Sins of the Mobfather

[Scratch]

Spoiler

Show

Suggested reading: http://www.brikwars.com/forums/viewtopi ... 17&t=12701

Uncolonized system in Western Arms, secretly the current home of the Space Mafia's mobile limo base.


???: "Alright, final probabilities check, before I commit fully."


???: "So, 4 Size 3 cannons, augmented by a further 2 size 4 cannons, as well as a pair of size 2 rockets, I'd say it should be enough..."


???: "Versus The Family's approximately 10D6 5D10, not counting the amount assigned to engines and stealth."


???: "I'd call it even odds."


*SILENT SPACE EXPLOSION*


???: "Damnit, not a scratch, no pun intended."


???: "Well, I guess time for plan B, 6. detatch wheelchair."


???: "7. Eject from cockpit."


???: "8. Profit, perfect landing too, I might add."


???: "Fuck, I only broke a window? I guess I'm underestimating The Family's SN pool, still, this'll do nicely."


Rovino: "What the hell, who suicide bombs a limo?"
Johnny Tightlips: "..."


*CLANK*
Rovino: "What, a grappling hook?"
Johnny Tightlips: "..."


*BANG*
???: "SUPRISE MOTHERFUCKERS!"
Rovino: "oh SHIT, a Wheelchair Assassin!"


*CHROME SWORD SLICE*
Rovino: "Ah-ha, what the-- ,he's gone..."


Rovino: "... And I think I failed a spot check"


*Upside down katana decapitation noise!*
???: "Well, you were right about that."


???: "Sorry Family, no offence, but I need you outta the way for a bit."
The Family: "What, hey, get outta there."


*Jewel Shattering Noises*
The Family: "AAAAAAAGH, FUCK FUCK FUCK THAT HURT."


???: "What's the word, mouthless?"
Jimmy the Squealer: "..."
The Family: "THAT'S IT!"


The Family: "OK Bub, I'm going to fuckin clip ya, I'll erase you're fuckin map, I'll ice you 6 feet under, you fuckin traitor, I'll, I'll!"
???: "Try it, flyboy, you're the real traitor, you're the one who flipped."
The Family: "ALRIGHT, FUCK YOU." *Charges ???*

[Scratch]

*POOF*
???: "Ha, forget that you can't step out of that little box, right? And since I broke the OT gem, you can't come back here for a while."


???: "Anyway, back to business."
*Slice!*


???: "Might as well get back into the old roller now, before I head out."


???: "Now I'm in proper form."


Billy Papers: "Y-your not getting a step closer, or I'll blow your head off."
???: "First off, I don't step, since I can't walk."


*Axe-intercept!*
???: "And second, nope.avi"


Billy Papers: "I've still got a pistol, I'll still do it, don't push me."
???: "Like hell."


*Simultanious chop and grazing pistol shot!*
???: "Fuck! my arm! that hurt you bastard."
Billy Papers: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAA"
*Continued chopping!*
Mafia Secretary: "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA *hack* aaaaaaaaa *death rattle*"


???: "Now, I can finally do what I came here to do, I, Spades Shady..."


Spades Shady: "Will kill "Mobfather" Scratch, that slippery goddamn honorless bastard, for all the honor the Space Mafia once stood for."


*click*

~Fine~

[BFenix]

"Damnit, not a scratch, no pun intended."

Eheheheheheheheheheheheh.


That was fantastic. Space Shady is one badass crippled minifig.

[Silverdream]

Compliments to the Scratch.

[Zupponn]

Pretty cool. I was half expecting him to be booted back out the door at the end. Or killed by the mobfather as soon as he opened the door.

[lordintype]

"Damnit, not a scratch, no pun intended."

Eheheheheheheheheheheheh.


That was fantastic. Space Shady is one badass crippled minifig.

It's SPADES Shady.

[Theblackdog]

Will the real Spades Shady please stand up?

*waits*

[Vami IV]

This is truly a masterwork, Scratch.
10/10

[Kommander Ken]

Your effects are always awesome. Violence is top-notch, too. That assassin's a badass.

[Quantumsurfer]

Pretty funny, man.

[Scratch]

Spades Shady: "Huh"


Spades Shady: "Aaaand I'm underground, no wonder no one can find this place, I go from outer space to underground in a goddamn split second."


