Army of JAM: The Comrade's Mantle

[Bluefog]

The stat references are real.

I thought it'd be funny.

You missed a perfect chance for anal OTC insertion, JAM. Way to let a guy down.

Didn't someone already do the OTC insertion thing? I try for originality. Plus. I don't think Brikthulu is a perv like that.

[Insert_blank]

He's a tentacle monster. Everything I've ever watched with tentacle monsters was pretty pervy, dude

[Bluefog]

Jonah Hex: This ain't right. We can't be just killin' people like they was cattle.

Billy Gibbons: We sworn to serve Comrade JAM.


Jonah Hex: That ain't him. C'mon now. Y'know this ain't right. Leave with me, Billy.


Billy Gibbons: Well, I ain't strikin' out on my own. Alls I got is this here guitar and the blues in my fingertips.


Jonah Hex: Well, I am. It was nice knowin' ya, Billy.


Jonah Hex: If ya change yer mind, y'know where to find me.


Jonah Hex, deep in thought, leaves the castle.


The Brikthulic sacrificess of the new Comrade JAM, cause him great concern, so he walks off in search of a new cause.


It isn't that he's against violence, quite the opposite, as a gunslinger he enjoys it, he just doesn't see the purpose of valuable lives being sacrificed to some deity which may or may not exist.

[Bluefog]

Gate Guard 1: Welcome home, sir.

Comrade JAM: Thank you. Anything to report?


Gate Guard 1: Other than General Hex leaving three days ago, no.

Comrade JAM: Interesting.


Comrade JAM: Where has Jonah Hex gone?

Billy Gibbons: I dunno. Neglected to mention.


Comrade JAM: I have feeling treachery is afoot.


Billy Gibbons: He said he wasn't feelin' the sacrifices and he took off, that's all I know.

Comrade JAM: Hmm... Call for the Cyborg Scout.


Comrade JAM: Can you play something while we wait?

Billy Gibbons: Absolutely. * plays "Cheap Sunglasses" *

The cyborg who was gathering intelligence on other enemies of the Army of JAM dropped everything to assist his new master.


BRRRRAAAAAAPPPP!!!


The Scout never questioned orders, never thought for himself, he was loyal soldier, a perfect blend of strength and brainlessness.


BRRRAAAPPP!! BBRRRAAAAPP!!


He arrived at the castle moments later because he's totally awesome at motocross.



Comrade JAM: Scout, no time to waste, I need you to track down Jonah Hex. I fear he has defected. Find him and report back to me. Go now!


Cyborg Scout: Understood sir.


Comrade JAM: I need answers scout, I know you will provide me with them.

Cyborg Scout: Yessir.

[Bluefog]

Comrade JAM: My approval polls are down, do you know why?

Billy Gibbons: It's more than likely cuz of all the Brikthulu business.


Comrade JAM: People don't love Brikthulu as I do?

Billy Gibbons: Uhh.., well, it's just they're willing to throw their lives away in battle, but bein' sacrificed has got 'em all bent up. You understand right?


Comrade JAM: No, No I do not. Brikthulu is the one true God. To speak against him is blasphemous. All blasphemers shall be punished by death.

Billy Gibbons: See, that's what I mean Comrade, you can't just be killin everyone.


Comrade JAM: You dare tell me what to do?! You are a bard. Your job is to improve morale, and morale is low.




Comrade JAM: This is my castle, this is my army! You're my servant! You do my bidding and you never speak out against me! Got that?!

Billy: ...


Comrade JAM: If morale doesn't improve soon, I'm holding you personally responsible, Billy.

[Silverdream]

Not Billy!

[Zupponn]

And he thinks he's just a bard.

[Bluefog]

Somewhere in an unknown location on Enclo3 there is a small prison which contains only one inmate. Imprisoned for unimaginable crimes this nameless individual remained still until today. Something had awoken inside him today. Some kind of ancient, powerful spark burned inside him. He felt it's immense power.


This new strange power washed over him. He felt his strength increase, he felt as though he had finally reached his potential. The prisoner knew he needed to escape and head east. All he knew was that something, some force was beckoning him and he had to respond.


As the prisoner realized he now had the potential to free himself from his confines a man approached the cell. He knew this man very well and the man knew him. He had a deep hatred for him and his cruelty.


Man: I especially look forward to your flogging every day.

Prisoner: I look forward to crushing your skull.


Man: Oh it speaks, I thought you didn't understand English. Guards, give the prisoner an extra ten lashings for me.



The man began to walk away when...

THUD-THUD-BOOOOOOOMMM!!




Prisoner: I told you I'd crush your skull.

