The Last Battle of New York [SIGN UP TODAY]

[ninja_bait]

Recommended Reading
Theblackdog's companion microspace battle

Location: Planet New York

A number of factions clash across the planet, all hoping to unlock the secret of Austin's Box. A memorial to the battles that have come before stands quietly at the edge of the city.



Immortal forces arrive, led by a Terrorkhan captain. Fate has led them here.


The captain reads the inscription aloud. "May this flame burn as long as there is hope for peace in the galaxy. Ha!"


The Immortals are caught off guard by a band of Luchardsko soldiers. "Prepare to die, Immortal scum!"


A fierce firefight ensues, but the Luchardskoans are led by the infamous mercenary Blue Guy, wielder of the Buttnomikon.


The bulk of the Immortals are soon buried in poop, while the others seek what little cover they can find.


Da Brootalz show up, incited by the violence. They are led by the horrible Albino Brootal. "Grr!"


Behind some nearby rubble, the crew of the Pericles scouts out the situation. "Now there are Brootalz?! We were right to wait for back up. President Bob and more T.L.A. forces should be here any moment, and then we'll have these losers outnumbered."


Meanwhile, Dr. Carlson and President Austin continue to ride the elevator to the surface. "Do you feel it, Dr. Carlson? The end grows ever nearer for all of us. That fighting above us? If there's anyone left to remember it, they'll know it as the Last Battle of New York. If you want to protect your future, you must protect my Box!"


The ground under the monument shakes and opens up...


...and Dr. Carlson emerges, wielding Austin's Box!


An intense light emanates from the box, seemingly of its own accord.


"What...


"The...


"Fuck?"


The light fades, revealing Carlson's forces - the last of the Trattorians!


President Bob and his cabinet arrive on scene. "Where the hell are my guys?"


Overview:


Factions:
Luchardsko - Falk
Da Brootalz - Kommander Ken
T.L.A. - Theblackdog
Immortals - Rev Sylvanus
Trattorians - Duerer

Goal: Capture Austin's Box

Rule notes:
*Each squad has a hero, the Trattorian Hero is Dr. Carlson.
*The Buttnomikon has a Shart Beam and a Poop Shield. It also causes any Brootalz within 4" to critfail all rolls.
*Austin's Box is able to vaporize combatants and gives nearby allies +2 to dice rolls against Immortals.

[Kommander Ken]

OI LADS, BAWSS GRIMJAW WANTS DAT BAWKS FER SUM REASON, LETS KNICK IT FROM DESE YELLOW PANZEES!

[ninja_bait]

Still looking for two sign-ups to start this battle! The fate of the galaxy is in your hands!

[Duerer]

Whatevs, just give me the Tratts.

[ninja_bait]

Round One

The Trattorian Kaptain rouses his men with a short speech. "The Fates' humor is twisted, but we are here for the Box at all costs; ignore those Brootalz for now!"


The two Terrorkhans combine their unholy strength to upend one of the eternal flames.



One of the Immortal troopers shoots at President Austin, who deflects it with his Nova Sword.


The other trooper manages to take down an unlucky drone.


The Kaptain punts the monument across the map.


It disrupts the Trattorians on the far side of the memorial.


The Terrorkhans rush into close combat with dual cutlasses.


They manage to damage one of the Interdimensionoids.


President Austin responds with surprising competency, beheading the Terrorkhan.


The Interdimensionoid struggles to pierce the Kaptain's heavy armor, even with the Antimortallium bonus.


Takuya and a drone murder the Immortal trooper who tried to kill Austin.


Carlson summons the power of Austin's Box. "Ooka Shaka! Ooka Shaka!"


A terrorkhan is vaporized by the death beam.


T.L.A. soldier: "That's a whole lot of enemies. Can we take them all?
Bob: "FUCK YES WE CAN!"


Bob and his cabinet rushes into battle.


He splatters a drone with the Chain of Command.


Two guys kill another drone with their bolt guns.


The other two attack Takuya.