Spades Shady: "Fucking stairs, I'm guessing that this was a defense mechanism against Wheelchair Assassins, if I wasn't such a badass, it would actually be a problem."
???: "Heh, I guess you could look at it like that, but I mostly use it to amplify the intimidation factor of my office."
Spades Shady: "Is that you, you fucking bastard?"


Mobfather Scratch: "Well, that's not a nice way to greet your host."


Spades Shady: "I'm going to fucking kill you, you cheap bastard, you arn't worthy to call yourself a fucking Mafiosi, you broke Omerta, you swore fealty to a FUCKING POLICE STATE! You're a piece of work, calling yourself 'Mobfather of all Godfathers' when you aint even a fucking ITALIAN! I bet Don Corleone is fucking spinning in his grave, this is barely even the fucking mafia anymore, only the Wheelchair Assassins protect the true traditions of the Sicilian Mafia."
Mobfather Scratch: "Even as an excellent host, you are beginning to strain my patience, Spades. Let me put it this way, with you coming at me with a pistol, I could kill you 50 ways without moving a finger from this position..."
Spades Shady: "Try it, you phony fucker."


Mobfather Scratch: "...But, since it's been a while since I've had an unexpected visitor, since you took all the trouble to break into my space limousine, and since you were once a part of the Cosa Nostra, the least I could do is duel you honorably, an old style Mafia 1v1 for control of the Mob."
Spades Shady: "Sicilian Mafia secret honor handshake on it?"
Mobfather Scratch: "Of course, it wouldn't be a duel without one."


Spades Shady: "Let's set some ground rules, K?"
Mobfather Scratch: "Alright, all weapons allowed, since you're in a wheelchair, we'll both start from a sitting position approx 10 paces away from each other, I will be at my desk, you in your chair."
Spades Shady: "Let's amend the 'any weapons' to not include melee weapons, bullshit stuff I.E., neurotoxin, tactical nukes, bioweapons, dart traps and psionics, alright?"
Mobfather Scratch: "Alright, but I get to give you a tour of my office first."
Spades Shady: "Sure, I'll humor a dead man, even if he is a true bastard."


Mobfather Scratch: "In this corner is my metagaming table, I use it to plan the highest stakes heists, calculate dice roll probabilities and best strategies."
Spades Shady: "What's with the current setup? looks like it's covered in wizards."
Mobfather Scratch: "Oh, Sackhead has been using it to play DnD with some of the Bavarian mages, and I haven't reset it yet."


Mobfather Scratch: "Here's my keg storage, including some old school Cheap'N'FuKin'Nasty Maniac Beer, as well as Blacktron ale and other stuff, I store individual bottles of wine and liqueur above in the rack."
Spades Shady: "Why would I give a fuck about your beer?"
Mobfather Scratch: "Well, if you win, this will all be yours."


Mobfather Scratch: "Here's my office where I control the galaxy's premiere criminal network, built entirely by me, I'd like to point out."
Spades Shady: "Fuck you, the Sicilian mafia didn't need any foreigners diluting the holy purity of organized crime, you've made a den of thieves out of this, well, I guess we were a den of thieves already."


Mobfather Scratch: "Here's the bed of money where I sleep at night with several beautiful women, so when anyone asks how I sleep at night, I can answer truthfully."
Spades Shady: "Well, at least you sleep how you act, pretentiously."


Mobfather Scratch: "and when I need to relax, I come over to my sarcophagus hot tub."
Spades Shady: "Anything else? or can we actually start the fucking fight?"
Mobfather Scratch: "Yeah, sure, tour's over, let's get ready to duel."


Mobfather Scratch: "Any final preparation before we take our seats?"
Spades Shady: "Well, I want to see what we're dueling with first, I'll show you what I'm using."


Spades Shady: "Since I know you're a cheap ass bastard, I'm going to use the most OP weapon I could find, this Golden Gun is a one-hit kill to almost anything it hits, due to a combination of explosive round, SN dice, cobra venom, napalm, antimatter, and bullshit."
Mobfather Scratch: "Impressive, I'd call it an even fight."


Spades Shady: "Oh yeah? What're you packing?"
Mobfather Scratch: "That's for me to know and you to find out, however, as I am an excellent host..."


Mobfather Scratch: "...I'll show you what I aint using."

