BATTLE OF THE MAREN TURN 3

Post by **Silverdream** » Mon Oct 31, 2011 9:56 pm

+++BAVARIAN REUZENMACHT+++

I thought the heroic feat was ridiculous, but the dice didn't.

"Listen up you Rhine Monkeys, back in the day the Polish forces begged for more men, but they didn't have any, so they used injured people, women and children. They all fought until their muscles ran out of blood, when they were overstarved and overtired and the organs wouldn't go back in anymore."

War guilt gets the Valkyries back up.

"It vas stahding to get cold in zere."

The Valkyries are just out of range of the magistrate. Next turn they will be able to attack though.

The Officer sees a worthy target. Nova Sword hits Nova Sword and a victor is decided early.

The Nova Sword's heat is felt on Byron's chest. Although Byron fought well, his place is in the ground now, after a great naval career and life of serving her majesty.

But it's not so. A rocketeer with a saved action unloads a clip into the officer.

"You, are promoted to lance corporal by the power invested in me by her majesty."

The Riflemen move up. Most aren't in range.

The one who is in range remembers basic training, and fires on Byron.

"HRRRRNGH"

Byron isn't completely dead, but he's no longer able to fight.

The Snipers move up next. One fires with success.

Ending the Lance Corporal's military career.

General Pilecki and the Terminators move up. They aren't in range of anything.
But

Post by **Silverdream** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 12:02 am

And now for an exciting battle of wills between Bragallot and Zahru.

+++++THE BRITANNIAN FORCES+++++

Someone, or something is warped in.

Oh, it's just your friendly neighbourhood Steve Buscemi.

"Hey, you"

"What do you want? I'm in the middle of something right now."
"You my friend said something racist against Belgians, and racism is not cool"
"I'm a Polish Sandwich Guy, you think I don't know about racism?"

"Well you see..."
Buscemi reaches into his left pocket.

*BANG*

Witold Pilecki is knocked on his ass(-1 hp).

He is not one to stop fighting though.

This spirit is vanquished, though we may never know who brought him here.

The wounded and almost dead Byron DeSilva of the Yellow Sector tries to call out to his cult, but he calls too faintly.

A rocketeer picks him up.

And puts him in safety behind the lines.

Then he Jetpacks back to his original spot.

"Yes Hello? This is James DeSilva Speaking. I would like you to pinpoint the location those damn Mummies are coming out of and blow it all to hell"

"...."

"Do it"

"We can't blow up something so close to both you and the Admiral, you'll both be caught in the blast"

The Australian Officer fires his shotgun.

Killing a Valkyrie.

A rocketeer spots several good targets.

The third one lives.

"Surprise Cockhead!"

Killing the last Valkyrie again. Did I tell you guys I tried to hook up with a lesbian last night? I crit failed.

The Magistrate's pilot uses the complex weapons system.

Firing not one,

But two missiles(That's all, I swear).

"AAAAAIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEE"

*PAKOOOO-PLOOOOOOOO*

*BRAAKOOOOOOWW*

Then the Magistrate(that is piloted by a small welshman and not a robot perse) holsters it's sword and draws it's Steam Powered Harpoon.

The three melee weapons most commonly used by the Britannian military are the sword, the bat or stick and the Javelin/pike.

The pilot's well versed in at least one.

Because the aim is true and a chaos roach is speared just between the head and shell.

++++++ZAHRU AND THE CTHULU CULTISTS++++++

The Chaos Roaches vanish without a trace.

"Ek neen vort ek numkai, Haj een zum von dun tai"

Zahru decides to go melee.

With the Nova Gladius and the club.

He is carried on a gust of wind across the battlefield. Although he wished to fight Byron, he goes for the second biggest target.

Cool guys do not look at falling steampunk mechae.

A rocketeer with a reserved action decides to attack Zahru.

He unloads a clip, but only one shot gets through(-1 hp)

Zahru leaps into the air.

And gives that motherfucker a cracked skull and broken neck(dead).

War and violence are fun.

Post by **Lord Mercat** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 12:30 am

FUCK

Damn, General Pilecki has been absofuckinglutely awesome thus far!

Too bad the valkyries died AGAIN, maybe I shouldn't have had them have to drop their shields

At least the officer went out

Anyway, fucking awesome round thus far!

Post by **Predator** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 1:28 am

Zahru´s turn was awesome.
Killing a fucking Mecha. In one blow. My personal record is 2 blows.
Just realy fuckin awesome.

