Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

The Magic SOB forum is for posts of story sequences that are frequently vignette-based. Put those here while actual battle reports can go in Reports From the Field.
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Bluefog
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Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Bluefog » Wed Sep 24, 2014 4:52 pm

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Comrade JAM: Alright guys, my intel tells me that they out number us about 10 to 1, but what they don't have is our tenacity or badassery. Badassery stands for a lot, am I right?
Domina: No, you're wrong, you're an idiot and you should stop speaking.

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Comrade JAM: Domina, just cuz we're on again-off again lovers gives you no right to speak to me like that, I'm your damn leader!

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Domina: *whispers* We'll see for how long...

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Comrade JAM: What?!
Domina: I said "fine."
Comrade JAM: Good, so no more bullshit outbursts, if you don't have something constructive to say then keep your damn mouth shut.

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Comrade JAM: I'm thinking we need to take another crack at questioning our prisoner. It won't be long before he just dies on us like a little bitch, so we need to question the shit out of him.

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Comrade JAM: Open the cell!

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Jonah Hex: Alright, boss.

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Comrade JAM: Okay you snot dripping starfish fucker, tell me your plans and I'll end your suffering right now.

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Dalek: I will tell you the Dalek plans, I tell you because it makes absolutely no difference if you know or not. You cannot stop the Daleks! An invasion force will be here in three space days. While captured I have signaled my location to the rest of the Daleks. I have had time to study the weaknesses in your defenses and this will be your end, Comrade JAM! We shall... EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!!
Comrade JAM: ...weaknesses, we have no weaknesses, stupid Dalek. Let your invasion force come!

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BBBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTT!!!!

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Domina: Seriously Comrade, as the intel says, we're outnumbered, shouldn't we retreat?
Comrade JAM: Just listen to yourself... RETREAT?!?!?!! I don't know the meaning of the word!!!
Domina: ...idiot.

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Billy: I'll follow you 'til the end, Comrade, if you say we can do this, then we can.
Comrade JAM: Good attitude Billy, I'm counting on you to get the troops all jacked and ready for battle.
Billy: That's what I'm here for.
Comrade JAM: Rad.
"Hey, you try making love to a complete stranger in a hostile, mutant environment, see how you like it."

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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by motorhead fan » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:51 am

(Phaleks)
this will be interesting, but If you do have a make magic soap opera boards with fights in them Please don't make them too one sided for your guys please.

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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Zahru II » Thu Sep 25, 2014 4:16 pm

Not gonna lie, that all-purple throne is kind of sexy
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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Zupponn » Thu Sep 25, 2014 9:12 pm

I was thinking that too.
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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Bluefog » Thu Sep 25, 2014 11:49 pm

motorhead fan wrote:(Phaleks)
this will be interesting, but If you do have a make magic soap opera boards with fights in them Please don't make them too one sided for your guys please.
I will call them Phaleks but wasn't sure if you wanted me to use that since it's your term. Also, don't worry, I haven't really decided the outcome yet (or have I?) but when I do it'll be heavy damage on both sides. Maximum carnage.

Zupponn wrote:
Zahru II wrote:Not gonna lie, that all-purple throne is kind of sexy
I was thinking that too.
Thanks, gents.
"Hey, you try making love to a complete stranger in a hostile, mutant environment, see how you like it."

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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by motorhead fan » Fri Sep 26, 2014 9:33 am

Feel free to use away, It is only a name.

May I join in the story? I have a new character for the Arc whom I wish to introduce and I don't want to Pit him against Valorosians as it might seem as though I am picking on Brikguy too much.

Don't worry, I won't destroy your faction before showing pictures, the furthest I allow myself to go in the destruction of other peoples kanon is minor charactor death, or the destruction of some half imprtant city.

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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Bluefog » Fri Sep 26, 2014 8:33 pm

Yeah man, go nuts.
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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by BFenix » Sun Sep 28, 2014 11:43 pm

:protip:
Bluefog wrote:Badassery stands for a lot, am I right?
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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Bluefog » Tue Sep 30, 2014 6:01 pm

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Comrade JAM: The Stringray looks great! Is everything prepped and ready? How are the weapons systems? How is the GPS? Are the subwoofers hooked up? I want to be listening to the blackest of metal with the heaviest double kick known to man to fight these Phalek fuckers.

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Mechanic: Yessir, everything you wanted is operational.

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Comrade JAM: Rad, yeah, looks good.

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ZZZTT!! ZZZTT!! ZZZZTT!! ZZTT!!
Comrade JAM: Weapons seem to be operating nicely.

---------

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Comrade JAM: You mech operators, do you guys know how badass these Phaleks are?
Mech Operator 1: Not as badass as us, sir!
Comrade JAM: That is the exact right answer.
Mech Operator 1: Thank you, sir.

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Comrade JAM: These douche bags are gonna be coming at as hard and fast, you need to anticipate their moves. You dudes will be on the front lines and your job is to make them rethink their whole outlook on life. They'll be interested in self preservation, you need to be interested in blowing them the fuck up.

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Mech Operator 1: Understood, sir.

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Comrade JAM: These OT Mechs are the pride of the army, don't let me down, take out as many of those fuckers as you can! Failure is not an option!

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Mech Operator 1: Sir, yessir!

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Mech Operator 2: We are well prepared and ready to kick some Phalek ass, sir!
Comrade JAM: Rad.

--------

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Comrade JAM: How are my APC's and the battle truck?
Mechanic: I went over every inch of them, everything is 100% tip top, sir.
Comrade JAM: That's what I like to hear.