Man: Guards! Guards! *choking noises*

P-P-POP!






Prisoner: At last I taste freedom once more. Now onward to my destiny.

[cleanupcrew]

A challenger for the Comrade JAM mantle?

[Natalya]

Well the current JAM got ban hammered...

[Bluefog]

With each determined step, the dangerous prisoner gained knowledge of his purpose. It became clearer and clearer as he got closer to his destination. He was to inherit a very important mantle. With this mantle came great responsibility and power. His true name forever lost in time, decades of solitude and constant abuse left the prisoner with a jaded view towards this alien world and it's inhabitants. It didn't matter what his name was, he wasn't that person anymore. Now he was Comrade JAM, a truly legendary title coveted by all, and known throughout the Brikverse. Men want to be JAM, women want to be with JAM. It's probably the OT wings thought the prisoner, still astonished at his amazing fortune.


The power of the Comrade JAM mantle meant he could do anything he wanted with amazing degrees of success. Even parkour which, let's be honest, usually ends with face plants and missing teeth.


But Comrade JAM always lands on his feet.


You can toil your whole life, working for your dreams and sometimes when you least expect it, in your most difficult moments something encouraging finally happens. The prisoners morale had improved greatly the more he thought about how much his life would change. He decided though that despite his new found glory he'd stay true to his roots and not be an entitled, elitist asshole.


He rounded the corner to the castle and identified himself to the guard.


Comrade JAM: Hey, uhh... pleased to meet you, I think I'm your new JAM."


SWAD Guard 1: Uhm... pleased to meet you sir."

Comrade JAM: Likewise. What's your name?"

SWAD Guard 1: It's... uhh... Clarence, sir."


Comrade JAM: Nice to meet you Clarence, thanks for your service."

SWAD Guard (Clarence): Thank you sir.

The SWAD member's voice trembled slightly unsure of the new JAM's intentions.




Billy Gibbons: You're the new JAM ain't ya?

Comrade JAM: I am.

Billy Gibbons: Nice t'meet ya, I'm the Reverend Billy F. Gibbons.

Comrade JAM: I'm honored to meet you Reverend, I've heard many tales of your guitar playing, so grateful to have you.


Comrade JAM: This must me my armor. I'm so stoked to try this on.

Billy Gibbons: Go on man, Get the low down.


Comrade JAM: I must address the troops. I have to thank them for everything they've done. Us JAM's share a collective memory, I'm aware of their sacrifices and the last JAM's cruelty and although I love Brikthulu's work, I'm not prepared to sacrifice potential soldiers in my army.

Billy Gibbons: This mean you'll accept Jonah Hex back?


Comrade JAM: I must give this more thought. I understand his reasons but breaking an oath is pretty heavy. I really dunno yet.

Billy Gibbons: Fair enough.


Comrade JAM: Nice meeting you Billy, I'll be back after I address the troops and make an important announcement.


And with that, Comrade JAM soared over his new castle towards the camp of his beloved troops. His head buzzed with the past few days events, still fresh in his mind. He'd never expected that he, a prisoner with a 99 year sentence, to be the new Comrade JAM, but now he was. Life is a funny thing.

[stubby]

And with that, Comrade JAM soared over his new castle towards the camp of his beloved troops. His head buzzed with the past few days events, still fresh in his mind. He'd never expected that he, a prisoner with a 99 year sentence, to be the new Comrade JAM, but now he was. Life is a funny thing.

I now have a new dream. Maybe someday I, too, will stand up from my menial employment and discover I've been chosen to be the next JAM.

[Vami IV]

And with that, Comrade JAM soared over his new castle towards the camp of his beloved troops. His head buzzed with the past few days events, still fresh in his mind. He'd never expected that he, a prisoner with a 99 year sentence, to be the new Comrade JAM, but now he was. Life is a funny thing.

I now have a new dream. Maybe someday I, too, will stand up from my menial employment and discover I've been chosen to be the next JAM.

Tonight, on this episode of
THE ADVENTURES OF COMRADE JAM
AND HIS LOYAL HOUND, STUBBY!

[Bluefog]

And with that, Comrade JAM soared over his new castle towards the camp of his beloved troops. His head buzzed with the past few days events, still fresh in his mind. He'd never expected that he, a prisoner with a 99 year sentence, to be the new Comrade JAM, but now he was. Life is a funny thing.

I now have a new dream. Maybe someday I, too, will stand up from my menial employment and discover I've been chosen to be the next JAM.

You never know.

[Zupponn]

I really like this passing of the mantle as the old one dies. It's sort of unique among all the glorious leaders here.