Post by **Zahru II** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 4:32 am

The dice gods seem to favor me this time

Post by **Silverdream** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 10:33 am

Lord Mercat wrote:FUCK

Damn, General Pilecki has been absofuckinglutely awesome thus far!

Too bad the valkyries died AGAIN, maybe I shouldn't have had them have to drop their shields

At least the officer went out

Anyway, fucking awesome round thus far!

Although you don't have the valkyries, the Britannians are severely weakened.

Also, the magistrate isn't dead, she just took a bad tumble. Even if she lost her other leg, she has a jetpack that can propell her.

And yes, Zahru is very lucky this round.

EDIT: Also, the General is of course this guy: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Witold_Pilecki

And the battle is named after this
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/First_Battle_of_the_Marne

Post by **Lord Mercat** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 1:23 pm

Awesome, nice to see the historical connections. Seems Pilecki was even more of a badass in real life!

Post by **Silverdream** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 7:24 pm

+OTTO SKORZENY+

Otto Skorzeny hears the bony bastards behind him.

And precedes to blast the shit out of them with dual shotguns.

I like this shot, alright?

Only one survives.

++++HEAVY METAL PIRATES++++

The metal warrior reloads and the pirate lines up his targets.

Meanwhile, the dwarven pirate takes a shot at the Pilot in front of him.

Leaving one Fynn left.

The Pirate takes a shot at a Bavarian in range.

Covering him in a sheet of blood.

"Aw Shite! Ah dropped me cup o' booze!"

The Mug of maniac beer has technologies to stop it from spilling infinite booze and ending all life as we know it.

However some of it makes it into the ground soaked with blood.

A portal of hatred opens.

The Oktopustika has been formed, Brikthulu shall be released to devour your souls!

Luckily for some, the Guitarist is able to close it before Brikthulu can come out.

However, the Oktopus is still out there and still hungry.

+BOBBY HAYHA, THE LAST FYNNLUNDER+

BoBby loads the weapon of revenge(My life to whoever can point out the reference) with an RT round of hatred.

*CHK-CHK*

Be quiet now, we want him to concentrate on the shot.

"Hay, you sh-"

"PERKELE!"

The shot doesn't reach it's intended target, however...

The RT round of hatred clears a tidy path for the Pagan Soldiers.

See?

Post by **Silverdream** » Tue Nov 01, 2011 7:35 pm

Need orders from Karretsu and Predator.

Post by **Killer Karetsu** » Wed Nov 02, 2011 11:48 am

? Who am I playing?

Post by **Silverdream** » Wed Nov 02, 2011 4:28 pm

Killer Karetsu wrote:? Who am I playing?

The SSSS guy.

The Guy in black in this photo.

Post by **Killer Karetsu** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 4:22 am

Orders sent.

Post by **Silverdream** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:43 pm

THE OFFICER OF THE SSSS

The SSSS trooper picks up a downed pirate's Assault Rifle(flash was turned on so that we wouldn't see a black clump for the photo).

Ross Varn finds the same sex attractive and I find nothing wrong with this. The SSSS officer takes a position to open up to the Mummies.

Because he only needed to use one gun, he can discard it or reload it next turn.

The First arc is successful, cutting through two mummies with shields.

The Second arc fails to pierce Zahru's armour.

But the third arc makes up for it, killing all the Mummies I own.

BOERS(COMANDEERED BY ME)

The Boers' full potential is realized this turn, mostly because an arrogant asshole is playing them.

Von Schrappnel uses his jetpack to get nice and close to the Metal Pirates, and fire all three shots on Finlay the Fucka.

The Brave Guitarist, Bernardo Santana drops his guitar and jumps in front of the machine gun fire. The pain makes him lose his stoic grin and he screams in throaty fashion.

The other shots do not pierce Finlay's armour.

The Boers realize that Otto Skorzeny won't be able to hold the rear for long, and leave the Siegery to Von Schrappnel, the Cultists, BoBby and the Bavarians.

The last skelly is hit with a bad crossbow bolt effect.

He's dead Ham.

THE END PHASE

Several Skellies led by a greasy haired hipster douchebag skellie appear on one flank.

While armoured zombie knights appear on the other flank.

Some miscellaneous types appear at the top.

And one knight appears in the Sand Portal. Something is wrong.

Post by **thade** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 9:55 pm

Noooooo! not the guitarist!

Shall we send in orders?

Post by **Silverdream** » Thu Nov 03, 2011 10:13 pm

thade wrote:Noooooo! not the guitarist!

Shall we send in orders?

Yes please.