"I die in peace... Knowing my name will be remembered forever!"


Da Broozas rush President Austin. "DIS ONE LOOKS LIKE DA BIGGEST PANSIE! GIT DAT YELLA GIT FIRST! (NO OFFENSE, BAWSS)"
Timmy: None taken.


At first it looks like Austin has the upper hand, blocking the Brooza swords with ease.


But the swords are just a feint, and Austin is unprepared for the real attack! "YEAH DAT'S DE BROOTAL WAE, DEAL WIDDIT!"


Timmy the Albino Brootal reaches into his bag for goodies.


A delicious Kronut from Krumpin' Kronuts!


Filled with explosive jam! [FEAT FAILED] Timmy is disrupted but unharmed.


The Spess Meanies dip their rifles in the Poop.


With their guns tipped with Poop, surely they'll get some damage bonuses or something! "LET'S MAKE DEEZ YELLOW TURDS (NO OFFENSE, BAWSS) EAT SHIT!"


One of the Brootalz manages to kill a cabinet member. It isn't clear if the poop helped. "SEE, TOLD YA THAT WOULD WORK!"
The other Brootal'z gun jams with an unsatisfying BLORP noise. He'll need to clean it next round.


Blue Guy decides these other factions look kinda risky so he walls off the T.L.A. and Brootalz. "That Ragnabook WILL be mine!"


The troopers take down an Interdimensionoid.


The others try to kill Carlson but the weapon rolls are weak.


Trattorians: 2/8 alive, 3 kills
Immortals: 2/5 alive, 1 kill
Brootalz: 5/5 alive, 2 kills
T.L.A: 4/5 alive, 3 kills
Luchardsko: 5/5 alive, 1 kill

I forgot to take the overview shot so enjoy this gaffe where I accidentally had Carlson vaporize one of his own drones.

[Kommander Ken]

LUCHA-SHART PANZEES!

[ninja_bait]

Round Two
The Immortal Trooper takes a potshot at the Trattorian Interdimensionoid.


This gives the Terrorkhan Kaptain just enough of an opportunity to roll out from under the droid.


The Kaptain's black steel blade cuts through the droid like butter.


As the Immortals duck for cover, the Kaptain calls in a "special favor"


Carlson moves to face the larger threat, lining up to catch as many Luchardskoans in his Beam of Peace as possible. He uses his science knowledge to increase the power of the beam.


Blue Guy catches the beam on his Shitshield.


"Get out of the way! This turd won't hold for long!"


Everyone attempts to bail, but two Luchardskoans are caught in the beam anyway.


Carlson grabs Austin's Nova sword and cowers in the corner. "What am I doing," he wonders to himself.


The Brootalz suddenly swarm his position. "SURPRISE YA YELLA SCIENCE GIT (NO OFFENSE BAWSS)!"
Timmy: None taken.


But it is the Brootalz who are surprised, by the durability of the Nova sword.


Timmy gathers himself. "Think, Timmy, what did Sir Rojo teach you about winning battles?"


"Oh yeah, use your head!"


S P L A T!


The wall is sent sky-high.


It crashes down, pulping one T.L.A. secretary, disrupting another, and sending Blue Guy onto his bum.


The Spess Meanie tries to shoot a T.L.A. soldier but the gun just clicks. Seems the shit has dried up.


The other Brootal pulls out some toilet paper and starts cleaning his gun.


President Bob: Looks like if I wanna get to those Immortals, I'll have to do some radical landscaping first! Get this greenery outta the way!


He winds up the Chain of Command.


Pow! Double kill!


This T.L.A. secretary's gun also clicks, leading to an awkward stand-off.


The remaining T.L.A. member recovers from being hit by a wall of shit.


Immortals scatter as Brootal Bitz come raining down from the sky.


The Luchardsko troopers kill the last Immortal trooper.


Meanwhile, Blue Guy considers his foe. That's one powerful nerd.


He fires his Shart Beam, but it is met by Carlson's own blast!