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Comrade JAM: Lemme just kick this tire..... yep, seems good.

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Comrade JAM: You up here, hows your aim?
Gunner: It's excellent sir, I never miss.

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Comrade JAM: Everything is perfect. I am impressed. These Phaleks won't know what hit 'em.
Mechanic: Yessir, thank you sir.

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Comrade JAM: I actually almost wish the Phaleks were here now, I want to get to the ass kickery.
"Hey, you try making love to a complete stranger in a hostile, mutant environment, see how you like it."

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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Bluefog » Mon Oct 06, 2014 1:21 pm

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Phalek: We haven't heard anything more from Phalek Seng... he must have been exterminated!
Phalek Zano: Phalek Seng served as a useful tool for the Phaleks! His informaton provided us with the location of Comrade JAM!

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Phalek Zano: This council is in agreement. The extermination of the enemies of the Phalek empire has always been our goal! Comrade JAM is no exception! He must be exterminated!!

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Phaleks: Exterminate... Exterminate... Exterminate!

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Phalek Zano: His pitful mutant human army is no match for Phalek technology, intellect and numbers and yet he stands his ground. All Earthlings must be exterminated! Comrade JAM must be EXTERMINATED!!

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Phaleks: EXTERMINATE... EXTERMINATE!!! EXTERMINATE!!!!

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Phalek Zano: Plot a course to Enclo3 or as the Earthlings call it: Earth 57.
Phalek: Understood.
Phaleks: Exterminate! EXTERMINATE!!!



MEANWHILE ELSEWHERE....




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Comrade JAM: Alright, Heavy Infantry and Raptor Riders, this scouting mission is under way. The Phaleks are due to attack any minute. We must be prepared.

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Comrade JAM: Ever since we landed on Earth 57 we've had to defend ourselves. Nothing has come easy. We've learned to fight hard or die....

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Comrade JAM: We've dined in hell and asked for seconds. thirds even! Today is no exception! We'll fight harder than we've ever fought before.

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Comrade JAM: We are legendary badasses and the Phalek empire will never tangle with the likes of us ever again!

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Heavy Infantry: Hooyah!

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Jonah Hex: We spotted 'em bastards! They're going to be attacking first 'bout 10 miles north!

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Comrade JAM: Let's roll boys!
"Hey, you try making love to a complete stranger in a hostile, mutant environment, see how you like it."

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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Bluefog » Tue Oct 14, 2014 6:07 pm

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Comrade JAM: War is upon us!

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Comrade JAM: Make ready! I will head them off!

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Comrade JAM: Jonah, hold the lines here. This is where you make a stand!
Jonah: Yeah boss, consider it done!

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Comrade JAM: Good luck everyone.

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Comrade JAM: True badassery shall prevail.

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Comrade JAM: *Alright do what wingmen do. Over.*
Pilot *10-4, sir.*

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Phalek Commander: Enemy sighted. Exterminate!
Phaleks: Exterminate!!

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ZZZZTTT!! ZZTTT!! ZZZTTT!! ZZZZZTTT!!!

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ZZZZZZZTTTTT!!!

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BOOM!!

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FWOOOSH!!!
Comrade JAM: *Ain't gonna get me that easy!!*

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Phalek Commander: Exterminate!!
ZZTT!!
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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Bluefog » Tue Oct 14, 2014 6:21 pm

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ZZZZTTT!!
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BOOOOMMM!!!

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Comrade JAM: Fuckers!!!
ZZZTT! ZZZTT! ZZZT!! ZZTT!!
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Comrade JAM: Shit, just me and 'em. Time to make a play.
ZZTTT!! ZZTT!!

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BOOMM!!

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Comrade JAM: SHIT!!!

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KA-BOOOOMM!!

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Phalek Commander: Comrade JAM is down, confirm the kill, confirm the kill!

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Comrade JAM: Ain't dead, motherfuckers, come get some!!

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RATATATATATATATATATATT!!!
Comrade JAM: *laughs maniacally*

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BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTT!!

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Comrade JAM: RRRRAAAAAAHHH!!
BBZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTT!!

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Phalek: You have only stopped the first wave... more shall come... you shall be exterminated!!
Comrade JAM: You first...
BLAM!!

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Comrade JAM: ....motherfucker.
"Hey, you try making love to a complete stranger in a hostile, mutant environment, see how you like it."

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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Zupponn » Tue Oct 14, 2014 11:42 pm

:666:
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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by SwedesInSpace » Wed Oct 15, 2014 6:59 pm

this....i don't even.... :shock: ..... :ftw:
SWEDES IN SPACE!!! want some healthcare?

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Re: Army of JAM: Preparing for War!

Post by Bluefog » Mon Oct 20, 2014 8:34 pm

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Double Dragon *growls*

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Jonah Hex: This is it boys, show 'em what yer made of!

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Heavy Militia & Heavy Infantry: *battle cries*

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Phaleks: Exterminate!! Exterminate!!

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ZZZZTT!! ZZZZZZZTTT!!

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Jonah Hex: These floating trash cans is tougher than they look!
Bang! Bang!

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Phaleks: Exterminate!!!

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Phalek Commander: Comrade JAM is not present, exterminate all the humans and sweep the planet!

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ZZZZZZZZTT!!

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Comrade JAM: Alright, back to the front lines... time to kick some ass!

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Comrade JAM: RRRAAAA--

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Comrade JAM: --AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!
"Hey, you try making love to a complete stranger in a hostile, mutant environment, see how you like it."

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