[BF24] The Ascension of Ya-Ooma

[EternityOfDeath]

The Ascension of Ya-Ooma



Ooma wiped the sweat from his shiny brow after picking up the last of the garbage that had been strewn across the convention center hallway.

“That's the last time I take the janitorial shift on the fifth floor!” he chirped unhappily. “I really know that was a lot of hard work!”

Just then, his phone dinged with an important notification. “oh, I hope that is another appreciative reaction to my posts on the Diskordia app!” he exclaimed happily. “ I really know how fond the other members are of my high quality content I provide.”

After fumbling a moment to unlock his screen, his fingers managed to correctly punch in the security code. To an ignorant observer, it would appear that while doing so he was caressing the outline of a feminine figure that was set as the lock screen of his phone.

Hastily scanning the screen and reading for a minute, Ooma's countenance changed from one of gleeful happiness to brooding anger. Sweat sprang anew from his cranial dome. Fingers tightened and knuckles whitened. Cracks started to appear in the foundations of reality.

“How could they do this?!?!” he thundered. “ How dare they ban ME!!! That moderator Talyana has had it out for me from the start of this. They are just jealous. They can't appreciate TRUE BEAUTY, unlike me!”

With the conclusion of that precipitous outburst, Ooma formed a dramatic resolution in his mind.

Nevermore would the denizens of Diskordia be graced with his presence.
Nevermore would they drink with their eyes his glorious content.
Nevermore would they gaze longingly at his pictures of that delicious and delectable drink, calpis.

On his bus ride back to his apartment after his work shift had ended, Ooma brooded darkly.
“They'll come to regret this!” he swore while playing his favorite game, KINKE.
“From now on, I'll devote myself entirely to you, my sweet darlings!” he cooed to the computer screen.

Once home, he transferred from playing on his phone to his desktop computer. Suddenly aware of a powerful thirst, he headed to his fridge to acquire the only thing capable of slaking his desire: CALPIS.
That beautiful white concoction; that shining, shimmering radiance in a can: here was a potion of prowess, of pulchritude, and of power.

But in his haste to imbibe this sweet nectar of the gods, Ooma spilled some of the Calpis on his otherwise immaculate and completely spot-free mechanical keyboard.

“oh no!” he morosely exclaimed. “now my limited edition KINKE keyboard will be ruined! How will I possibly replace this one-of-a-kind item that was shaped like my favorite character from the game!”

He would have continued complaining, but a strange phenomenon was starting to occur from where the fermented yogurt drink had contacted the electronic curves and circuits of the keyboard.

Light and sound erupted in a spiral of cosmic vortices. The cacophony of a thousand plastic construction bricks crashing against each other assaulted Ooma's ears. From one growing vortex issued forth a strange looking figure. Upon seeing Ooma's cowering form, they advanced upon him.

“Fear not, Ooma! The way forward is open to you!”

“It is no coincidence that CALPIS is your favorite drink. For years your body has taken in the powerful nanobots hidden betwixt the bubbles of the beverage. They have slowly transformed you into something more than human.“

“Now it is time to fulfill your manufactured destiny... Come with us if you want to live up to your newly unlocked potential.”

“For CALPIS is not merely just the name of a drink: We are the Corporate Alliance Leading Powerful
Interplanetary Spaceships! Finally, in you we have a person worthy of becoming the only hero that can take on the formidable BLORCKTRONs that are ravaging our systems“

“It is also not a coincidence that you have become the foremost expert player of the game KINKE. For it was a simulation to prepare you for the real thing: controlling an elite squad of scantily clad gun wielding females that you will lead from the rear!”

“What say you, Ooma? Will you accept this mantle of heroic duty and ascend to become the godly Ya-Ooma that no legends have foretold until this very moment? The fate of a previously unknown universe hangs upon your decision!!!”

The thunderous silence filled the small bedroom as the Elgonian finished his lengthy exposition, but not for long.

In reply, Ya-Ooma raised his phone with the KINKE app open and started swiping furiously across the screen. With each pass of his now-glowing hand, the characters from the phone sprang forth and were made flesh in front of his eyes.

As the four women rose daintily to their feet, their bosoms bounced breastily with delight as they drew their first breaths and laughed with glee as they adoringly gazed upon their new lord and master.

Gathering his soul-bonded acolytes close to him, Ya-Ooma strode forth into the fully open portal.

“The world I leave behind doesn't deserve me”, he contemptuously thought.

“I shall shutter my mind to their futile pleas. No more will they be able to gaze through the window of my soul and know such beauty and power. “

“No more will I be just a decorative element in their sad, gray world. I move forward to a place where I have purpose and function!”

“Onward to glory! In the name of CALPIS, I command thee: BEGONE BLORCKTRONs!!!”

[Scribonius]

Uhhhhhh...

This has all of the makings of a weird Anime with confusing action scenes and weird, overpowered fighting techniques.

Concept: 5 I get the general idea behind this, but it feels really weird and I'm not sure there IS a meaning here?

Form: 7 The framework is there, the form is there, the narration flows well, so I can't fault that.

Voice: 5 ehhhhh....

Style: 12 Cheesy dialogue, weird narration, and tentative hints at other things make hints at some background, but they don't make good character development. Not yet, anyway. I have seen worse. If you fleshed this out a little more, made it longer, it might feel better, but right now this is the pilot (or villain background) for a weird episode of a new Anime, in season 1, before it finds its feet...

[MadMario]

CONCEPT: 7
FORM: 8
VOICE: 7
STYLE: 15
PRESENTATION: 8

Well done. A nice `fan fiction` what may have happened after IRL events, molded into the Brikverse. Has all the fan-service cameos you´d expect for readers that know the backstory. For others it may be just a bit confusing. Pacing and overall appeal is good, and I acknowledge the writing style as in-character. Long live Ya-Ooma.

[FEEB]

Concept 4. Dumb fun

Form 4. What the fuck?

Voice 5. What the fuck

Style 19. I can't give this a perfect score in fairness but I loved this too much and laughed too many times to give it anything less than this since the other scores are so low. I wish the rest of these were more like this. Mantra to repeat when writing for brikwars: DUMB FUN. DUMB FUN. DUMB FUN. Ooyamology is a nascent and rapidly growing field in how to achieve this.