I keep rolling ties on the dice, and the beams struggle to overtake each other.


Blue Guy's had enough! He decides to take down Carlson the old fashioned way.


But Carlson deflects with the Nova Sword.


Carlson: You're no match for SCIENCE!
Blue Guy: Yeah, well at least I'm not a NERRRRD!


OVERWATCH


Trattorians: 1/8 alive, 5 kills
Immortals: 1/5 alive, 2 kills
Brootalz: 3/5 alive, 3 kills
T.L.A: 3/5 alive, 5 kills
Luchardsko: 3/5 alive, 2 kills

SEND IN ORDERS please

[Maraxous]

I'M NOT A NERD! Classic.

[Kommander Ken]

Roasted.

[TheLEGObrick]

I probably don't have to tell you that the battle seems pretty cool

[ninja_bait]

I probably don't have to tell you that the battle seems... pretty cool?

Yeah, I know how cool my stuff is.

[Maraxous]

It wasn't till the second time I read this that I realized Timmy was the leader/hero It is awesome that he didn't just survive by putting on the uniform, but BROOTALIZED his way to leader

[ninja_bait]

Round Three

Carlson stares down Blue Guy, knowing that if he looks away for a moment he's dead.


Come on.... Blink, damn it....


But both Blue Guy and Dr. Carlson forgot that the Immortals were down but not out. "Warhead sends his regards, Trattorian," the Kaptain hisses in Carlson's ear.


"Okay, that was pretty sweet. Cancel the airstrike we were planning as the 'special favor' he requested. We no longer have to wipe him off the face of the earth for his failures."


The Kaptain tries to pick up Austin's Box.


But the Antimortallium sears his hand and he reels back, screaming.


Meanwhile, Timmy's blood rage boils.


He begins to wrestle with President Bob over the Chain of Command.


"Listen here, you dumb ork, do you know who I am?"


"I AM-"


"-what the fuck? You're just some kid!"


Timmy grabs his helmet and flees in shame. [FEAT FAILED]


"OI, DAT YELLA GIT IS MAKIN FUNNA DA BAWSS'S SKIN KONDISHUN!"
"DAT AIN' ROIGHT!"
Da Brootalz fire on President Bob, but he is saved by a redshirt.


The last remaining secretary fires on a Brootal but his armor is too S T R O N K.


Meanwhile, Bob begins gathering bricks for a construction feat.


The feat succeeds, and he now holds a Poop Buzzsaw!


The FEAT CRITICALLY SUCCEEDS and he shreds the last brootalz with the saw.


Meanwhile, Blue Guy makes his way over to Carlson's corpse. "Shame you blinked. Who knows, maybe you'll get lucky and come back like President Austin. Ha! HA! Fat chance."


Blue Guy lifts the two Ragnabooks to the sky.


A strange beam hits him.


The books crackle with ancient energy. Blue Guy's men bow in awe, but President Bob stands defiant, wary of the power here. "The T.L.A. has been Luchardsko's ally in the past. Join me in the conquest of the galaxy," Blue Guy says. "Together, we can stop Ragnablok."

"I'm not here to deal with Ragnablok," Bob replies. "My people are done fighting that kind of war for a while. We're here for Antimortallium, because it's time to kill Warhead."

"The Antimortallium I can give you. It's not integral to the power of the Ragnabooks. And I believe there is one of Warhead's lieutenants, still alive here."


"TAKE ME TO WARHEAD, YOU SCUM," Bob growls. "TAKE ME TO THE BIG ONE."


Meanwhile, Blue Guy is summoned back to space. The battle in orbit has resumed.


LUCHARDSKO WINS

Thanks for playing as always! Hope you enjoyed.

[ninja_bait]

Meanwhile, the antimortallium detector sits in a pool of caustic Brootal blood.


Ooh, Dr. Carlson, I don't feel so good...


Fortunately, Immortal soldiers spot the glowing shard. "Inform Lord Warhead. He'll want this shard for reabsorption."

[Falk]

Two down, two to go