Time:12/07/G.R. 2014; 1:40 pm
Description: Special Announcement by Chief Scientist Dr. Liang
"Presenting Her Eminence, the Chief Scientist of Trattoria, Dr. Liang."
Dr. Liang: There once was a time when minifigs in the BrikVerse cowered before the might of the Immortal Empire. A race of undying brutes which spent its resources on pointless conquest and warmaking, all to be stymied by the Scythians in the galactic core. Meanwhile, the Trattorians have dominated the scientific, diplomatic, and financial communities and institutions of the Nehellenium Galaxy. From this, we can arrive at one conclusion.
We are the Immortals now.
Thanks to the advent of Miracle Cure nanotechnology 38 years ago due to joint efforts of Dr. Venter, Dr. Pang, and Dr. Ong, we have not only stopped aging but reversed it as well. Even the centenarians among us look like college students, and why stop there? We are all immortal—indeed, in Trattoria, death is the unnatural state.
Dr. Liang: Thus, the tragedy of Department Chair Dr. Yuan's death is not only untimely, but should never have happened. A fine intellect trained in MIT and TTI Ph.D. programs in Materials Science and Inorganic Chemistry, Dr. Charles Yuan's life was easily worth that of thousands of worthless, average-intelligence minifigs. He worked tirelessly on the Council of Scientists, chaired the government Chemistry Department, and diligently directed the Trattorian National Academy for the Chemical Sciences. A prolific publisher in prestigious scientific journals such as Nature, Science, and the Journal of the Trattorian Chemical Society, Dr. Yuan produced three studies that the Nobel committee deemed meritorious of Prizes.
Dr. Liang: Dr. Yuan's first landmark discovery was that of the room-temperature superconductivity of attinium, a result that irreversibly transformed Trattorian society and moved us into Tek Level 7. Coupled with the discovery of neutrinas and their synthesis, attinium made possible and motivated Trattoria's extragalactic voyages to the Andromeda Galaxy. Attinium also allowed us to construct the famous mass-transit planetary Hyperloop network on Trattoria and our wireless power transmission infrastructure. Perhaps most notably, the five Central AIs employ attinium in their quantum processors, allowing them to achieve such feats as calculating the monthly weather forecasts for every planet in Nehellenium and its satellites to 99% accuracy and monitoring every Trattorian planet to square-centimeter resolution to prevent criminal activity.
Dr. Liang: His second Nobel-winning study covered superluminal 1s orbital electrons in transunsepttrium elements. Although Dr. Yuan applied the relativistic Dirac equation to the naïve Bohr model to increase the lower bound for the problem from the original Z = 137 to Z = 173, he discovered superluminal electrons in the 1s orbitals of transunsepttrium elements in violation of Einstein's theory of relativity, yielding new insights on FTL technology and providing a new avenue for the derivation of my Theory of Everything. Dr. Yuan's discovery is the reason why Trattoria developed the fastest intragalactic FTL drives in Nehellenium and its satellites. Ironically enough, it was in this study that Dr. Yuan pioneered using relativistic time dilation to feasibly study the properties of elements with nanosecond-scale half-lives.
Dr. Liang: Finally, Dr. Yuan was the first scientist to successfully image the atomic orbital wave function of an individual atom using photoionization microscopy. Although nanotechnology has existed and developed in Trattoria for several decades, picotechnology and the manipulation of individual atoms represents the next step forward. Although we have so far employed it for trivial and entertaining applications, it holds future promise in improving computer storage capacity, inventing literal claytronics, and synthesizing new forms of exotic matter.
Dr. Liang: Now you might ask how such a brilliant mind met his end? A devious Yellow Electric Rat breached containment and then shocked the doctor to death—but at least he died honorably in the name of science.
Dr. Liang: Clearly, the loss of Dr. Yuan represents a detriment to Trattoria, given his numerous contributions to our scientific community and our economy. Nonetheless, the Trattorian scientific community will continue to innovate and remain the best in the BrikVerse despite this misfortune.
Dr. Liang: The Science Department maintains its duty and commitment to eliminate all anomalies from the BrikVerse to prevent further such tragedies from plaguing Trattoria again. The BrikVerse will be rendered scientific, explicable, and free of anomalous influences or superstitions.
lol j/k
