CHAT BATTLE: The Golden Ticket--FINISHED

[Silent-sigfig]

And now for a message from the president.



Trump: "People have been saying that I don't have the best brain. I have a HIGH IQ. And today, I am announcing a contest where someone can speak to me. Maybe My IQ will rub off on them #MAGA."



Trump: ?There is a crystal (gold, of course) and whoever finds it will be able to speak with me #Pizzagate."



Trump: "Because all of the (((globalists))) seem to think I am a puppet for Putin, I most certainly hid it from him."



Sniper: "What Luck! It was most certainly not hidden from us!"



Peachamir Putin: "Da, comrade. Trump told me the location during pillow talk last night." This should be a walk of cake."



Colonel Tonk: "Not so fast, you antiintellectual! Trattoria can use that meeting to convince Trump to give us the antimmortalium, because he agress with whoever he's talking to!"



Babe Ruthless: "Hey now! That thin-skinned buffon fired me on celebrity apprentice! My bat has a date with his skull!"



General Kouzan: "Ho ho ho! You think that crystal belongs to you! As predicted, it will be an Asian nation that will take advantage of Clownface von Fuckstick!"




Welcome to the Golden Ticket! Due to my short timeframe, factions will be given to those who participate often!

Now Sign up!

Celestial Kingdom:
Britannia:
Trattoria:
45th Union:

[Quantumsurfer]

No preference, but I'm signing up.

[RedRover]

This looks awesome!

[TastySkippy123]

Sign me up. Brittania please?

[bann154]

45th if I can

[Venge]

Is it just me or do the Celestial Kingdom guards look like reindeer?

[Silent-sigfig]

So because I was ill that past few days This will now be chat battle. Be on chat around seven or eight if you want to participate(eastern time)

[TastySkippy123]

Shame, getting sick sucks. I will no longer be able to partake, so Brittania is up for grabs for anyone who uses discord.

[Silent-sigfig]

Turn 1 Britannia(TastySkippy)



The infantry and cavalry move into the forest.



The tank shoots at the wall, but the wall's armor ties the damage.



Here comes the pitch...



*critically successful crack*



* critically successful whistling noises*



*critically successful splat*



Babe Ruthless and the officer join the troops.

[Silent-sigfig]

Turn 1 Trattoria (Vami)



Tonk is appropriately horrified. "Oh my Money!"



"Hey wait...I could maybe use his payments to cover my own debts...."



"Sigh...or I could use it tocheat and grab the crystal early get some legal help in this battle"



A tied roll summons one lawyer and Krugman's ghost, who isn't tremendously pleased with Tonk's opinion of him. "Fookin Bureaucrat"



The infantry move up as much as they can. Hoplites hold onto a response action.



The Hadron slides out and fucking unloads on the forest.



The main gun critfailled(can fire next turn), the machine guns wiped out 5 infantrymen and a tree(machine guns need a turn to cool off).

[Silent-sigfig]

Turn 2 Britannia (TastySkippy)



The cavalry charges, but fails to shoot anyone. The response fire is ineffective though.



The tank rolls up.



Despite hitting the main gun head on the damage is once again equaled by the armor.



The lawyer is gunned down.



Ruthless throws his bat like a boomerang.



He also tells these guys to "pull themselves together", but it is less than effective.



The bat smashes and arm off a hoplite.

(not pictured: the bat returning to ruthless)

[RedRover]

Not enough people for the other two factions?

[Silent-sigfig]

Turn 2 Trattoria (Vami)



Tonk bends down, using her biologic enhancements for a catlike leap.



She throws out her back instead.



"haha fooking bitch"



Once again, the main gun critfails....



The infantry does have a bit of success, obliterating one cavalryman and his horse. The Hoplites fail to kill the other.



After throwing its arm at the Brits(it landed behind the cavalry), the one-armed Hoplite helps Tonk up (her back will give her -1 to movement for the rest of the game).

[Silent-sigfig]

Turn 3 Britannia (TastySkippy)



The landship hits the Hadron in the body instead of the main gun, dealing 2 size points of damage. A machine gun is also shot off.



The last Cavalry guy attempts to kill Tonk, but he can;t even scratch her redshirt.



The infantry, on the other hand have no difficulty wiping out the trattorian operators (lots of exploding dice).

BRITANNIA HAS THE CRYSTAL



Ruthless tried a feat, but it failed. He and the officer walk to battle.

[Silent-sigfig]

Turn 3 Trattoria (Vami)



Tonk shoots at the guy with the crystal, but doesn't do enough damage...



"Beep Boop Beep enough fucking around." Says one of the hoplites, as they all fire their grenade launchers at the britannians.



All the infantry die.



The Hadron fires it's main gun at the landship, and doesn't critfail!

It rolls a two,

It misses by a mile