing she wasn't giving you a handjob.

Prinz Karl "Gustav": If she did, she'd still probably find a way to get knocked up. Venetians are as scary as they are sexy.



Godfather Tannobar: I'm sorry gentlemen, but would you mind discussing our plan to assassinate Kaiserin Renate instead of the Duchessa?

Sackhead: I could listen for a little longer.



As if they appeared from nowhere, the Jaegers appear.

Jaeger Waldorf: Traitor! Rebel! Fiend!

Jaeger Nunen: Prinz Karl Gustav, you are under arrest for high treason against Kaiserin Renate.



Prinz Gustav: Both of you have been loyal bodyguards to me for my life. Remember when we fought the Trattorians? The USA? When I was a general, I was free, and I claimed my destiny through bravery and fighting. Here, I've been whored out to the Venetians without even an apology, so that Bavaria got a few meagre reinforcements. Both of you must understand, I'm trapped here without respect or power. The blood of a thousand kings and heroes runs in my veins. It's my duty, my destiny to fight and conquer, not to serve as a baby making machine.



Jaeger Waldorf: Don't play the victim. We all make sacrifices for Bavaria. Have some pride and humility for your country, and come with us.



Tannobar: Let my men demonstrate their value, mein Kaiser.



The carpet rises in the air.



Prinz Gustav: I, Prinz Gustav Von Fynnvaria command your guns, deactivate!





Vanderheim: How much do you want to bet on the Jaegers?



The Jaegers are shot, but they press forward. Their armour, the finest in Bavaria, easily absorbs the small arms fire.







Honed since childhood, Jaegers are unmatched in hand to stump combat.

[RedRover]

The red hood skeleton looks sweet.

[Silverdream]

The red hood skeleton looks sweet.

The skull is actually just a mask, sweetie. But thanks, I'm glad someone liked him.

[Silverdream]

Sackhead: I've got to hand it to the Jaegers, they're almost a quarter as good as I am.

Mogwai: Careful friends, he has a sword, the most common and uninteresting weapon in the universe.

Iceman: It still looks pretty cool. I call dibs!



Jaeger Waldorf: I could kill all of you with my blade, honed with Krupp steel, but you filthy animals don't deserve it. I'll kill you all with my bare hands. Here, keep my blade.



Sackhead's quick reflexes block the blade, but the trigger is completely cut off the gun.

Iceman: Hey, I had dibs!



Iceman: Oh well, maybe I'll settle for your scalp as a trophy.



Waldorf bows, beckoning Iceman to come closer.



BOOM! Rocket headbutt!



[Jaeger Waldorf: You're next, peach scum!



Tannobar: ....



Tannobar: Gus, can you believe this guy? Peach 'scum'? I'm a godfather in the most powerful gang in the Universe. I've brought more blood and gold than many of you entitled yellow pricks have to the Space Mafia, and this mentally deficient, brainwashed bodyguard thinks he's better than me. Tell me Gustav, the children that become Jaegers, do they really think years of training and drilling makes them any better than a man like me?

Prinz Karl 'Gustav' von Fynnvaria: Yes.

[Kommander Ken]

Love this.