[Scratch]

Mobfather Scratch: "First row above the beer shelf is the Chrome Guns rack, I don't use them much, but they add both a nice pretentiousness and bling to the shelfs."
Spades Shady: "I agree they are pretty pretentious."


Mobfather Scratch: "Here's my collection of guitars blessed by the Angels of Metal, which I got from some members of the MAOX Black DaiMon during a turf war. They're sharp enough to chop off your head, and loud enough to blow it apart."


Mobfather Scratch: "And across from them is an Iceworlder OTC and a gold hilted Nova Sword, if we were doing a melee duel, I'd probably duel wield those in combat."
Spades Shady: "Just don't cross the streams."


Mobfather Scratch: "I'll just summarize the less weapon packed shelves near the top, this side has a gold plated chainsaw rocket, a chrome bat, a red gold ray gun, a voodoo doll, and a horn of infinity mead, stolen from a Valkyrie."


Mobfather Scratch: "On this side, I have a gun plated with Extra-dimensional gold, a chrome knife, and a gold knife."
Spades Shady: "So you're not using any of those? Makes me wonder what you are using."
Mobfather Scratch: "You'll soon see."


Mobfather Scratch: "Alright, we'll start in 3... 2..."


Mobfather Scratch: "...1."
Mobfather Scratch: "What are you waiting for?"
Spades Shady: "You still haven't picked a wea..."
Mobfather Scratch: "Draw, Spades."


As Spades draws, he is interrupted by the loud grinding of gears, as the entire room shudders.


Spades Shady: "Wait..."


Spades Shady: "What."


Spades Shady: "The."


Spades Shady: "Fuck."


Mobfather Scratch: "A size 10 BFG longer than the main gun on the Elodin should teach you one important lesson, Shady."


Spades Shady: "Oh you cheap ass motherfuc--"
Mobfather Scratch: "You. Don't. FUCK. With. The. MOB."

[Scratch]

Some time later.


Sackhead: "Hey, I got a bit bloody cleaning up the mess in the Limo, could I use your Jacuzzi to clean off? I'll trade you this sweet Damascus Steel Katana we found next to Rovino's corpse."
Mobfather Scratch: "Sure, I'll turn it on... Y'know, this whole thing taught me a couple things."


Sackhead: "Should I assume this smear on the floor and the SHIP sized gun being out are related? You magnificent bastard"
Mobfather Scratch: "1. The 'don't-FUCK-with-the-MOB' gun leaves a smear when it's done, and I think something jammed, since I can't close my office back up. 2. The Wheelchair assassins are still around and are still after my map. and 3. We really need to buff up the Pimpmobile's security."


Sackhead: "Yeah, it looked like the inside of a blender when we got there, heh, the red smear guy had good taste, I'm loving this golden gun."
Mobfather Scratch: "Be careful with that thing, it's probably still loaded."
Sackhead: "When have I been anything less than... BANG!"


Sackhead: "Ha! Knew that'd make you jump."
Mobfather Scratch: "Ha ha, very funny, want anything to drink? I've still got some of that '09-'10 Maniac Beer on tap."
Sackhead: "I'll just take a Blacktron Ale, if I have maniac beer after 6 I get a headache and can't sleep."
Mobfather Scratch: "Got it, I'll get a Lombardy Red for myself."


Sackhead: "Why are those wheelchair assassins after your map anyway? They got a vendetta against you?"
Mobfather Scratch: "You don't know the story? You've been my second in command for like 2 G.R. now, and you don't know about how I became Mobfather of Sicily?"
Sackhead: "Well, you hired me for my looks, not my intelligence."


Mobfather Scratch: "Anyway, if we've got time, I could tell you while you use the Jacuzzi."
Sackhead: "Sure, I've got nowhere to be, just don't tell me your whole life story, I'd turn into a prune by the time you're done."


Mobfather Scratch: "Gimme a minute to remember it. It's been a long while since I've thought about it, here's your Ale, by the way."
Sackhead: "Take your time, cheers."
Mobfather Scratch: "To the Mafia."
Sackhead: "To the Motherfucking Mob."


Mobfather Scratch: "Well, it all started back when I was a mere Underboss..."

[Zahru II]

Setting's pretty nice.

[Vami IV]

This is just beautiful.