.1 The Kanon

Humanity

Minifig Cleriks teach that a Human is a kind of sentient beer can that grows cheez-powdered meat fingers and throws dice when angered. Owned illustration Uploaded, final When grappling with the infinite possible BrikVerses incipient in a Human's pile of bricks, the construction of physical Creations is only the first step. The realities in which those Creations exist are weak and nebulous, only gaining definition as Humans stage battles and adventures within them. Minifigs expect battles to last until the last soldier, robot, and undead stuffed dinosaur falls. In reality, the action stops when the Humans lose interest. Toys are only real for as long as Humans believe in them, and so the toys whose eyes have been opened to Ensanity live in constant terror of losing their Human's animating faith. More important than any battlefield victory, minifigs must capture and hold a Human's attention in order to continue existing. Not only are unmemorable conflicts abandoned, forgotten, and erased from reality, but they create the risk of ushering in a Dark Age in which a fickle Human turns its thoughts away from toys completely, to unfathomable and alien subjects like "video games" or "dating" or "paying bills." (BrikWiki entry: Human)

Creations and storylines in a BrikVerse have varying degrees of reality, determined by their Human's level of interest in them. This ontological clutch power is called Kanon. As much as minifigs love slaying enemies and looting bricks, true spoils of a BrikWar are the chance to be immortalized in Kanon.

At a battle's end, whether due to victory, defeat, or just running out of time, Human players should pause to drink and feast and reflect on their minifigs' deeds. Notes or photos can be ignored; accuracy is beside the point. Reminisce over which characters, events, and creations were the most epic, and which outcomes were most important to the world and storyline. Sometimes this will include an acknowledgment of who, if anyone, won. More often, it will be a toast to the characters that failed their objectives most heroically. Raise a glass to the forces who ignored their nominal goals and managed to achieve something ridiculous and majestic in spite of them. Heap glory on the family cat who jumped on the table and proved herself the deadliest combatant of all.

It's up to the Humans to decide the larger consequences of the day's events, if any. Because Everyone's the Boss of Their Own Toys, each player has final say over the fates of their own factions, but they're free to put the details up to collaborative brainstorm, debate, and What I Say Goes rolls. They'll almost immediately forget the great majority of whatever they decide, much to the minifigs' chagrin, but the parts they remember become Kanon.

.2 The Farce

Enemies

owned photo illustration Toys are notorious for their revolving loyalties and petty betrayals. A group of toys may be friendly one moment, fratricidal the next, and staunchly allied against their Human overlords a moment later. While their allegiances change with each new turn of the coat, minifigs must always have at least one enemy, and preferably several, in order to maintain healthy psychological function. Otherwise, they become disoriented and risk falling victim to "Peace" - a feared but thankfully rare disease. Unless corrected quickly, afflicted minifigs can descend into a pacifist spiral, with symptoms progressing from boredom to depression, panic, and suicide in the space of seconds. BrikWiki entry: Peace

BrikWars takes place in a rigged BrikVerse whose fundamental laws are set up to ensure that the most improbable thing that could possibly happen usually does. The ends obviate the means, and if the Humans need a medieval castle and breathable atmosphere to show up in an uncharted asteroid field in order to play out a battle of dragons versus starfighters, then that's exactly what happens. The forces of Koincidence put the castle where it needs to go, and its arrival requires no explanation, any more than does the invasion force of Non-Euclidean Space Ponies arriving two turns later.

The Farce accomplishes this by putting the power of Koincidence into the hands of those least interested in using it responsibly. Specifically, whichever Humans are most opposed to the well-being of the minifigs involved.

The Enemy

Koincidence is a wonderful tool, but it must never be allowed to fall into the insufficiently wrong hands. Whether for Missed Shots, failed Feats, or any of BrikWars' other opportunities for things that go wrong to Koincidentally go even wronger, players must only grant the power of Koincidence to their enemies.

A player's enemies at any given moment tend to be obvious. If there's not another player currently trying to kill them, then their enemies are whichever players were trying to kill them most recently. Failing that, it's whichever players haven't started trying to kill them yet, but fully intend to. If a player doesn't have any enemies, they should immediately make some.

.3 The Ossum

When the land cries out for Ossum, splinter incarnations of Warhead appear.

Photo: Sir Sporktimus
from "Lego doodles POST THEM"
Elements shown: LEGO

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Of all the pitted fruits, the Ossum of the koffee berry reigns supreme. Roasted into beans, mercilessly ground, and scalded in lethally-hot water, the brew of the koffee seed is a source of koncentrated Ossum for Humans and minifigs alike.

By repeatedly planting koffee beans and watering them with even more koffee, a new form of hyperkaffeinated life was sprooted: the Brootalz, a rampaging horde driven to inflict overwhelming Ossum on whoever needed some.

Photo: Kenny "Kommander Ken" Bush
Elements shown: LEGO

image rights: Kommander Ken, signed 7/23

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Brootal Brew, the most powerful form of koffee ever koncocted, propelled the inexhaustible Brootal invasions of BrikVerse #2,019. In the economic chaos following their overthrow of Nehellennium Kontinuity, the Brootalz were able to transition their invasion fleets into successful Brootal Brew korporate franchises.

Photo: Ninja_bait
From "Ninja_Bait's Build Blog"
Elements shown: LEGO

image rights: ninja_bait, signed 7/24

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The Triple Ossum: Comedy, Tragedy, and Stupidity

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No minifig can eff the ineffable mind of a Human, no matter how many effs they give. But minifigs have learned that the more Ossum they can offer, the more likely they are to receive their Human's continued blessings of violence and destruction.

Philosofigs teach that Ossum is both the skull under the flesh and the seed in the fruit, and zealots of the SpaceMan kult fetishize it as a symbol of rebirth in annihilation. Destruction isn't Ossum if it's meaningless or sterile. Ossum is built up of vital and deadly risks taken on the knife edge between glory and death, forcing ever-greater escalations of Ossum in response.

Osseologists calibrate their osseometers by a metric of minifig skulls. The skulls of the innocent, collected and piled into a tyrant's throne to oppress the weak and timid, are Ossum. The skull of Two-By-Two is an Ossum. Warhead's fiery skull is pure flaming Ossum.

But in the larger sense, everything is Ossum. There is nothing in a minifig's reality that can't be put to the service of violence. Whatever can be coveted, whatever kindles a minifig's highest virtues of jealousy, hatred, lust, or rampaging mass hysteria, whatever inspires a homicide or assists in its implementation, all contain seeds of Ossum that can be nursed into glorious mayhem.